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Clips from Broad City - Pu$$y Weed (S01E01)

"I can't really imagine what it's like"
Broad City
"for people with blue eyes."
Broad City
"I've no idea, and I'm feeling like a (bleep) freak!"
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"Exactly, dude, it's like... I think they can see backwards,"
Broad City
"like into the eye."
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"Is that your vaporizer?"
Broad City
"Vapelife."
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"Man, I wanna get high."
Broad City
"Here."
Broad City
"No, that does not work."
Broad City
"You can keep trying, but it's never gonna work."
Broad City
"I'll come over and smoke you right up."
Broad City
"Okay, and then we can go to BBB!"
Broad City
"Peace."
Broad City
"(reverberating)"
Broad City
"(man) Hey Ab"
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"I've been meaning to ask"
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"I'm missing like a bunch of my undies."
Broad City
"So I had an envelope up here with all of"
Broad City
"my Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons."
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"I can't find it."
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"I threw them away, they were all expired."
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"Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons never expire."
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"They have expiration dates on them."
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"Yeah, to-- to throw idiots off!"
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"Where do you think all this stuff comes from?"
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"You think someone drops it off?"
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"No! This is Bed, Bath & Beyond?"
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"Yeah! Dude, they sell lots of stuff."
Broad City
"You just threw away bowls,"
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"maybe coffee filters, a-- a new ottoman!"
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"Well, you asked me to clean the fridge."
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"The inside of the fridge."
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"The inside of the fridge is fine."
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"It's all those junky coupons on top that had to go."
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"I guess that's totally on me, I guess."
Broad City
"Can't even do chores around the house!"
Broad City
"Hey! I will not buy a Sodastream full price, Bevers!"
Broad City
"I will not do it!"
Broad City
"♪ Four and three and two and one ♪"
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"♪"
Broad City
"Yeah."
Broad City
"Oh, yeah."
Broad City
"(grunting)"
Broad City
"Ooh!"
Broad City
"Oh, my God."
Broad City
"(Abbi) Um, Ilana... Yeah?"
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"You just pulled a bag of pot out of your vagina."
Broad City
"I know."
Broad City
"Why-- why would you do that?"
Broad City
"I do it all the time."
Broad City
"Honestly, it's the safest way to travel."
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"Apparently, I have been smoking this tainted weed"
Broad City
"for I don't even know how long."
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"I didn't mean that."
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"It's just disturbing to me."
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"I don't-- I don't know what to tell you."
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"It's in a bag."
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"And, you know, the vaya-nya is nature's pocket."
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"It's-- it's natural, and it's responsible."
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"I shouldn't even be bumming off of you."
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"(Ilana) Oh, who cares? No, I'm an adult."
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"I should be buying my own pot."
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"Wow!"
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"Never thought this day would come, you know?"
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"I would be honored and pleasured to facilitate this."
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"No, no, no."
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"None of your dudes."
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"I wanna get my own pot, okay?"
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"I'm not gonna be like holding my mommy's hand while I buy drugs."
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"I can do this. (Ilana) You know what I'm gonna do?"
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"I'm gonna be a grown-ass woman and do my taxes for once,"
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"without my mommy and daddy."
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"Get it, bitch. I'm gonna call some old college buds,"
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"a buncha weed-heads."
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"Hit 'em up!"
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"I'm gonna get those taxes did."
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"I'll hop on the Q18, catch the N and then transfer to the R,"
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"and get home in a tight 95 'cause the G ain't runnin'."
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"Whoa!"
Broad City
"Um, but it was because someone jumped on the tracks"
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"to kill themselves, it was really sad."
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"Love ya, bitch!"
Broad City
"That really is sad."
Broad City
"♪"
Broad City
"I mean, good luck with the trial."
Broad City
"I'll be sendin' positive vibes."
Broad City
"Okay, all right."
Broad City
"Bye."
Broad City
"(cell phone vibrating)"
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"Oh!"
Broad City
"(woman) Abbi? Cheese?"
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"Cheese."
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"No one's called me Cheese in, like, forever."
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"Um, I'm just callin' 'cause I was curious if you were still,"
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"you know, like sellin' the greenery, 'cause, um,"
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"'cause I'm lookin' to buy some greenery, so..."
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"You still smoke pot?"
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"Oh, Abbi."
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"This is a prank call! Bye!"
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"So sad. (kids screaming)"
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"(sighs)"
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"I know, mommy knows."
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"Hemmy, you deserve to be a citizen so hard."
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"You are so good at doing my taxes."
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"Totally is a privilege for me."
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"You know, 'cause taxes pay for the gayest stuff."
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"Okay, who pays for the library? Taxes."
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"Parks? Beaches?"
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"The Army. Hello?"
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"Oh, and they pay for the policemen and the firemen, too,"
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"if you think about it. That's right."
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"I just can't wait for the day that I walk by a policeman,"
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"and I tell him,"
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"I pay for your outfit. Oh, my God."
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"You're gonna pay for a lot of outfits."
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"♪"
Broad City
"(Abbi) Weed?"
Broad City
"You have any marijuana?"
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"Pot? Pot?"
Broad City
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