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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Return of the Shirt (S01E01)

"So next time you're passing City Hall,"
How I Met Your Mother
"make sure and stop by New York's oldest hot dog cart."
How I Met Your Mother
"Today, a delicious hot dog will cost you $2.50,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but back when the stand first opened in 1955,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you could get one for only a nipple."
How I Met Your Mother
"Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News 1."
How I Met Your Mother
"I said "nipple" on the news. That was so unprofessional."
How I Met Your Mother
"I said "nipple" on the news."
How I Met Your Mother
"At least it's better than "booger.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Booger."
How I Met Your Mother
"There she is."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, is it cold in here? 'Cause I can kind of see Robin's nickels."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now, for your next challenge."
How I Met Your Mother
"There is not going to be another challenge. I don't care how much you offer me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, search your soul, Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"You and I both know this wasn't about the money."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sure, Metro News 1 pays you jack."
How I Met Your Mother
"And, hey, a little green salad on the side is good for you, me, and Mr. McGee."
How I Met Your Mother
"Seriously, who talks like that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"What baby really likes is the thrill of pulling one over"
How I Met Your Mother
"on those bean counters who under-appreciate you"
How I Met Your Mother
"and still haven't promoted you."
How I Met Your Mother
"And, so, for two more hundy-sticks, baby's gonna look in the camera"
How I Met Your Mother
"and say this."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm just assuming."
How I Met Your Mother
"I gotta get back to work."
How I Met Your Mother
"- See you. - Bye."
How I Met Your Mother
"Baby's gonna think about it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Found it. I found Natalie's number."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, Ted, nice shirt. Is it yesterday already?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Thank you."
How I Met Your Mother
"I am calling her. This is crazy. I haven't talked to her in, like, three years."
How I Met Your Mother
"I wonder if she even remembers me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hello? - Natalie."
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"- It's Ted Mosby. - Go to hell!"
How I Met Your Mother
"She remembers me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Why would Natalie hang up on you? - I don't know."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Did you sleep with her sister? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Did you sleep with her mom? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm losing interest in your story."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, you must have done something. Why did you guys break up?"
How I Met Your Mother
"He wasn't ready for a commitment."
How I Met Your Mother
"And her birthday might have been coming up."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, so I didn't want to get a boyfriend-level gift"
How I Met Your Mother
"for a girl I was just about to break up with."
How I Met Your Mother
"So you dumped her right before her birthday?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No! I didn't dump her right before her birthday."
How I Met Your Mother
"Natalie! Hey, happy birthday!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Listen..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Never break up with a girl on her birthday!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Lily, please! The shirt! I know! It was a mistake."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Well, did she cry her eyes out? - I don't know."
How I Met Your Mother
"How do you not..."
How I Met Your Mother
"You didn't."
How I Met Your Mother
"Natalie! Hey, happy birthday!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Listen,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you're awesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"You really are awesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm just, like, super busy right now,"
How I Met Your Mother
"so maybe we should just call it a day."
How I Met Your Mother
"But you're awesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"- On her answering machine! - Okay."
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"- And on her birthday! - Lily, come on."
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"Who breaks up with somebody on their answering machine"
How I Met Your Mother
"- on their birthday? - Yeah, dude, e-mail."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not exactly the point I was trying to make, Marshall."
How I Met Your Mother
"That is a terrible way to break up with someone."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, in my client's defense,"
How I Met Your Mother
"is there an un-terrible way to break up with somebody? No."
How I Met Your Mother
"Personally, I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine"
How I Met Your Mother
"than face the humiliation in person. It's the least painful way you can do it."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Who are you calling? - Hi, Marshall, it's Lily."
How I Met Your Mother
"We're not gonna have sex for at least a month,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but you're awesome. Okay, bye-bye."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, that was a big mistake, Ted. You should have done it in person."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thank you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Desperate, please-don't-leave-me sex is amazing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, it was childish and stupid. I just... I didn't want to see her cry."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, guess what? She cried."
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"You just didn't have the sack to face those tears."
How I Met Your Mother
"That was me then, okay?"
How I Met Your Mother
"This is the new, old-shirt-wearing, sack-having Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I'm gonna make this right. - You know what else?"
How I Met Your Mother
""My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn 30" sex."
How I Met Your Mother
"Fantastic!"
How I Met Your Mother
"An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic"
How I Met Your Mother
"when Ethel and Sadie Margolis, New York's oldest twins,"
How I Met Your Mother
"suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their 100th birthday."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm a dirty, dirty girl."
How I Met Your Mother
"Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News 1."
How I Met Your Mother
"Joel Adams wants to see you in his office."
How I Met Your Mother
"Before you say anything, I just wanna say I really like working here at Metro News 1."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's great. So my dog keeps going..."
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"What?"
How I Met Your Mother
"What? Well, you have dogs, right? What do you think that means?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Take him to the vet."
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"Genius. That's one I owe you."
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"- Was that all? - Yeah."
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"- And nothing about the twins story? - Oh, yeah. Great job on that one."
How I Met Your Mother
"New York loves you. You're a superstar. Bye-bye."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's when Robin realized"
How I Met Your Mother
"no one, not even her boss, watched Metro News 1,"
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"Hi."
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"Natalie, come on. I just wanna say I'm sorry."
How I Met Your Mother
"I only came down here 'cause you wouldn't take my call."
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"Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you leave a message?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Good one. Okay, fine."
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"I'm just gonna leave this sock monkey here."
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"Goodbye."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, okay. Look, look, look, I know you're mad, but"
How I Met Your Mother
"happy birthday, three years ago."
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"Oh, yeah? Up yours, three years ago."
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"Look, look, I was an idiot, leaving that message."
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"- I realize how much that sucked. - No, you don't."
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"Maybe we should just call it a day,"
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"But you're awesome,"
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"Okay, bye,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Surprise."
How I Met Your Mother
"There was a surprise party that night? How come nobody told me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"People think I can't keep a secret, but I totally can."
How I Met Your Mother
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