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Clips from Cheers - Fortune and Men's Weight (S02E02)

GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY."

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NORM! NORM! NORM!

"NORM! NORM! NORM!"

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HOW DOES A BEER SOUND, NORM?

"HOW DOES A BEER SOUND, NORM?"

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I DON'T KNOW, COACH.

"I DON'T KNOW, COACH."

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I USUALLY FINISH THEM BEFORE THEY GET A WORD IN.

"I USUALLY FINISH THEM BEFORE THEY GET A WORD IN."

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HEY, UH, NORM. AREN'T YOU A LITTLE DRESSED UP

"HEY, UH, NORM. AREN'T YOU A LITTLE DRESSED UP"

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JUST TO COME HERE AND SUCK ON TAPS ALL NIGHT?

"JUST TO COME HERE AND SUCK ON TAPS ALL NIGHT?"

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CLIFFIE, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

"CLIFFIE, IF YOU MUST KNOW,"

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I HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR THIS EVENING.

"I HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR THIS EVENING."

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I HAVE A DATE.

"I HAVE A DATE."

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OOOOHHH!

"OOOOHHH!"

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A DATE! WHO IS IT?

"A DATE! WHO IS IT?"

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I DON'T KNOW. IT'S A BLIND DATE.

"I DON'T KNOW. IT'S A BLIND DATE."

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UH, UH DANGEROUS. DANGEROUS.

"UH, UH DANGEROUS. DANGEROUS."

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WALKING INTO A MINEFIELD THERE, BOY.

"WALKING INTO A MINEFIELD THERE, BOY."

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NO. NO. NO. A FRIEND OF MINE SET US UP.

"NO. NO. NO. A FRIEND OF MINE SET US UP."

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HE ASSURES ME THE WOMAN'S PERFECT FOR ME.

"HE ASSURES ME THE WOMAN'S PERFECT FOR ME."

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THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

"THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY."

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UH, LET ME GUESS-- SAID SHE HAD GOOD TABLE MANNERS,

"UH, LET ME GUESS-- SAID SHE HAD GOOD TABLE MANNERS,"

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GREAT PERSONALITY, AND EXCELLENT POSTURE, RIGHT?

"GREAT PERSONALITY, AND EXCELLENT POSTURE, RIGHT?"

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SURE, THEY ALWAYS MAKE IT SOUND GOOD.

"SURE, THEY ALWAYS MAKE IT SOUND GOOD."

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AS A MATTER OF FACT,

"AS A MATTER OF FACT,"

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CLIFFIE, HE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS EASY ON THE EYES.

"CLIFFIE, HE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS EASY ON THE EYES."

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YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, NORM.

"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, NORM."

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* MAKIN' YOUR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *

"* MAKIN' YOUR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *"

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* TAKIN' A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *

"* TAKIN' A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *"

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* SURE WOULD HELP ALOT

"* SURE WOULD HELP ALOT"

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* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY *

"* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY *"

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* SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO *

"* SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO *"

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* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME

"* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME"

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* YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE

"* YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE"

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* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW

"* YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW"

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* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANNA GO

"* YOU WANNA GO"

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* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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WHOA, WHOA.

"WHOA, WHOA."

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WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?

"WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?"

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WANT WHAT?

"WANT WHAT?"

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WAIT. WHOA. WHOA. WAIT A SECOND. I DIDN'T ORDER THAT.

"WAIT. WHOA. WHOA. WAIT A SECOND. I DIDN'T ORDER THAT."

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CHEERS, RIGHT?

"CHEERS, RIGHT?"

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YEAH.

"YEAH."

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COACH, DID YOU BUY THIS?

"COACH, DID YOU BUY THIS?"

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NO, NOT ME, SAM.

"NO, NOT ME, SAM."

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YOU GOT YOUR NAME HERE ON THE INVOICE.

"YOU GOT YOUR NAME HERE ON THE INVOICE."

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IT'S GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF MISTAKE.

"IT'S GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF MISTAKE."

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WHY WOULD I BUY A CRATE?

"WHY WOULD I BUY A CRATE?"

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IT'S AN ANTIQUE SCALE, COACH.

"IT'S AN ANTIQUE SCALE, COACH."

