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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Lady (S02E02)

"and dump the jam into the yogurt?"
Silicon Valley
"How would you know that? Have you been eating my Fage yogurts?"
Silicon Valley
"No, I saw it on the billboards."
Silicon Valley
"Well, what they don't tell you on the billboards"
Silicon Valley
"is that you can't get all of it out-- look at that!"
Silicon Valley
"You have to dig it out. But you can't dig it out"
Silicon Valley
"with these big-as-hell, wide fucking spoons."
Silicon Valley
"This isn't about the spoons, is it, Erlich?"
Silicon Valley
"This is about Jared Patakian."
Silicon Valley
"This is about me not letting you tell me who I can or can't hire."
Silicon Valley
"Or maybe it's about the fact that you're the one"
Silicon Valley
"- who's been using my narrow spoons? - Okay."
Silicon Valley
"You and I both have to get ready for a board meeting."
Silicon Valley
"Can we just stop with the nonsense?"
Silicon Valley
"- Nonsense? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"- This is nonsense? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"You know, half the yogurt's gonna go unused"
Silicon Valley
"because one quarter of the jam can't come out."
Silicon Valley
"Thank you for hosting. You have a lovely home."
Silicon Valley
"- Yeah, I do. - I like this painting."
Silicon Valley
"- Is it sperm? - No, three commas."
Silicon Valley
"Know what has three commas in it, Richard?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?"
Silicon Valley
"No, a billion dollars."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I'm in the three-comma club."
Silicon Valley
"You know, you play your cards right,"
Silicon Valley
"you could be in the three-comma club, too."
Silicon Valley
"But probably not. But you could be. Probably not."
Silicon Valley
"There she is. Say hello to tonight's fifth board member,"
Silicon Valley
"- my girlfriend Nastia. - Charmed."
Silicon Valley
"You are Jew."
Silicon Valley
"Episcopalian, actually."
Silicon Valley
"Jew-- good at business."
Silicon Valley
"My baby's got some ideas about Jews,"
Silicon Valley
"some good, some bad."
Silicon Valley
"Dad?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, hey there, buddy."
Silicon Valley
"Hello. Who's this? Another board member?"
Silicon Valley
"Aspen, it's time for bed."
Silicon Valley
"I don't want to go to bed."
Silicon Valley
"I'm sorry, buddy. It's not up to me."
Silicon Valley
"I need you to cooperate, Aspen."
Silicon Valley
"Ten, nine, eight,"
Silicon Valley
"- seven, six, five... - Fine."
Silicon Valley
"- ...four, three-- Good boy. - What the hell is that?"
Silicon Valley
"Company I'm funding. We call it the Lady."
Silicon Valley
"I press a button, and the lady tells Aspen"
Silicon Valley
"when it's time for bed,"
Silicon Valley
"time to take a bath,"
Silicon Valley
"when his fucking mother's here to pick him up."
Silicon Valley
"I get to be his friend and she's the bad guy."
Silicon Valley
"Undisrupted fatherhood. It's visionary technology."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, come on. Board meeting, bitches."
Silicon Valley
"Aspen, remember to take your medication."
Silicon Valley
"Just remember, Russ only has two board seats,"
Silicon Valley
"so as long as we vote together, we can carry every vote."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I'm familiar with the rules of a board meeting."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, so 409A valuation report and new ESOPs."
Silicon Valley
"Is there a motion to approve?"
Silicon Valley
"Great, it's unanimous. Approved."
Silicon Valley
"Now we need to clear the equity packages"
Silicon Valley
"we're offering to a couple prospective hires,"
Silicon Valley
"Carla Walton and Jared Patakian."
Silicon Valley
"Fucking cyborg."
Silicon Valley
"Patakian is actually a solid engineer."
Silicon Valley
"We'd be foolish not to hire him."
Silicon Valley
"He's really good. So all in favour?"
Silicon Valley
"Sounds like a good pick-up."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, four to one approved."
Silicon Valley
"All right, uh, is there anything else we need to cover?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I think we need to talk about"
Silicon Valley
"getting some shwaaaag."
Silicon Valley
"What?"
Silicon Valley
"- Shwaaag! - Sha-wagga?"
Silicon Valley
"Shwag!"
Silicon Valley
"What is it?"
Silicon Valley
"- Swag. - Swag?"
Silicon Valley
"- Swag! - What is it?"
Silicon Valley
"- Swag. - I actually don't know--"
Silicon Valley
"I think we need to build"
Silicon Valley
"on the success of our outdoor media campaign."
Silicon Valley
"I'm talking Pied Piper mouse pads, puzzle cubes,"
Silicon Valley
"fuckin' antenna balls. Come on, I'm talking 30 grand."
Silicon Valley
"That's like a hand of blackjack. All in favor?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, first billboards, now this?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, as it is, we're barely going to make it to January."
Silicon Valley
"Sorry."
Silicon Valley
"What?"
Silicon Valley
"I think it's a really solid idea."
Silicon Valley
"I think we'd be foolish not to do it."
Silicon Valley
"Cool. So three-to-two in favor-- swag!"
Silicon Valley
"Set you guys up with my marketing company."
Silicon Valley
"We'll give you a killer rate."
Silicon Valley
"Question-- who likes margaritas?"
Silicon Valley
"Answer-- everybody!"
Silicon Valley
"Babe, go out back, grab some limes from the tree, all right?"
Silicon Valley
"Who likes swag? This guy, this guy."
Silicon Valley
"We gonna get our swag on!"
Silicon Valley
"What the fuck are you doing?"
Silicon Valley
"You just cost us $30,000."
Silicon Valley
"I thought we agreed to present a unified front here."
Silicon Valley
"Well, if Richard wants a unified front,"
Silicon Valley
"then maybe Richard should do a better job at unifying it."
Silicon Valley
"Why are you such a dick?"
Silicon Valley
"Why are you unable to listen"
Silicon Valley
"to people who know what they're talking about?"
Silicon Valley
"Speaking of Mexico, I'm supposed to go to Cabo tomorrow,"
Silicon Valley
"but I got roped into buying these two tickets"
Silicon Valley
"to the Muir Woods preservation thing tomorrow night."
Silicon Valley
"Sean Parker's charity? That's a big event."
Silicon Valley
"Gonna be a lot of members of the three-comma club there. Am I right?"
Silicon Valley
"Total asshole parade. Anyone want these stupid things?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I'm down."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, and Richard, no, you can't come."
Silicon Valley
"- But Monica… - No."
Silicon Valley
"Okay. Babe, I said limes-- limes."
Silicon Valley
"She's honestly so fucking stupid."
Silicon Valley
"She doesn't even know what I'm saying right now."
Silicon Valley
"And until we get real office space,"
Silicon Valley
"I guess we could just put you right here."
Silicon Valley
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