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Clips from The Mighty Boosh - Charlie (S01E01)

"and hand me pens as and when I need them."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Like a caddy? - Like a little writer's caddy."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You'd like that, wouldn't you? - No."
The Mighty Boosh
"You could follow at a discreet distance and if I have an idea,"
The Mighty Boosh
"you could whip out a Biro for me."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I'm not doing that. - Carry a little pencil case on wheels."
The Mighty Boosh
"Just behind me. Wear a little chequered suit, a funny little hat."
The Mighty Boosh
"l don't wear chequered suits."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I thought you liked dressing up. - Yeah. ln ponchos."
The Mighty Boosh
"- The offer's there if you want it. - Thanks a lot."
The Mighty Boosh
"I'm going to lunch now. Naboo's done a chilli. Are you coming?"
The Mighty Boosh
"No, no, I've gotta do some reading."
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah? You mean you're going to stay here and spy on Gideon."
The Mighty Boosh
"No. I've just got to do some research for my novel."
The Mighty Boosh
"You should be careful. She's already put in a complaint."
The Mighty Boosh
"See you later, Speedy Gonzales."
The Mighty Boosh
"- What are you doing? - Just reading."
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah? Well, I got a problem with the black and white people."
The Mighty Boosh
"Who?"
The Mighty Boosh
"You know. The black-eyed Chinese people that eat sticks."
The Mighty Boosh
"- The pandas. - 'Oh. I'm Howard Moon."
The Mighty Boosh
"'l know how to read. I know all the animals' names at the zoo.'"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Yeah, the pandas. - What's the problem?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Well, apparently, and this is on the QT,"
The Mighty Boosh
"Bainbridge told me that when the man panda kisses the lady panda,"
The Mighty Boosh
"they invent new baby pandas"
The Mighty Boosh
"and everybody comes from all over and gives us money."
The Mighty Boosh
"- That's known as breeding. - Yeah, I know. Hump time."
The Mighty Boosh
"It's difficult to get pandas to breed in captivity. I thought you'd know that."
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah but I got a plan, Dingus."
The Mighty Boosh
"You see, the man panda won't kiss the lady panda, right?"
The Mighty Boosh
"So I want you to dress up as the man panda,"
The Mighty Boosh
"start coming on to the lady, you know, la-da-da-da-da."
The Mighty Boosh
"Make the man panda all jealous."
The Mighty Boosh
"He moves in. Boom."
The Mighty Boosh
"Babies all over the place."
The Mighty Boosh
"That is possibly the most obscene, disgusting,"
The Mighty Boosh
"humiliating and potentially dangerous thing I've ever heard you say."
The Mighty Boosh
"Thanks, dude."
The Mighty Boosh
"No man should ever, ever be made to dress as a panda."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Why am I doing this exactly? - Because you've got a way with animals."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I look ridiculous. - You look great."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I don't look like a panda. - Pandas are very short-sighted."
The Mighty Boosh
"- That's the beauty of my scheme. - What am I gonna do?"
The Mighty Boosh
"What you do is get in the panda lodge with Chi-Chi, dance about erotically,"
The Mighty Boosh
"make Frou-Frou jealous, bang."
The Mighty Boosh
"- When Frou-Frou's jealous? - Knock on the door, I'll let you out."
The Mighty Boosh
"- What are you gonna be doing? - I'll be here."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Spying on Gideon? - No, having my lunch."
The Mighty Boosh
"Come on. There you go."
The Mighty Boosh
"(Muffled)"
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard! Oh!"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Oh, hi there, Mrs Gideon. - Who are you?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard Moon. I work here at the zoo."
The Mighty Boosh
"Why have you got crumbs round your eyes?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh, er...that's just me and Vince, been playing games."
The Mighty Boosh
"Crumb eye. We have to get crumbs in each others' eyes"
The Mighty Boosh
"and, erm...the winner gets a rake."
The Mighty Boosh
"- That's a good book. I like that book. - Have you read it?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh, yeah. Twice I've read it. Once in the original and then the paperback."
The Mighty Boosh
"Really related to the character of Jonathan. I thought he was great."
The Mighty Boosh
"The serial killer?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah. I mean, in as much as, you know, we can all relate to a killer in our minds."
The Mighty Boosh
"We've all killed in our minds."
The Mighty Boosh
"What are you talking about?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Well, as a writer, it's something that I have to do."
The Mighty Boosh
"l have to get involved in the darker side of the human psyche."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You're a writer? - Oh, yeah, yeah, big time."
The Mighty Boosh
"Big time. Love to write."
The Mighty Boosh
"It's like a compulsion for me."
The Mighty Boosh
"The written word is like a drug. If you cut me, I bleed ink."
The Mighty Boosh
"l wrote that. It's just one of the things I've written."
The Mighty Boosh
"Are you a friend of Vince's?"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Yeah. - He is very nice boy."
The Mighty Boosh
"(Chuckles)"
The Mighty Boosh
"- What's going on here? - I'm just making him jealous."
The Mighty Boosh
"All right. He's jealous now. Come on."
The Mighty Boosh
"No way. She's not interested in him. He's a brute."
The Mighty Boosh
"He doesn't understand her needs. There's no way they're getting it on."
The Mighty Boosh
"He's jealous now. He's all charged up."
The Mighty Boosh
"Time to let him in, let nature take its course."
The Mighty Boosh
"No way. I'm not letting him come in and steal all the glory."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I put all the groundwork in. - You've gone wrong. Come on."
The Mighty Boosh
"Get off me. We've got a chemistry."
The Mighty Boosh
"What are you looking at? I'll ring you in the week."
The Mighty Boosh
"Sorry."
The Mighty Boosh
"(Typewriter taps)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind whistles)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind stops)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Chuckles) Oh, dear."
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind whistles)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Whistling intensifies)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind stops)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind whistles)"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind stops)"
The Mighty Boosh
"- (Wind whistles) - Do you mind?"
The Mighty Boosh
"(Wind whistles)"
The Mighty Boosh
"I was pretty good, though, wasn't l? Sounded exactly like the wind."
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah, blowing a gale through my mind."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I can do other elements. - Can you really? Can you do fog?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard? Howard."
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard."
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard. Howard!"
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard. Howard. Howard!"
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard! Howard? Howard! Howard!"
The Mighty Boosh
"- This better be good. - You know the black bits in bananas."
The Mighty Boosh
"Are they tarantulas' eggs?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Please don't speak to me ever again in your life."
The Mighty Boosh
"What's your novel about?"
The Mighty Boosh
"It's about a genius who can get nothing done because a monkey's annoying him."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You've made a classic error. - Have l?"
The Mighty Boosh
"What you've done is focus in on the wrong character."
The Mighty Boosh
"Now, the monkey, I'm loving him but the other guy, I'm getting nothing off him."
The Mighty Boosh
"He sounds like a dick."
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah? Well, Mrs Gideon didn't think he did."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Mrs Gideon? - Yeah."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I knew this was what this was about. - What?"
The Mighty Boosh
"You're so transparent. You're only doing this cos she likes writers."
The Mighty Boosh
"- No. I've always been a writer. - Have you?"
The Mighty Boosh
"She's interested in me because I'm an intellectual."
The Mighty Boosh
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