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Clips from Derry Girls - Episode #1.2 (S01E01)

"I say we need five, to be safe. Do you not think, Da?"
Derry Girls
"Stick down five."
Derry Girls
"- Five bags of chips, then! - I'll have a chicken fillet burger."
Derry Girls
"No lettuce, no tomato, no cheese."
Derry Girls
"- I'll just write "plain," will I? - No onions, no cucumber."
Derry Girls
"- One plain... - No relish, no pickles, no mayonnaise."
Derry Girls
"- No chicken. - What do you mean, no chicken?"
Derry Girls
"Get that."
Derry Girls
"It's a chicken burger, of course I want chicken!"
Derry Girls
"- What are you, a simpleton? - Hello?"
Derry Girls
"No chicken."
Derry Girls
"It's Uncle Colm."
Derry Girls
"Well, I'm not taking it. I've been stung once already this week,"
Derry Girls
"and I'm 45 minutes talking about his new shoelaces."
Derry Girls
"I've stopped answering my phone altogether for fear it's him, Mary."
Derry Girls
"- Will you take it, Da? - No chance, love."
Derry Girls
"I mean, I know I shouldn't say this about my own brother, but by Christ"
Derry Girls
"- he's a boring bastard. - Is somebody going to take it or not?"
Derry Girls
"- Don't be cheeky. - Less of the cheek, you."
Derry Girls
"How's it going, Colm?"
Derry Girls
"Would you ever think of going cordless?"
Derry Girls
"Aye, it was freezing cold earlier, that's true."
Derry Girls
"Gemma Sharkey went cordless and she's like a new woman now, Gerry."
Derry Girls
"- No, it's not as cold now. - She can make a call from her living room,"
Derry Girls
"from her kitchen, from her bedroom..."
Derry Girls
"Right, look, Colm, I don't have long. We're sending to the chippy here."
Derry Girls
"And the other night, right, and this is no word of a lie, she rang me from the bath."
Derry Girls
"These cordless phones are the future."
Derry Girls
"- What? Oh, my God! - What's up?"
Derry Girls
"Our Colm's in the police station."
Derry Girls
"Last night, two gunmen forced their way into his house,"
Derry Girls
"tied him up, stole his van."
Derry Girls
"Dirty bastards."
Derry Girls
"Oh, God, love you, you poor critter."
Derry Girls
"You're to come straight round here, hear me?"
Derry Girls
"Oh, of course. Of course."
Derry Girls
"Is he all right?"
Derry Girls
"He is traumatized, Gerry."
Derry Girls
"He'll take a steak and kidney pie."
Derry Girls
"Do you think five bags will be enough?"
Derry Girls
"♪ Ah, push it ♪"
Derry Girls
"Seven bags of chips,"
Derry Girls
"12 chicken nuggets, one small battered hot dog,"
Derry Girls
"- one plain chicken burger... - Give me that. Me."
Derry Girls
"Thank you, Fionnula."
Derry Girls
"- All right? Any joy with the trust fund? - Nah."
Derry Girls
"According to my ma, we're actually quite poor."
Derry Girls
"Aye, I think we might be as well."
Derry Girls
"- What's yours? - Uh..."
Derry Girls
"Can I p-please get one... one fish supper and one cowboy special,"
Derry Girls
"- please, Fionnula, thank you, please? - It'll be ready when it's ready."
Derry Girls
"Well, Jenny Joyce was talking through her fat hole about this trust fund thing."
Derry Girls
"- What's yours? - Don't rush me, Fionnula."
Derry Girls
"Where the fuck are we going to get the money for Paris now?"
Derry Girls
"We could sell our organs."
Derry Girls
"We could. We could sell our organs."
Derry Girls
"Or, and forgive me if this is a bit left field,"
Derry Girls
"but could we not, you know, get jobs?"
Derry Girls
"There are no jobs in Derry."
Derry Girls
"- That's all you hear anybody say. - So what are these?"
Derry Girls
"I never really looked at this before. I assumed they were all dead cat posters."
Derry Girls
"- Missing cat posters. - If you're an optimist."
Derry Girls
"I'm not sure if I'd be suited to any of these. They're all very practical,"
Derry Girls
"and I'm just more... creative."
Derry Girls
"You're more of a slabber."
Derry Girls
"Fuck's sake."
Derry Girls
"I think other people are onto this thing, girls."
Derry Girls
"- Oi! I'll not ask you again. - A large cowboy, Fionnula."
Derry Girls
"- And don't be shy with the salt now. - What about the wee limey?"
Derry Girls
"Well, dicko?"
Derry Girls
"I'm okay, thanks."
Derry Girls
"- What? - I don't really want anything."
Derry Girls
"You don't want anything?"
Derry Girls
"How could you not want anything? It's lovely."
Derry Girls
"- I don't really fancy it, that's all. - I don't understand."
Derry Girls
"- Are you not feeling well, James? - I don't like it, okay?"
Derry Girls
"It's too greasy! It's much, much too greasy!"
Derry Girls
"Even the smell of it makes me feel physically sick."
Derry Girls
"I'm sorry that you had to hear that, Fionnula."
Derry Girls
"You're a fucking embarrassment."
Derry Girls
"Get him out of here."
Derry Girls
"You heard the woman."
Derry Girls
"♪ Ah, push it ♪"
Derry Girls
"♪ Push it real good ♪"
Derry Girls
"There was a knock at the door."
Derry Girls
"This must have been..."
Derry Girls
"ah, we're talking eight, half-eight,"
Derry Girls
"for I was halfway through me dinner."
Derry Girls
"And up I got to open it."
Derry Girls
"And there they both were, large as life."
Derry Girls
"And the taller fella..."
Derry Girls
"though, to be fair, there was no more than an inch in it."
Derry Girls
"Jesus wept."
Derry Girls
"The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he,"
Derry Girls
"- "Do you know who we are?" - How's a body supposed to enjoy dinner?"
Derry Girls
"And I says to him, says I, "Well, I can't be sure now,"
Derry Girls
"but maybe if you took off the balaclavas.""
Derry Girls
"And then he says to me, the slightly taller fella does,"
Derry Girls
"he says, "Step aside. We're armed.""
Derry Girls
"Crass."
Derry Girls
"And that's when the smaller fella,"
Derry Girls
"although, as I say, we're talking an inch..."
Derry Girls
"- Mammy, make it stop. - ...inch and a half at most."
Derry Girls
"- I need a drink. - He has the bright idea"
Derry Girls
"of tying me to the radiator, you see."
Derry Girls
"And I remember saying to myself, says I,"
Derry Girls
""Colm, it's a good job you have the economy seven on the old timer,"
Derry Girls
"or you'd be roasted here.""
Derry Girls
"Did you go for the economy seven in the end, Colm?"
Derry Girls
"I thought you says the hot water settings were a minefield."
Derry Girls
"For the love of God, Sarah, no diversions, please."
Derry Girls
"Aye, come on, let's pack it up. They tied you to the heater."
Derry Girls
"They did indeed."
Derry Girls
"And there I am, shackled to the thermostatic valve"
Derry Girls
"with me new shoelaces,"
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"when one of them, the smaller fella..."
Derry Girls
"- or, hang on, maybe it was the... - Doesn't matter, Colm."
Derry Girls
"Well, it was one of the two."
Derry Girls
"He's looking for the keys to the van,"
Derry Girls
"all ranting and raving and getting himself all worked up,"
Derry Girls
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