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OH, YEAH. I BOUGHT THE SCALE, SAM.

"OH, YEAH. I BOUGHT THE SCALE, SAM."

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BUT GEE, NOW THAT I LOOK AT IT, I'M KIND OF DISAPPOINTED.

"BUT GEE, NOW THAT I LOOK AT IT, I'M KIND OF DISAPPOINTED."

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MISTER, WE'RE IN A HURRY. CAN YOU SIGN IT?

"MISTER, WE'RE IN A HURRY. CAN YOU SIGN IT?"

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YEAH. YEAH...COACH, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

"YEAH. YEAH...COACH, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?"

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I'VE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES--

"I'VE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES--"

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PLEASE, DON'T BUY ANYTHING FOR THE BAR WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST.

"PLEASE, DON'T BUY ANYTHING FOR THE BAR WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST."

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GEE, I'M SORRY, SAM.

"GEE, I'M SORRY, SAM."

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THAT SALESMAN-- I JUST COULDN'T RESIST HIM.

"THAT SALESMAN-- I JUST COULDN'T RESIST HIM."

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I MEAN, HE HAD A WAY ABOUT HIM.

"I MEAN, HE HAD A WAY ABOUT HIM."

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ONE OF THOSE FAST TALKERS?

"ONE OF THOSE FAST TALKERS?"

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NO. NO. NO. NO. WAS A BIG TALL SKINNY GUY, YOU KNOW, WITH A BEARD...

"NO. NO. NO. NO. WAS A BIG TALL SKINNY GUY, YOU KNOW, WITH A BEARD..."

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REMINDED ME OF SOMEBODY IN HISTORY...

"REMINDED ME OF SOMEBODY IN HISTORY..."

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A PRESIDENT...

"A PRESIDENT..."

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THAT GUY WHO FREED THE SLAVES.

"THAT GUY WHO FREED THE SLAVES."

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ABRAHAM LINCOLN?

"ABRAHAM LINCOLN?"

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THAT'S IT. ONLY THIS GUY, HE WASN'T NICE AT ALL.

"THAT'S IT. ONLY THIS GUY, HE WASN'T NICE AT ALL."

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AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS KIND OF MEAN.

"AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS KIND OF MEAN."

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HE REMINDED ME

"HE REMINDED ME"

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OF THAT LITTLE GUY IN GERMANY WITH THE MUSTACHE.

"OF THAT LITTLE GUY IN GERMANY WITH THE MUSTACHE."

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WORLD WAR II.

"WORLD WAR II."

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ADOLF HITLER?

"ADOLF HITLER?"

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DON'T PLAY TRIVIA WITH THIS GUY.

"DON'T PLAY TRIVIA WITH THIS GUY."

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COACH, YOU MEAN THIS GUY WAS A CROSS

"COACH, YOU MEAN THIS GUY WAS A CROSS"

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BETWEEN ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND HITLER?

"BETWEEN ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND HITLER?"

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NORMIE, I DON'T KNOW.

"NORMIE, I DON'T KNOW."

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I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, HE WAS STRANGE, NORMIE.

"I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, HE WAS STRANGE, NORMIE."

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HE WAS ALL DRESSED IN BLACK,

"HE WAS ALL DRESSED IN BLACK,"

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AND HIS EYES SHINED LIKE COALS.

"AND HIS EYES SHINED LIKE COALS."

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AND HE HAD THIS DEEP VOICE, AND HE SAID TO ME,

"AND HE HAD THIS DEEP VOICE, AND HE SAID TO ME,"

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"ZIS SCALE VILL NOT ONLY TELL YOU YOUR VEIGHT,

""ZIS SCALE VILL NOT ONLY TELL YOU YOUR VEIGHT,"

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BUT IT WILL TELL YOU YOUR DESTINY!"

"BUT IT WILL TELL YOU YOUR DESTINY!""

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HE HAD AN ACCENT.

"HE HAD AN ACCENT."

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NO.

"NO."

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THEN WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE

"THEN WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE"

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"YOUR VEIGHT" AND "YOUR DESTINY?"

""YOUR VEIGHT" AND "YOUR DESTINY?""

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JUST A LITTLE COLOR, CARLA.

"JUST A LITTLE COLOR, CARLA."

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WELL, WHATEVER. I'M CALLING THIS IT.

