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Clips from Seinfeld - The Wife (S05E05)

"Mom, I'm not married."
Seinfeld
"- What? - I'm not married."
Seinfeld
"I knew it. I told you."
Seinfeld
"Uncle Leo said."
Seinfeld
"I'm just pretending I'm married to get a discount on dry cleaning."
Seinfeld
"A discount on dry cleaning?"
Seinfeld
"Could you make a little more noise?"
Seinfeld
"I'll have to call you later."
Seinfeld
"Well, I give up."
Seinfeld
"Well, whoopee-woo."
Seinfeld
"- You got any coffee? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Oh, boy."
Seinfeld
"I'll get it, I'll get it."
Seinfeld
"Take it easy. Why are you so tired?"
Seinfeld
"My quilt is still at the cleaners."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, I can't sleep without my quilt."
Seinfeld
"The other night I was cold, so last night..."
Seinfeld
"...I turned up the heat, it's too hot. I opened up a window, it's too cold."
Seinfeld
"I can't get into the zone."
Seinfeld
"What is that? That."
Seinfeld
"I forgot."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry about all that can opener stuff."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Me too."
Seinfeld
"- I love you. - I love you."
Seinfeld
"- Well, good night. - Good night."
Seinfeld
"They could kick me out if he tells them."
Seinfeld
"What do you want me to do?"
Seinfeld
"- Talk to him. - How can I do that?"
Seinfeld
"You said the guy gave you an open-lipped kiss."
Seinfeld
"But then he wiped his hand on the top of the bottle..."
Seinfeld
"...when I offered him water."
Seinfeld
"That doesn't mean anything."
Seinfeld
"Are you kidding? That's very significant."
Seinfeld
"If he was interested in me, he'd want my germs."
Seinfeld
"He'd just crave my germs."
Seinfeld
"She's right, George. Bottle-wipe is big."
Seinfeld
"What about the open-lip kiss?"
Seinfeld
"Bottle-wipe supersedes it."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, you're right. You're right."
Seinfeld
"Maybe he's not interested, but you still know him."
Seinfeld
"- Can't you just ask him? - George."
Seinfeld
"But if I ask him now..."
Seinfeld
"...I will have no chance of going out with him."
Seinfeld
"Why?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Could it be because you don't want him to know..."
Seinfeld
"...that your friend pees in the shower?"
Seinfeld
"- That's not it. - I think it is."
Seinfeld
"- That's exactly what it is. - Why couldn't you wait?"
Seinfeld
"I was there. I saw a drain."
Seinfeld
"- Since when is a drain a toilet? - It's all pipes."
Seinfeld
"- What's the difference? - Different pipes go to different places."
Seinfeld
"- You're gonna mix them up. - I'll call a plumber right now."
Seinfeld
"- Can we just drop the pee-pipes stuff? - Okay."
Seinfeld
"Okay, okay, I will talk to him."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry, I think that quilt is ready. - All right."
Seinfeld
"- You gotta pick it up. - I'll pick it up."
Seinfeld
"- But it's the last time I'm doing it. - I'm so tired."
Seinfeld
"- You don't look good. - Huh? I don't?"
Seinfeld
"- No. You look pale. - Pale?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God. I gotta meet Anna's parents today."
Seinfeld
"Hello? Hi, honey."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I told him."
Seinfeld
"I'll get it."
Seinfeld
"Whenever."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"Okay, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"- I'm sorry. It's not ready yet. - Not ready?"
Seinfeld
"It has to be ready. What kind of a business are you running here?"
Seinfeld
"Who the hell are you? It's not your quilt."
Seinfeld
"He's a good friend of mine. He's like an older brother to me."
Seinfeld
"When things don't go right, he takes it personally."
Seinfeld
"- Maybe tomorrow. - Maybe."
Seinfeld
"It's okay. It'll be okay."
Seinfeld
"- I'll see you later. - Where you going?"
Seinfeld
"I gotta meet Anna's parents, remember? I look terrible."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna hit the tanning machines."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe you still do that. It's bad for you."
Seinfeld
"That's how I maintain my glow."
Seinfeld
"- I'm going home. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Excuse me. - Yeah?"
Seinfeld
"How much would it cost to clean this?"
Seinfeld
"- Oh, about $13. - Thirteen?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I can't afford that."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"- Hi, Greg. - Hey, Elaine. I'll be off in a second."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"I got the machine next, buddy."
Seinfeld
"It's all yours."
Seinfeld
"What happened? Did he bring it up?"
Seinfeld
"Never mind that. Look at the signal I just got."
Seinfeld
"Signal? What signal?"
Seinfeld
"He knew I'd use it next. He didn't wipe his sweat off."
Seinfeld
"That's a gesture of intimacy."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you what that is."
Seinfeld
"That's a violation of club rules."
Seinfeld
"- Now I got him. You're my witness. - Wait a second, George. Listen."
Seinfeld
"He knew what he was doing. This was a signal."
Seinfeld
"- A guy leaves sweat, that's a signal? - Yes. It's a social thing."
Seinfeld
"If he left a used Kleenex, what's that, a valentine?"
Seinfeld
"You tell him if he's thinking of turning me in..."
Seinfeld
"- ...that I got the goods on him. - No. I won't be a party to this."
Seinfeld
"So you're gonna let me get suspended for shower urination?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, I'll talk to him..."
Seinfeld
"...but you're putting me in very a difficult position."
Seinfeld
"- I can't let you do this. - I want to."
Seinfeld
"- But it isn't right. I can't. - Give me the clothes."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, please."
Seinfeld
"- What about her? - Oh, the hell with her."
Seinfeld
"I can't."
Seinfeld
"No, Jerry, please."
Seinfeld
"I'm not gonna let you walk out of my life."
Seinfeld
"I can't fight you."
Seinfeld
"Do you want box or hanger?"
Seinfeld
"You decide."
Seinfeld
"You're really working up quite a sweat today."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Oh, there's the manager."
Seinfeld
"Good. I think I'm gonna talk to her about that guy."
Seinfeld
"We can't have people like that here."
Seinfeld
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