Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Return of the Shirt (S01E01)

"waited three years for me to get over you,"
How I Met Your Mother
"tracked me down, begged me to go out with you again,"
How I Met Your Mother
"only so you could dump me three weeks later,"
How I Met Your Mother
"again on my birthday!"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, it's not like that. I'm just..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's... - What?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm just, like, super busy right now."
How I Met Your Mother
"Remember when Natalie said..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour."
How I Met Your Mother
"Turns out Krav Maga is not a kind of yoga,"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's a form of guerrilla street-fighting developed by the Israeli army,"
How I Met Your Mother
"This is compliments of those two gentlemen at the bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"This is compliments of those two gentlemen at the bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"- "My knee!" - "It's in my hair!""
How I Met Your Mother
"But isn't it nice to know people are watching?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, my God! Are you all right? - What happened to you?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Told the truth."
How I Met Your Mother
"Turns out the truth has a mean roundhouse kick."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, man."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, well, you did the right thing. I'm proud of you."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm bleeding internally."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Other people's misfortune. You missed something so amazing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, can we just have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Fine."
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you okay?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I really thought I was doing it the good way this time."
How I Met Your Mother
"I guess there is no good way."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to do the right thing,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you just end up flat on your back, flailing around in a big pile of horse crap."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You saw it? - My phone gets the Internet now."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that's how it ended with Natalie,"
How I Met Your Mother
"No happily-ever-after, Just a whole lot of hurt,"
How I Met Your Mother
"And, just like that, all those wonderful memories were replaced"
How I Met Your Mother
"by this one,"
How I Met Your Mother
"But, you know, bad as that night was, within a year Natalie was married,"
How I Met Your Mother
"And now she has three beautiful children,"
How I Met Your Mother
"So that's the upside of hurt, Sometimes it happens for a reason,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wow."
How I Met Your Mother
"So you got beat up by a girl?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Is that all you're taking away from this story?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You got beat up by a girl."
How I Met Your Mother
"Kids, when you're single, all you're looking for is happily-ever-after,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but only one of your stories can end that way."
How I Met Your Mother
"The rest end with someone getting hurt. This is one of those stories."
How I Met Your Mother
"- And it starts with a shirt. - A shirt?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Just listen."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because none of this would have happened"
How I Met Your Mother
"if it hadn't have been for that shirt,"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Nice shirt. - Right? Right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Look at those colors. Green and brown, together at last."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hot top, bro. Is it new? - That's the crazy part."
How I Met Your Mother
"I've had this shirt for, like, six years. Until this morning, I wasn't into it at all,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but now it's like my tastes have changed."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Booger. - Yes, hello, Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney's offered me 50 bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not some stupid word. "Booger.""
How I Met Your Mother
"- But I'm not doing it. I am a journalist. - What? Journalist?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news."
How I Met Your Mother
"Old people, babies, monkeys. That's not journalism."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's just things in a diaper."
How I Met Your Mother
"For your information, my boss is about to bump me up"
How I Met Your Mother
"- to the City Hall beat. - City Hall. Miss Thing!"
How I Met Your Mother
"So I'm not gonna jeopardize my promotion by saying "booger" for 50 bucks."
How I Met Your Mother
"Of course not."
How I Met Your Mother
"'Cause now you're saying "nipple" and it's $100."
How I Met Your Mother
"Step into my web."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whose bourbon is this?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't know. It was here when we sat down."
How I Met Your Mother
"The point is, I seem to like bourbon now."
How I Met Your Mother
"I could have sworn I hated bourbon."
How I Met Your Mother
"First the shirt, now bourbon."
How I Met Your Mother
"I spent 27 years making up my mind about things, right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The movie I saw once and hated,"
How I Met Your Mother
"the city I'll never go back to 'cause it was raining the day I visited."
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're finally gonna watch Goonies again."
How I Met Your Mother
""Sloth love Chunk.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Not Goonies, Girls."
How I Met Your Mother
"What if there's someone from my past"
How I Met Your Mother
"who I thought was wrong for me at the time,"
How I Met Your Mother
"when, in fact, she, like this shirt, is actually a perfect fit?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hold up. There are only two reasons to ever date a girl you've already dated."
How I Met Your Mother
"Breast implants."
How I Met Your Mother
"This isn't a bad idea."
How I Met Your Mother
"Let's think. Ted's greatest hits."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What about that girl, Steph? - Steph."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, this is difficult to say."
How I Met Your Mother
"Back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke,"
How I Met Your Mother
"so I spent a month making adult films."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wow! Okay. How many did you make?"
How I Met Your Mother
"175."
How I Met Your Mother
"Say what you will about the porn industry, they're hard workers."
How I Met Your Mother
"What about that chick, Jackie?"
How I Met Your Mother
"...and my bathing suit had fallen completely off."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know the feeling. Once, when I was 16,"
How I Met Your Mother
"I was driving and I hit this hitchhiker."
How I Met Your Mother
"Don't know what happened to him. Just kept driving."
How I Met Your Mother
"No."
How I Met Your Mother
"What about Natalie?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Natalie! - Natalie!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Who's Natalie?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Natalie, I had so many fond memories of her,"
How I Met Your Mother
"The tea candles on her dresser,"
How I Met Your Mother
"The sock monkey collection on her bed,"
How I Met Your Mother
"That one Belle and Sebastian song she always listened to,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Her smile,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Man, I haven't seen her in, like, three years."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, why did you guys break up?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time."
How I Met Your Mother
"Course, now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad."
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe I should call her. What do you guys think?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You dumped a porn star?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Friendship over."
How I Met Your Mother
"Friendship over!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Come in. All right, get back to me then."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams? - Yes, I did."
How I Met Your Mother
"I need you to cover a story. It's down at City Hall."
How I Met Your Mother
"City Hall? Oh, my God."
How I Met Your Mother
Show more clips