"WELL, WHATEVER. I'M CALLING THIS IT."

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OH, SAM. ISN'T YOU CURIOSITY PEEKED?

"OH, SAM. ISN'T YOU CURIOSITY PEEKED?"

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I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

"I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE."

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YEAH. AND THAT DESTINY THING MUST MEAN IT'S ONE OF THOSE SCALES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNES.

"YEAH. AND THAT DESTINY THING MUST MEAN IT'S ONE OF THOSE SCALES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNES."

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OH, ALL RIGHT, GO ON. OPEN IT.

"OH, ALL RIGHT, GO ON. OPEN IT."

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OH, GOODY.

"OH, GOODY."

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BUT I'M STILL SENDING IT BACK.

"BUT I'M STILL SENDING IT BACK."

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COACH, GIVE NORMAN A SCREWDRIVER PLEASE.

"COACH, GIVE NORMAN A SCREWDRIVER PLEASE."

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HEY, WHOA. DIANE, I GOT A BIG DATE HERE.

"HEY, WHOA. DIANE, I GOT A BIG DATE HERE."

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I DON'T WANT TO GET PITS.

"I DON'T WANT TO GET PITS."

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OH, COME ON, IT WON'T BE THAT HARD.

"OH, COME ON, IT WON'T BE THAT HARD."

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IT'S ALL RIGHT, NORM.

"IT'S ALL RIGHT, NORM."

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WE'LL STOP YOU BEFORE YOUR SHOES GET SQUISHY.

"WE'LL STOP YOU BEFORE YOUR SHOES GET SQUISHY."

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WELL, NOW, LET ME GIVE YOU AN OPENING HINT

"WELL, NOW, LET ME GIVE YOU AN OPENING HINT"

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FROM A GUY WHO'S OPENED A LOT OF THESE RASCALS, HERE.

"FROM A GUY WHO'S OPENED A LOT OF THESE RASCALS, HERE."

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IF YOU SMACK THIS BABY RIGHT ABOUT HERE, I THINK, NORMIE.

"IF YOU SMACK THIS BABY RIGHT ABOUT HERE, I THINK, NORMIE."

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IT'LL OPEN UP LIKE A BIG WALNUT.

"IT'LL OPEN UP LIKE A BIG WALNUT."

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THAT'S THE EPICENTER OF THE FULCRUM, AS I REMEMBER.

"THAT'S THE EPICENTER OF THE FULCRUM, AS I REMEMBER."

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YOU BETTER STEP BACK, HERE, DIANE. THIS THING WILL SHEER YOUR KNEECAPS RIGHT OFF.

"YOU BETTER STEP BACK, HERE, DIANE. THIS THING WILL SHEER YOUR KNEECAPS RIGHT OFF."

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CLIFFIE!

"CLIFFIE!"

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CLIFF, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

"CLIFF, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"

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I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES, CLYDE.

"I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES, CLYDE."

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I THINK THE DOG GOT THEM.

"I THINK THE DOG GOT THEM."

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COME BACK HERE. HERE WE GO.

"COME BACK HERE. HERE WE GO."

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THERE YOU GO.

"THERE YOU GO."

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THERE YOU GO.

"THERE YOU GO."

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LET'S GET HER OUT.

"LET'S GET HER OUT."

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WHOOOO!

"WHOOOO!"

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WHOA! AIN'T THAT NICE?

"WHOA! AIN'T THAT NICE?"

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SAM, I LIKE IT. CAN WE KEEP IT? CAN WE KEEP IT?

"SAM, I LIKE IT. CAN WE KEEP IT? CAN WE KEEP IT?"

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WELL I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO.

"WELL I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO."

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THE NUMBER'S BEEN DISCONNECTED AND THERE'S NO NEW NUMBER.

"THE NUMBER'S BEEN DISCONNECTED AND THERE'S NO NEW NUMBER."

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THE GUY'S OBVIOUSLY A CON MAN, COACH.

"THE GUY'S OBVIOUSLY A CON MAN, COACH."

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I KNEW IT. I KNEW HE WAS A CONMAN THE MINUTE I LAID EYES ON HIM.

"I KNEW IT. I KNEW HE WAS A CONMAN THE MINUTE I LAID EYES ON HIM."

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