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Clips from Weeds - Suck 'n' Spit (S05E05)

"Previously on Weeds:"
Weeds
"Can't get our weed without a court."
Weeds
"I will help you. After I slam his dick..."
Weeds
"-...in this drawer. -I can do this."
Weeds
"You're Pretty! will front you the products you need..."
Weeds
"...to put yourself on the road to financial freedom."
Weeds
"I can sell a lot more makeup if I give a free gift."
Weeds
"Oh, no. I can't steal their weed."
Weeds
"No, you just tell them that you got ripped off by black people."
Weeds
"-Strike a pose, Harm. -They really wanna have sex."
Weeds
"Both of them? Use condoms."
Weeds
"All I know is some Mexi-cunt screeches at you..."
Weeds
"...suddenly the marriage is off."
Weeds
"She is just protecting my public image."
Weeds
"No. Because she owns you."
Weeds
"I am the father of this child."
Weeds
"I couldn't put Esteban's name on the birth certificate."
Weeds
"So you put my name on it."
Weeds
"I'm not doing this for you. This is for me."
Weeds
"I want something that matters."
Weeds
"This is unacceptable. My son will be baptized."
Weeds
"Sorry, he's Jewish."
Weeds
"My son's not gonna be raised by that pendejo."
Weeds
"That pendejo sticks around. And he's not a coward."
Weeds
"Andy?"
Weeds
"I need the bed, Andy."
Weeds
"-It lives here. -I made up the couch for you."
Weeds
"Soft."
Weeds
"-Lots of blankets. -Great."
Weeds
"Enjoy it."
Weeds
"No. Jesus."
Weeds
"So are you and Esteban over?"
Weeds
"Looks that way."
Weeds
"He's pissed about the Jew thing, huh?"
Weeds
"I have no idea, Andy. Why don't you ask him?"
Weeds
"Can you turn off the light, please?"
Weeds
"No. My bed, my rules."
Weeds
"Okay, there's some things I wanna say."
Weeds
"-Of course there are. -First, physical contact."
Weeds
"If we have to share a bed, don't even think about spooning me."
Weeds
"That's not happening."
Weeds
"Second. Pillows. I use three:"
Weeds
"under the head, between the legs, and a hugger."
Weeds
"Third, night farts happen."
Weeds
"Especially since I've been dieting."
Weeds
"So beware when you lift the covers, and don't expect apologies."
Weeds
"Andy!"
Weeds
"I need sleep! One night of sleep! In a bed!"
Weeds
"No sounds, no lights, nothing!"
Weeds
"Fine. Well, just so you know, I'm not your rebound guy."
Weeds
"He's winding up. Go get him."
Weeds
"-What about Lupita? -It's her night off."
Weeds
"You wanted to be a daddy."
Weeds
"This is your big chance. Night feeding."
Weeds
"It's where the big boys play."
Weeds
"-This is just so you can have the bed. -Yes, it is."
Weeds
"There's breast milk in the fridge."
Weeds
"You can warm it up in the bottle in a pot of hot water. And test it."
Weeds
"And don't forget to burp him. And sing. He likes that."
Weeds
""Me and Mrs. Jones.""
Weeds
"Seriously?"
Weeds
""We got a thing going on.""
Weeds
"Can you check on the baby?"
Weeds
"I fed him."
Weeds
"He probably pooped. That's how babies work."
Weeds
"I was thinking that you could handle the poop..."
Weeds
"...and I would amuse him by making funny faces."
Weeds
"You can make funny faces while you wipe his butt."
Weeds
"I'm gonna pump."
Weeds
"Okay."
Weeds
"What? I just changed him."
Weeds
"He's hungry again."
Weeds
"He wants his mommy."
Weeds
"I'm empty, from the last pumping. Go pop a bottle in his mouth."
Weeds
"You're trying to break me, aren't you?"
Weeds
"No. This is what parenting is."
Weeds
"Shit and food."
Weeds
"Shit."
Weeds
"And food. Mostly shit."
Weeds
"Wiping shit."
Weeds
"Keeping them away from shit. Minimizing the external shit."
Weeds
"It's parenting. Shit."
Weeds
"What above love?"
Weeds
"It's there, it's just buried under all the shit."
Weeds
"I still feel used."
Weeds
"Talk after you've had something..."
Weeds
"...clamped to your breast every three to four hours."
Weeds
"You think I never had my nipples clamped?"
Weeds
"-Ashley Stepanski-- -Like I care. Go. He's crying."
Weeds
"Go, go."
Weeds
"So after the judge signs off on the release form..."
Weeds
"...and after I get the pot from the cop at the evidence locker..."
Weeds
"...I put it in a black duffel."
Weeds
"I bought one for this. I'm not gonna charge you."
Weeds
"I threw it in the back of my car..."
Weeds
"...but on my way home, Marine View Road is closed."
Weeds
"So I detour onto Pacific, but I didn't know..."
Weeds
"...that it would take me to Chula Vista."
Weeds
"So I'm lost. I don't have GPS, so I stop at a gas station."
Weeds
"But the attendant only speaks Bengali..."
Weeds
"...so I ask a couple of guys selling stuffed tigers outside the mini-mart..."
Weeds
"...if they know how to get to Ren Mar. Next thing, I wake up in the backseat."
Weeds
"They got everything. Your pot is gone."
Weeds
"I've got a crooked dick, and there's no pot?"
Weeds
"Silas, you understand. You know, it wasn't my fault."
Weeds
"I'm the victim here."
Weeds
"Hey, Shane."
Weeds
"Holy shit, nice bar."
Weeds
"-Can we get drunk? -Hi."
Weeds
"-I'm not sure.... -Go ahead, tell him."
Weeds
"Tell me what?"
Weeds
"-There's this thing.... -It hurts when we pee."
Weeds
"-It might be nothing. -Or it might be chlamydia."
Weeds
"-See anything? -Nothing on the underside."
Weeds
"What's the white stuff under the head?"
Weeds
"It's just lotion from this morning."
Weeds
"-This morning? -Nothing. I don't know."
Weeds
"Oh, shit. Okay, didn't see anything. Have fun, kids. Have fun."
Weeds
"Nope, I'm back."
Weeds
"Can't allow this. Doesn't seem very responsible."
Weeds
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