Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Silicon Valley - The Lady (S02E02)

"Thanks for coming in and sitting down with us."
Silicon Valley
"We're really excited to meet a few good engineers"
Silicon Valley
"to join the Pied Piper team."
Silicon Valley
"So why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"
Silicon Valley
"I don't work before noon."
Silicon Valley
"Or after 2:00 PM."
Silicon Valley
"And I need to bring my dog to work."
Silicon Valley
"Are you-- are you dog-friendly?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, yeah, you can bring your dog to work."
Silicon Valley
"That's not what I asked."
Silicon Valley
"Are you dog-friendly?"
Silicon Valley
"Nice pool. Can my dog go in?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, yeah, we're very dog-friendly."
Silicon Valley
"Is there a lifeguard?"
Silicon Valley
"'Cause my dog can't swim."
Silicon Valley
"It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011"
Silicon Valley
"you Crushed it?"
Silicon Valley
"That's actually an old resume. It should also read"
Silicon Valley
"that I crushed it from 2013 to present."
Silicon Valley
"So are we to understand that you did not Crush it In 2012?"
Silicon Valley
"There was a medical situation"
Silicon Valley
"preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards."
Silicon Valley
"So I had to take some time off"
Silicon Valley
"until I was able to crush it at 100%,"
Silicon Valley
"at which point I resumed crushing it full-time."
Silicon Valley
"So it says here that you're proficient in C++,"
Silicon Valley
"code assembly for multiple processor architectures,"
Silicon Valley
"and that you are a cyborg?"
Silicon Valley
"That is correct-- short for cybernetic organism."
Silicon Valley
"I came into this world of filth and pain"
Silicon Valley
"with a congenital heart condition,"
Silicon Valley
"requiring the installation of a pacemaker,"
Silicon Valley
"upon which I am mortally dependent."
Silicon Valley
"Wow, he's technically a cyborg."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, yeah. Makes the resume accurate."
Silicon Valley
"Look, we all know that I can make a shitload more money"
Silicon Valley
"working for some multi-colored Happy Town"
Silicon Valley
"in a hermetically-sealed box."
Silicon Valley
"But permission to be honest?"
Silicon Valley
"Permission granted."
Silicon Valley
"Granted."
Silicon Valley
"I like that you guys are so weird."
Silicon Valley
"Yes, we are the weird ones."
Silicon Valley
"This morning, you put your soda cans in the green one."
Silicon Valley
"Okay? That's not right."
Silicon Valley
"The green is for grass and leaves."
Silicon Valley
"Okay?"
Silicon Valley
"The blue one is for recycling."
Silicon Valley
"Go ahead and put those in there."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"Very good. The black one is for all other trash."
Silicon Valley
"Do you understand?"
Silicon Valley
"Yes. Which is for burning?"
Silicon Valley
"No, we don't burn trash in this country."
Silicon Valley
"It's illegal. You never burn trash."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, can you say that? I never burn trash."
Silicon Valley
"I never burn trash."
Silicon Valley
"- Yes. - What about garbage?"
Silicon Valley
"Motherfucker."
Silicon Valley
"Jared Patakian?"
Silicon Valley
"You know, this Patakian guy"
Silicon Valley
"is definitely on some end of some spectrum,"
Silicon Valley
"but he is a full-stack engineer."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, I'm sold. Jared, what do you think?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, he's qualified and he definitely seemed interested."
Silicon Valley
"It's a programmer's market right now."
Silicon Valley
"I think if we like him, we should pursue him aggressively."
Silicon Valley
"My only concern here, and it's a small one,"
Silicon Valley
"he's also named Jared."
Silicon Valley
"Will it be confusing with two Jareds?"
Silicon Valley
"If we hire him, I can always go back to my real name-- Donald."
Silicon Valley
"No, that's too big a hassle."
Silicon Valley
"We'll just go with Other Jared."
Silicon Valley
"OJ, for short."
Silicon Valley
"I know a name is just a sound somebody makes when they need you,"
Silicon Valley
"but shouldn't this much-newer Jared be Other Jared?"
Silicon Valley
"You should be flattered."
Silicon Valley
"OJ Simpson is one of the most recognizable people"
Silicon Valley
"on the face of the planet."
Silicon Valley
"Was that Jared Patakian I saw exiting the house?"
Silicon Valley
"Yes, we just interviewed him. We think he's great."
Silicon Valley
"He actually is great. I tried to hire him for Aviato."
Silicon Valley
"But then he took the offer, shopped it around town,"
Silicon Valley
"and got more dough at a different gig."
Silicon Valley
"I didn't care for the way that he handled it."
Silicon Valley
"So I am going to have to err on the side of caution"
Silicon Valley
"and say Pass-adena,"
Silicon Valley
"Trina."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I'm sorry that that happened to you,"
Silicon Valley
"but you don't get to Pass-adena on anyone."
Silicon Valley
"We've got to hire a lot of people,"
Silicon Valley
"and he was the only one that we all agree on."
Silicon Valley
"But this is my house. I'm on the board of this company."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, I must get dings, right?"
Silicon Valley
"- Dings? - Like in a jury or Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Silicon Valley
"Erlich, thank you for letting us stay in your house"
Silicon Valley
"while we figure out what we need office-wise. Really."
Silicon Valley
"But I'm sorry. You don't get a say in this."
Silicon Valley
"We're going to hire the android."
Silicon Valley
"He's a cyborg, Richard."
Silicon Valley
"The son of a bitch is a goddamned cyborg."
Silicon Valley
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, distinguished guests,"
Silicon Valley
"Question-- What is a moonshot?"
Silicon Valley
"A moonshot is an idea so big, so bold,"
Silicon Valley
"as to be impossible until it is not."
Silicon Valley
"- Magellan circumnavigating... - There you are."
Silicon Valley
"Sorry, I got lost. But I think I'm supposed to be here--"
Silicon Valley
"- Shh! Come on. - Not so long ago,"
Silicon Valley
"people called the idea of sending a man to the moon a moonshot."
Silicon Valley
"But we did it, and that is just the beginning."
Silicon Valley
"No idea will be too big for our newest division,"
Silicon Valley
"Hooli ."
Silicon Valley
"xyz."
Silicon Valley
"- It's been a long... - How long do I have to stay here?"
Silicon Valley
"- Cause lunch-- - Shh!"
Silicon Valley
"And today, I'm pleased to announce"
Silicon Valley
"that after some negotiations and arm-twisting,"
Silicon Valley
"the brilliant Professor Davis Bannerchek,"
Silicon Valley
"a pioneer in robotics"
Silicon Valley
"and founder of Somerville Dynamics,"
Silicon Valley
Show more clips