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Clips from MacGruber - The Hungry Lion (S01E01)

"selling a chemical weapon to the Russian government."
MacGruber
"- We were never going to use Brimstone, you fucking dolt."
MacGruber
"No one was ever gonna die."
MacGruber
"But all that time we spent rotting away in that prison,"
MacGruber
"we perfected the plan."
MacGruber
"And now people will die."
MacGruber
"- Looks to me like you're forgetting one teeny,"
MacGruber
"tiny, little, incredibly huge thing."
MacGruber
"- Yeah? What is that?"
MacGruber
"- There's only one person in the world"
MacGruber
"who knows where Brimstone is."
MacGruber
"And his name rhymes with fuck you-ber."
MacGruber
"And that man or woman--"
MacGruber
"could be a woman--"
MacGruber
"hid it in a very safe place."
MacGruber
"So looks like you're shit out of luck, bud,"
MacGruber
"'cause you're never, ever,"
MacGruber
"ever, ever, ever gonna--"
MacGruber
"[case clicks open] Uh, what's that?"
MacGruber
"[tense music]"
MacGruber
"- Brimstone."
MacGruber
"- No, it can't be."
MacGruber
"- It can, and it is."
MacGruber
"- You're lying."
MacGruber
"You're tying play me like a blank CD."
MacGruber
"But we all know what happens to blank CDs."
MacGruber
"They get burned."
MacGruber
"- Okay."
MacGruber
"Well, if this isn't Brimstone,"
MacGruber
"then why am I gonna kill you right now?"
MacGruber
"- You're not, right?"
MacGruber
"- Perhaps you remember your old friend, Constantine Bach."
MacGruber
"Constantine."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- No."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Hello, MacGruber."
MacGruber
"- But you're dead."
MacGruber
"- No, he survived that explosion at Cunth's compound."
MacGruber
"His eyes didn't, however,"
MacGruber
"which is why he requested personally"
MacGruber
"to kill you himself."
MacGruber
"I just wish he could see what he's about to do to you."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"Well, we're off to make merry."
MacGruber
"- Hey, Queeth, one more thing."
MacGruber
"Go fuck yourself."
MacGruber
"- Another home run."
MacGruber
"Have you been working on these?"
MacGruber
"- I sure have."
MacGruber
"And I don't accept your compliment."
MacGruber
"- Goodbye, MacGruber."
MacGruber
"[dramatic music]"
MacGruber
"Constantine, he's all yours."
MacGruber
"- Fuck you!"
MacGruber
"You won't get away with this!"
MacGruber
"I'm gonna get outta here, and I'm gonna stop you!"
MacGruber
"Fuck you! - Ready the choppers."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- [cackling]"
MacGruber
"[upbeat Christmas music]"
MacGruber
"[radio chatter]"
MacGruber
"- What is all this crap we're hauling anyway?"
MacGruber
"- No idea."
MacGruber
"But it's important enough for me to get an H2 clearance"
MacGruber
"and miss my daughter's birthday."
MacGruber
"- Oh, that's too bad, man. How old is she?"
MacGruber
"- She's 8 going on 18."
MacGruber
"- [laughs]"
MacGruber
"Aw, she's a cute kid."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"Gonna need therapy, though."
MacGruber
"- Wait, why would you say..."
MacGruber
"[dramatic music]"
MacGruber
"- The partridge is in the pear tree."
MacGruber
"- Wonderful."
MacGruber
"Tell the reindeer to turn that sled around."
MacGruber
"- Copy that."
MacGruber
"- * Free *"
MacGruber
"- * When we hear *"
MacGruber
"* The voices sing *"
MacGruber
"* The book of love will open up *"
MacGruber
"* And let us in *"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"Thanks for coming."
MacGruber
"- Your message sounded pretty urgent."
MacGruber
"- Piper, MacGruber's dead!"
MacGruber
"Ohh, he's dead! Ah!"
MacGruber
"[phone beeps]"
MacGruber
"They asked him to do a suicide mission."
MacGruber
"And he RSVP'd, "Yass, queen.""
MacGruber
"He didn't tell you?"
MacGruber
"- I didn't let him."
MacGruber
"- Ohh."
MacGruber
"We used to make love to this song."
MacGruber
"- Mm."
MacGruber
"- Me and MacGruber."
MacGruber
"- Yeah, I got it."
MacGruber
"- Oh, he was such a giving partner."
MacGruber
"He never wanted me to have to do any of the work."
MacGruber
"Sometimes he would even tell me"
MacGruber
"to not talk so he could picture something."
MacGruber
"- Nice."
MacGruber
"- Probably just the two of us on a hike or swimming at the Y."
MacGruber
"We would build to this crescendo,"
MacGruber
"and he would generously finish for the both of us."
MacGruber
"And then use the restroom."
MacGruber
"- Okay."
MacGruber
"- Be in there for a while."
MacGruber
"Then he would come, and in his best"
MacGruber
"Jim Carry voice he would say, "Do not go in there.""
MacGruber
"- Cool. - He would shake my hand,"
MacGruber
"ask me to leave, and then hug me with one arm."
MacGruber
"It was pure bliss."
MacGruber
"- Yeah, it sounds--yeah."
MacGruber
"- * The book of love will open up *"
MacGruber
"- Whoo! Come on, Piper. Let's go."
MacGruber
"Let's celebrate."
MacGruber
"- Vicki, you don't have to do this."
MacGruber
"- Don't have to what, Piper? Be happy?"
MacGruber
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