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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Lady (S02E02)

"the person who works in his office."
Silicon Valley
"Does anybody have an extra ticket? My investor cannot pay."
Silicon Valley
"That's actually not true."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, I think they must have misplaced the tickets."
Silicon Valley
"No, we have everyone's tickets here."
Silicon Valley
"Can you please check? Erlich Bachman?"
Silicon Valley
"E-r-I-c-h..."
Silicon Valley
"- That's not at all how it's spelled here. - Let's go, Jian."
Silicon Valley
"Have a nice night. Thank you. Next."
Silicon Valley
"- Excuse me, do you have a ticket? - God damn it!"
Silicon Valley
"- Jian-Yang, come here! - Do you have a ticket?"
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Jian-Yang, how-- how was last night?"
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"It was sad."
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"Erlich, he promised me dinner with a big meat."
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"Big meat?"
Silicon Valley
"- Big meet people. - Meet people?"
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"Then people say, No, you can't come in."
Silicon Valley
"Wait, so you guys didn't get in?"
Silicon Valley
"We went to Taco Bell."
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"Erlich, he started crying in Taco Bell."
Silicon Valley
"He tried to blame the taco sauce."
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"- Richard? - Yes."
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"- OJ says you wanted to see me? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"Um, I don't want to say this"
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"any of this, at all,"
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"but several employees have lodged a complaint against you."
Silicon Valley
"For what?"
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"For making this a hostile workplace."
Silicon Valley
"by, quote,"
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"Repeatedly rubbing our fucking faces"
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"in the fact that Richard Hendricks is a pussy"
Silicon Valley
"who gave a new hire more than us."
Silicon Valley
"Interesting."
Silicon Valley
"And which two of the several lodged a complaint?"
Silicon Valley
"Actually, our policy guarantees anonymity,"
Silicon Valley
"so I can't tell you that."
Silicon Valley
"Look, you and I both know how much you make."
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"Are you fucking with them?"
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"Yeah, of course I'm fucking with them."
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"I bought a fake Dolce & Gabbana bag"
Silicon Valley
"at a swap meet to piss them off"
Silicon Valley
"and apparently it did."
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"And I lied and said I was getting a Mercedes."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, I also left a fake credit-card statement"
Silicon Valley
"open on my screen,"
Silicon Valley
"'cause I thought they'd see it. Did they see it?"
Silicon Valley
"They saw it."
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"- Yeah, sweet. - Carla."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, all right, but what I used to do to fuck with them"
Silicon Valley
"involved gay porn and Photoshop,"
Silicon Valley
"so I don't think that would"
Silicon Valley
"be cool after OJ's big harassment speech."
Silicon Valley
"Huh. So in effect, the policy worked."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I-- can we not do any of it?"
Silicon Valley
"It just that they're getting really pissed"
Silicon Valley
"and it's really distracting."
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"All right."
Silicon Valley
"- No more Cunty. - Terrific."
Silicon Valley
"- That's really good. - Cunty's done."
Silicon Valley
"Great. But you said it again, but maybe that's the last time."
Silicon Valley
"Cunty's done. I'm gonna call you OJ, though."
Silicon Valley
"- Yeah, that's fine. - That's for good."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, because in my head, I change the meaning"
Silicon Valley
"from Other Jared to Original Jared, so now it's a compliment."
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"If I have to, I'm going to keep my fucking Star Blazer"
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"VHS tapes in my room!"
Silicon Valley
"It doesn't take an IQ of nine"
Silicon Valley
"to know they should remain alphabetized."
Silicon Valley
"I want to watch a specific episode."
Silicon Valley
"And it's not like they're on fucking DVD!"
Silicon Valley
"Hey, um, Erlich,"
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"I just want to say this is your house"
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"and you've been really cool letting us stay here for all this time,"
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"and as soon as we get our office space, we'll be out of your way."
Silicon Valley
"And how soon is that going to be?"
Silicon Valley
"Soon."
Silicon Valley
"And look,"
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"I realize it's not fair that I bring someone into your house"
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"that you don't want here, so,"
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"I will call the cyborg"
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"and I will rescind the offer."
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"No, Richard, I've been thinking,"
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"the cyborg is a solid coder."
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"- You should hire him. - It's fine, I'll get someone else."
Silicon Valley
"Don't be stupid, Richard. You need a full working beta up"
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"in the next few months. Just hire the guy."
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"I'm not being stupid, okay? I'm not going to hire him."
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"And frankly, I'm not going to let you bully me into doing it."
Silicon Valley
"Would you look at yourself?"
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"You're still not fucking listening to me."
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"I'm trying to respect you, asshole."
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"If you want to respect me, then just hire the piece of shit."
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"Don't act like a moron. You're not going to kick Nucleus' ass"
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"acting like a fucking moron."
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"You don't get to tell me how I respect you, okay?"
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"I can respect you however the fuck I want."
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"What are you doing?"
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"I'm respecting you."
Silicon Valley
"Jared, hey, it's Richard Hendricks from Pied Piper."
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"Yeah, uh, bad news."
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"We're not gonna--"
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"What?"
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"What's that?"
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"Where?"
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"Okay, well, cyborg,"
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"fuck you, you fuckin'--"
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"- Metal-dick piece of shit. - Metal-dick piece of shit."
Silicon Valley
"What happened?"
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"He, uh, he took another job"
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"from Russ fucking Hanneman."
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"- What? - Yeah."
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"Apparently, I said so much"
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"nice shit about him in the board meeting,"
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"Russ offered him a job at one of his other fucking companies"
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"for a lot more money. Our own investor poached him."
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"And he went?"
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"Fucking cyborg."
Silicon Valley
"Richard! You need to come see this."
Silicon Valley
"What event could this possibly be used at?"
Silicon Valley
"Are you happy?"
Silicon Valley
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