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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Return of the Shirt (S01E01)

"I don't get it, man. Natalie's awesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know. She's terrific, but I have to break up with her."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why couldn't you leave that poor girl alone?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I know. I hate this."
How I Met Your Mother
"These past three weeks have been great. I should be in love with her,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but I'm not feeling that thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's ineffable."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ineffable. Good word."
How I Met Your Mother
"So when are you gonna do it?"
How I Met Your Mother
"She's probably on the subway by now. You could call her voicemail."
How I Met Your Mother
"Beep. Dumped. Click. Done."
How I Met Your Mother
"I have to do this face-to-face. I just... I don't know what I'm gonna say."
How I Met Your Mother
"- "I'm not ready for a commitment." - Oh, that's such a clichÈ."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's not a clichÈ. It's a classic."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's the Stairway to Heaven of break-up lines."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Well, I think Natalie deserves better. - Better."
How I Met Your Mother
"There's no "better" in breaking up. There's only less awful."
How I Met Your Mother
"A clichÈ is a clichÈ for a reason. It's comforting."
How I Met Your Mother
"It doesn't matter. I already told her I am ready for a commitment so..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God, there's no way out. I'm gonna have to marry her."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, no. We're gonna get you out of this. Okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"How about, "It's not you. It's me"?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Six words."
How I Met Your Mother
""You look fat in those jeans." You're free to go."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, have you considered telling her the truth?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Seriously, honey, men are working here."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, what is the truth? Why do you wanna break up with her?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The truth? She's not the one."
How I Met Your Mother
"- So tell her that. - Oh, you can't tell her that. That's horrible."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why? What is so horrible about that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, what is so horrible about that? She's not the one."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The chances of one person being another person's "the one""
How I Met Your Mother
"are, like, six billion-to-one."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery."
How I Met Your Mother
"Exactly. You wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, man, tell her the truth. She's gonna cry."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, and he's gonna sit there, and he's gonna take it like a man."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I have to do the mature thing. - Wanna talk mature?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs."
How I Met Your Mother
"And great TV was had by all."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, Scherbatsky, new challenge."
How I Met Your Mother
"And this one's big, but so is the cash reward."
How I Met Your Mother
"For $1,000... You heard me."
How I Met Your Mother
"All you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What the hell is that? - The Ickey Shuffle."
How I Met Your Mother
"Then, as you do it, you say this,"
How I Met Your Mother
""Elbert 'Ickey' Woods, the Bengals were fools to cut you in '91."
How I Met Your Mother
""Your 1,525 rushing yards"
How I Met Your Mother
""and your 27 touchdowns will not be forgotten."
How I Met Your Mother
""So, Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Just write it down for me."
How I Met Your Mother
"What do I care? It's not like anyone's watching anyway, right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"And she's gonna cry."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sloth love Chunk."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thanks, Lil."
How I Met Your Mother
"So the next night, I took Natalie out to dinner"
How I Met Your Mother
"to do the mature thing,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, wait, wait. There's something I have to say first."
How I Met Your Mother
"Today at work I had not one, not two, but three birthday cakes."
How I Met Your Mother
"So, tonight, can we just skip the cake?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Today is your birthday? - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, it's okay. I wasn't telling anyone about it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Today is your birthday!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- I didn't get you anything. - Oh, it's okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know, you've already given me the best present of all."
How I Met Your Mother
"I can trust again."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're welcome."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, so much more wine."
How I Met Your Mother
"Henry, as New York's oldest hansom-cab driver,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you've seen quite a lot."
How I Met Your Mother
"In your past 60 years on the job, what is your most exciting memory?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Well..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- This is it. - Oh, boy, here we go."
How I Met Your Mother
"Everyone, everyone, if I may direct your attention to the television."
How I Met Your Mother
"You are about to see something amazing."
How I Met Your Mother
"And then in '72,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Mickey Mantle rode in my cab for the fourth time,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Come on, baby, bring it home."
How I Met Your Mother
"But the most exciting moment,"
How I Met Your Mother
"that would have to be this one, right now,"
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? - Look at me, I'm on TV,"
How I Met Your Mother
"I never thought I'd have my story told,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Thank you, Miss Robin Scherbatsky,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Thank you,"
How I Met Your Mother
"And, right then, Aunt Robin realized how important her job truly was,"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's an honor to tell your story, Henry,"
How I Met Your Mother
"You know, Metro News 1 may not be number one in viewership,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but this reporter takes pride in..."
How I Met Your Mother
"ROBIN; Oh, my God, I'm covered in horse crap!"
How I Met Your Mother
"And it's in my hair!"
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"- You planned that? - My knee!"
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"No, Marshall. That was beyond my wildest dreams."
How I Met Your Mother
"So if you ever come to Alabama,"
How I Met Your Mother
"my mom throws these huge crawfish boils,"
How I Met Your Mother
"and she's just dying to meet you, by the way."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say,"
How I Met Your Mother
"and there's no good way to say it."
How I Met Your Mother
"I wanna break up."
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"I don't think you're the one for me."
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't wanna waste your time, because I really like you."
How I Met Your Mother
"I wanna do right by you, and I think the best way for me to do that"
How I Met Your Mother
"is just to be honest. I'm sorry."
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"Just let it out."
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"They're only tears."
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"I'm not the one for you!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry. I just... I thought the mature thing to do would be..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's my birthday. - Yes, I know. I didn't realize that it was..."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's my birthday, and you're telling me I'm not the one for you?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's really not such a big deal. I mean, it's the odds."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's like you lost the lottery."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, so dating you is like winning the lottery?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- No, no, no. I didn't mean that. - Okay, so what's the problem?"
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"- I can't explain it. - Try."
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"- It's ineffable. - I'm not F-able?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, no, no, no, ineffable. "Ineffable" means it can't be explained."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, so I'm stupid? - Oh, God, what's going on?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, what's going on is you broke my heart"
How I Met Your Mother
"over my answering machine, on my birthday,"
How I Met Your Mother
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