Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Silicon Valley - The Lady (S02E02)

"And we could put Patakian here."
Silicon Valley
"I hope you don't mind sitting next to a cyborg."
Silicon Valley
"Does he fart a lot and smell like onions?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, he is a coder."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I'd say I'm not getting paid enough to deal with this crap,"
Silicon Valley
"but I so am, so..."
Silicon Valley
"You know, if it's cool,"
Silicon Valley
"I'm going to get some stuff out of my car to dump here."
Silicon Valley
"I know I don't start till Monday,"
Silicon Valley
"but I want to get it cleaned out"
Silicon Valley
"- before I trade it in. - You're getting a new car?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, yeah. Mercedes hybrid."
Silicon Valley
"- It's pretty dope. - That sounds expensive."
Silicon Valley
"- Guys? - It is."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, Richard has something very important to tell you."
Silicon Valley
"Yes. So, Jared has informed me"
Silicon Valley
"that as CEO,"
Silicon Valley
"I need to be able to answer any questions that you might have"
Silicon Valley
"about Pied Piper's"
Silicon Valley
"harassment policy and workplace code of conduct."
Silicon Valley
"Apparently, every company our size has to have one of those."
Silicon Valley
"Essentially, if you find the workplace hostile in any way,"
Silicon Valley
"you can submit a written complaint."
Silicon Valley
"It will be completely anonymous."
Silicon Valley
"Essentially, don't do or say anything that might offend anyone."
Silicon Valley
"Okay? Thank you. That's the policy."
Silicon Valley
"- Okay. - Guys, um..."
Silicon Valley
"This is actually pretty serious."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, we're all cool here, but we know each other."
Silicon Valley
"So obviously, when Dinesh calls me retarded Frankenstein,"
Silicon Valley
"or he describes me as AIDS lady,"
Silicon Valley
"I know this is a joke among friends."
Silicon Valley
"- It's not a joke. - We're not friends."
Silicon Valley
"See, it's hilarious."
Silicon Valley
"But, um, as we grow,"
Silicon Valley
"we're going to be adding a lot of new people to this company,"
Silicon Valley
"and to this office,"
Silicon Valley
"and some of them might not be as amused as I am"
Silicon Valley
"by such strong language. Lawsuits happen."
Silicon Valley
"So, questions?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, uh, I have a question."
Silicon Valley
"My best friend's nickname is Cunty."
Silicon Valley
"- I'm sorry, her name is-- - Cunty."
Silicon Valley
"And I was hoping I could call her Cunty while I'm here."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, that one's easy. No, you cannot."
Silicon Valley
"'Cause, you know, I want to have Cunty come visit me for lunch,"
Silicon Valley
"and if I can't call Cunty Cunty,"
Silicon Valley
"then it's like, I'm not going to want to have Cunty over at all,"
Silicon Valley
"which I feel like kind of violates my rights--"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, um, it does not--"
Silicon Valley
"as a woman."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one."
Silicon Valley
"Her best friend's nickname is Cunty."
Silicon Valley
"- Let's maybe get back to the kitchen. - Okay."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, okay."
Silicon Valley
"All right, I got to clean out my shit box."
Silicon Valley
"Nice bag."
Silicon Valley
"Thank you."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, look, D&G. It's like Dinesh and Gilfoyle."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, that was the third"
Silicon Valley
"reference she's made to how much money she's making."
Silicon Valley
"That's a $3500 bag."
Silicon Valley
"How do you know? You have the same one?"
Silicon Valley
"No, I have the fucking Internet."
Silicon Valley
"You don't think she's making more money than us, do you?"
Silicon Valley
"No, we all have equalized pay, remember?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, me and you and Richard and Jared do,"
Silicon Valley
"but not new hires."
Silicon Valley
"It's the classic dilemma where the founders make less."
Silicon Valley
"We told Richard to get her no matter what it took."
Silicon Valley
"Even if she is making more cash than us, which she isn't,"
Silicon Valley
"there's no way she has as much equity."
Silicon Valley
"You don't know that."
Silicon Valley
"And Richard won't tell us. It's confidential."
Silicon Valley
"I guess there's a reason for it."
Silicon Valley
"It's so people don't get jealous and throw a hissy fit."
Silicon Valley
"I'm not jealous."
Silicon Valley
"I just want to make sure she's making less than me."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, how do we find out how much she's getting paid here?"
Silicon Valley
"I have a plan."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Carla, how much money do you make here?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh, let's just say it's a big jump from my old job."
Silicon Valley
"Right, but you probably got more equity there."
Silicon Valley
"Um, no, actually I get more equity here."
Silicon Valley
"- What? - Yeah. Why, what are you guys getting?"
Silicon Valley
"- Three points each. - Three? That's weird."
Silicon Valley
"I thought you got in at the beginning."
Silicon Valley
"I have another plan."
Silicon Valley
"All right, Jian-Yang, don't talk to anybody else."
Silicon Valley
"When we get inside, don't talk to me."
Silicon Valley
"- Good evening. - Here's the--"
Silicon Valley
"Thank you. Thank you."
Silicon Valley
"And how will you be paying, sir?"
Silicon Valley
"- Excuse me? - Your donation."
Silicon Valley
"What's your preferred method of payment?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, no, these are already paid for."
Silicon Valley
"We're guests of Russ Hanneman."
Silicon Valley
"Yes, he reserved the tickets, but you have to pay for them."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, okay. And how much are they?"
Silicon Valley
"- $25,000. - Um, so-- but for both?"
Silicon Valley
"No, no, no, per ticket."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, there's no possible way that we could pay that,"
Silicon Valley
"so what do we do here?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, there are a number of other ways"
Silicon Valley
"to help preserve the Muir Woods."
Silicon Valley
"We do a volunteer clean-up program every weekend."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I don't give a shit"
Silicon Valley
"about the Muir Woods. I need to get in there."
Silicon Valley
"Sir, if you can't pay for the tickets,"
Silicon Valley
"I really don't see how that's possible."
Silicon Valley
"What if we do like a little in-and-out thing?"
Silicon Valley
"I just go in there, 10 minutes,"
Silicon Valley
"you know, have one cocktail, two, three max."
Silicon Valley
"He doesn't eat. He won't eat."
Silicon Valley
"Yes, I'm hungry."
Silicon Valley
"Gentlemen, I'm going to need you to move aside"
Silicon Valley
"for the other guests."
Silicon Valley
"You want me to email Russ Hanneman right now?"
Silicon Valley
"You don't have Russ's email."
Silicon Valley
"But I have his-- I have the phone number of"
Silicon Valley
Show more clips