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Clips from Veep - Mommy Meyer (S04E04)

"Please don't make me go to work today."
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"I'll fake my own death."
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"You don't have the cheekbones for depression."
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"- What's the matter? - The workload, the spotlight."
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"- Mm-hmm. - Getting hammered on the Families First Bill."
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"People hate that thing."
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"Yeah, it's falling apart like a punched wedding cake."
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"And the president wants me to start getting"
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"the media calling it the Meyer Bill,"
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"but they've decided to call it the Mommy Meyer Bill."
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"- My job is impossible. - Mm-hmm."
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"Take this fork, stab me right here in the carotid."
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"You are the most influential Mike person in the world."
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"The president won her first debate thanks to you."
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"Guess what. There's two more."
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"And the next one's foreign policy."
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"That's basically a quiz on the entire world."
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"- How do I prep for that? - Listen to me."
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"You're gonna shake it off, all right?"
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"Stiff upper lip. Put on a happy face."
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"Gonna have the best day of your life."
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"Thank you for the pep talk."
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"I'll see you... oh, shit. Happy birthday."
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"I'm sorry I didn't have time to get you anything."
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"Gonna try after work."
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"Love you."
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"I live on a regular street in real America"
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"with real trees and real cars."
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"- Oh, wait for it. - We do have real cars on my street."
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"I'm not sure what a fake car would be exactly."
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"Oh, bam!"
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"I should be president or something."
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"If he doesn't drink in the morning, he will now."
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"Oh, God, you know what I should have brought up?"
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"That rumor about O'Brien's daughter"
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"blowing all those hockey players in college."
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"That would have been a mistake."
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"Huge mistake. It was lacrosse players."
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"Ma'am, your dinner guests are confirmed for tonight."
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"- Oh. - Your relaxing evening is locked in."
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"Goodie. I cannot wait."
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"I'm getting the old gang back together."
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"Back in the '90s, us ladies totally owned Annapolis."
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"- We really did. - Gang?"
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"Did you all have tattoos?"
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"No, it's just a bunch of lawyers from my old firm, you know."
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"How did you get into this gang?"
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"Did you have to kill a guy?"
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"You could pardon yourself now."
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"You know, actually, as women, we really did get it done."
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"Plus we had tits and ass."
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"So we had the whole thing going for us, really."
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"There's been a shooting in Pittsburgh."
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"Four dead including the gunman."
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"Well, that's fucking not good."
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"We pray for the families."
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"Yeah, and that they don't demand more gun control."
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"It says here the gunman was an ex-Marine."
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"Two sides of the coin. It's very sad."
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"Hey, Sue, get Mike to draft a statement."
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"He's got a thoughts and prayers template."
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"- Right away, ma'am. - Oh."
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"Should we keep watching me?"
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"- Yeah? - Sure, sure."
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"See, when I left the White House,"
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"I never thought I'd be lobbying for concrete."
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"- Great, isn't it? - Mmm."
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"Oh, by the way, I set us up"
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"with two brunches and a lunch for tomorrow."
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"Oh, God, I already have two breakfast meetings tomorrow."
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"If I keep going at this rate, I'm gonna have gout of the mouth."
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"Uh, ladies, you are going to be our sale bait."
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"Um, by sale bait, you mean...?"
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"Independent, well-educated young women like you"
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"who also happen to be very hot to lure congressmen into the room"
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"in a way that is deeply feminist."
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"We then introduce our client, who makes a sale"
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"in a way that's deeply capitalist."
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"I'm not expected to do anything with anyone, am I?"
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"This is lobbying. This is a respectable profession."
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"Do me a favor. Go see Linda over there."
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"She has some slightly tighter blouses that you can choose from."
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"So, you two ready to go hard for concrete?"
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"Yeah. Hey, why are there so many security and military people"
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"on the list at this concrete event?"
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"Are we at war with clay?"
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"Amy, what does the military buy a lot of?"
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"Oh, I know this. It's candy."
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"Cute. It's concrete, okay?"
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"So we bring the military guys along,"
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"they talk Congress into stumping up money"
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"for a Mexican border wall made of concrete. Circle of life."
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"Serving several of our clients' agendas all at once."
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"- God, I love this. - Yeah, I know. Me, too."
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"It's so slutty, isn't it?"
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"This place is like a porn shoot with bunting."
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"God, kill me now."
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"Good morning. Good morning."
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"- Morning! - Okay, let's get this party started."
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"The Mommy Meyer Bill. Is it doomed?"
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"First off, it's not the Mommy Meyer Bill."
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"It is the Families First... No, it's the Meyer Bill."
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"And it's about as doomed as my donut habit."
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"Shall we talk about Families First, please?"
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"- Yeah. - I'm afraid it's getting crucified on the Hill."
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"- Just like that Jesus guy. - Well, it's my big bill."
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"You think I'm just gonna say it doesn't fit and put it up on craigslist or something?"
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"O'Brien just said, If Families First is passed,"
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"the whole concept of family will come to an end."
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"Well, that's the dream, certainly,"
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"but I'm not sure we'll achieve it in this generation."
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"I don't care if O'Brien hates it."
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"It's for the people and they love it."
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"- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except no. - I'm sorry?"
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"I hate to be the I'm-in-touch-with- the-normal-guy guy,"
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"but I am that guy, and they want to pay"
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"for their families and not other people's."
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"That's not helpful to..."
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"- What? What's going on? Holy shit. - Back away from the president."
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"Ma'am, there's an intruder. We need you to remain here."
Veep
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