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Clips from Physical - Let's Get It on Tape (S01E01)

Two… Two.

"Two… Two."

Physical

What are you doing?

"What are you doing?"

Physical

Say, "Working on an aerobics routine."

"Say, "Working on an aerobics routine.""

Physical

Or say, "Go fuck yourself."

"Or say, "Go fuck yourself.""

Physical

Nuking popcorn. Come on, man.

"Nuking popcorn. Come on, man."

Physical

What's next? You gonna club a baby seal?

"What's next? You gonna club a baby seal?"

Physical

I hear you, Jer, but don't knock it till you've tried it.

"I hear you, Jer, but don't knock it till you've tried it."

Physical

Hot.

"Hot."

Physical

- There's butter on this already. - Yeah. That's how it comes.

"- There's butter on this already. - Yeah. That's how it comes."

Physical

Holy shit. What will they think of next?

"Holy shit. What will they think of next?"

Physical

An actual workable national energy policy?

"An actual workable national energy policy?"

Physical

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Physical

Don't touch that!

"Don't touch that!"

Physical

Your hands are greasy.

"Your hands are greasy."

Physical

I just wanted to see where we are with campaign finance.

"I just wanted to see where we are with campaign finance."

Physical

Well, I'm happy to tell you.

"Well, I'm happy to tell you."

Physical

It just wouldn't make any sense. It's all in my scrawl.

"It just wouldn't make any sense. It's all in my scrawl."

Physical

Well, babe, get this.

"Well, babe, get this."

Physical

Jerry here, of all people, wants to hire a circus trainer

"Jerry here, of all people, wants to hire a circus trainer"

Physical

to come in here and teach me how to smile for the cameras.

"to come in here and teach me how to smile for the cameras."

Physical

A media consultant, man. Come on.

"A media consultant, man. Come on."

Physical

If we have to do a campaign ad, we might as well do it right.

"If we have to do a campaign ad, we might as well do it right."

Physical

Hire a professional to come in here and...

"Hire a professional to come in here and..."

Physical

Turn me into someone I'm not.

"Turn me into someone I'm not."

Physical

Of course not.

"Of course not."

Physical

Look, I know guys like Mike Schmidt.

"Look, I know guys like Mike Schmidt."

Physical

Bear trap jaw, tomato brains.

"Bear trap jaw, tomato brains."

Physical

I used to take orders from them in the service.

"I used to take orders from them in the service."

Physical

The only way to win is to hit back hard. Okay?

"The only way to win is to hit back hard. Okay?"

Physical

Hire some pros, make a beautiful ad, beat them at their own game.

"Hire some pros, make a beautiful ad, beat them at their own game."

Physical

You got the money to spend. Why not spend it?

"You got the money to spend. Why not spend it?"

Physical

Except you don't.

"Except you don't."

Physical

But we're a grassroots campaign. So, shouldn't this ad reflect that?

"But we're a grassroots campaign. So, shouldn't this ad reflect that?"

Physical

What are you even saying?

"What are you even saying?"

Physical

You wanna slap together

"You wanna slap together"

Physical

some home movie footage of the Rubins at the San Diego Zoo?

"some home movie footage of the Rubins at the San Diego Zoo?"

Physical

Call it a day?

"Call it a day?"

Physical

No. I'm saying we make a state-of-the-art video

"No. I'm saying we make a state-of-the-art video"

Physical

using the latest video camera technology that I happen to have access to.

"using the latest video camera technology that I happen to have access to."

Physical

Because my wife

"Because my wife"

Physical

is a stone-cold fox.

"is a stone-cold fox."

Physical

I mean, genius.

"I mean, genius."

Physical

Don't forget a liar and a thief.

"Don't forget a liar and a thief."

Physical

We're talking Betamax, right?

"We're talking Betamax, right?"

Physical

Maya! No, no, not on the road! Maya!

"Maya! No, no, not on the road! Maya!"

Physical

- Okay, Mommy. Hi. - Hey, hey, hey, Maya.

"- Okay, Mommy. Hi. - Hey, hey, hey, Maya."

Physical

Hello.

"Hello."

Physical

You know not to run on the road.

"You know not to run on the road."

Physical

I owe you an explanation about the other night.

"I owe you an explanation about the other night."

Physical

No, it's all right. You don't have to tell me. Just…

"No, it's all right. You don't have to tell me. Just…"

Physical

Are you cheating on Danny?

"Are you cheating on Danny?"

Physical

It's none of my business. But I just...

"It's none of my business. But I just..."

Physical

I don't think I can be friends with you anymore if you are,

"I don't think I can be friends with you anymore if you are,"

Physical

'cause it's not okay to lie like that.

"'cause it's not okay to lie like that."

Physical

To violate your vows for your own, whatever, pleasure.

"To violate your vows for your own, whatever, pleasure."

Physical

It hurts people.

"It hurts people."

Physical

And maybe you think that makes me bourgeoise

"And maybe you think that makes me bourgeoise"

Physical

- or square, or whatever... - I'm not.

"- or square, or whatever... - I'm not."

Physical

Okay.

"Okay."

Physical

So, what were you doing?

"So, what were you doing?"

Physical

I wish you would tell me.

"I wish you would tell me."

Physical

I feel like no one tells me the truth about anything anymore.

"I feel like no one tells me the truth about anything anymore."

Physical

Eating like a pig and throwing up.

"Eating like a pig and throwing up."

Physical

Are you really gonna say it?

"Are you really gonna say it?"

Physical

It's all she'll ever think about when she sees you, forever.

"It's all she'll ever think about when she sees you, forever."

Physical

I have a project.

"I have a project."

Physical

It's a… exercise tape.

"It's a… exercise tape."

Physical

Aerobics.

"Aerobics."

Physical

Something you can do at home

"Something you can do at home"

Physical

when you can't get childcare or you just don't want to go to the gym.

"when you can't get childcare or you just don't want to go to the gym."

Physical

And you... And you can't tell your husband about it?

"And you... And you can't tell your husband about it?"

Physical

Just until it's done. Which it will be soon.

"Just until it's done. Which it will be soon."

Physical

Once he gets a chance to see it, it'll be different. I think.

"Once he gets a chance to see it, it'll be different. I think."

Physical

- You know how men are. - Idiots.

"- You know how men are. - Idiots."

Physical

- Literal. - Literal.

"- Literal. - Literal."

Physical

Concrete. They only get something when it's right in front of them.

"Concrete. They only get something when it's right in front of them."

Physical

At least, you know, I hope so.

"At least, you know, I hope so."

Physical

Yeah. Yeah.

"Yeah. Yeah."

Physical

Okay, so I'm having a color party this weekend.

"Okay, so I'm having a color party this weekend."

Physical

It's where this woman's gonna come, and she reads our faces

"It's where this woman's gonna come, and she reads our faces"

Physical

and tells us what season we are,

"and tells us what season we are,"

Physical

and then we know what shades of makeup look the best on us.

"and then we know what shades of makeup look the best on us."

Physical

And Ernie doesn't get it either.

"And Ernie doesn't get it either."

Physical

But will you come? You... Will you come?

"But will you come? You... Will you come?"

Physical

I'd rather die in a house fire.

"I'd rather die in a house fire."

Physical

I'd love to.

"I'd love to."

Physical

You can't keep doing this. You can't keep lying.

"You can't keep doing this. You can't keep lying."

Physical

And you won't.

"And you won't."

Physical

Just until you have enough. Until you're done.

"Just until you have enough. Until you're done."

Physical

One for them, one for you. And when it's all over, you'll come clean.

"One for them, one for you. And when it's all over, you'll come clean."

Physical

Babe, can I talk to you?

"Babe, can I talk to you?"

Physical

I'll be right out.

"I'll be right out."

Physical

I'm coming in.

"I'm coming in."

Physical

You forgot to lock the fucking door.

"You forgot to lock the fucking door."

Physical

You okay?

"You okay?"

Physical

What? I said I'd be right out. What's so important?

"What? I said I'd be right out. What's so important?"

Physical

Is that really what I look like?

"Is that really what I look like?"

Physical

In that Mike Schmidt ad? Like some sloppy little troll.

"In that Mike Schmidt ad? Like some sloppy little troll."

Physical

I mean, how is anyone gonna take me seriously as a political candidate

"I mean, how is anyone gonna take me seriously as a political candidate"

Physical

if that's what I look like?

"if that's what I look like?"

Physical

Honey, that was a smear campaign.

"Honey, that was a smear campaign."

Physical

A lie.

"A lie."

Physical

When we make our video,

"When we make our video,"

Physical

you're gonna look like the true hero that you are.

"you're gonna look like the true hero that you are."

Physical

You know, Jerry says we need to get a pro in here, but…

"You know, Jerry says we need to get a pro in here, but…"

Physical

I think all I need is you.

"I think all I need is you."

Physical

Just give him what he really wants.

"Just give him what he really wants."

Physical

It's been too long.

"It's been too long."

Physical

If you want any freedom at all.

"If you want any freedom at all."

Physical

You wanna lock the door?

"You wanna lock the door?"

Physical

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

Physical

Break time.

"Break time."

Physical

Yeah. You mean cigarette time.

"Yeah. You mean cigarette time."

Physical

- Tomato, tomato. - I don't get it.

"- Tomato, tomato. - I don't get it."

Physical

- For someone so into fitness… - You don't have to get it.

"- For someone so into fitness… - You don't have to get it."

Physical

- You ever tried to quit? - I did quit.

"- You ever tried to quit? - I did quit."

Physical

And then I started again.

"And then I started again."

Physical

You never kept doing something you knew you should stop?

"You never kept doing something you knew you should stop?"

Physical

Can I ask you something?

"Can I ask you something?"

Physical

Why do you still pretend to like that husband of yours?

"Why do you still pretend to like that husband of yours?"

Physical

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