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Clips from Betas - Kid Charlemagne (S01E01)

"All right, let's do this."
Betas
"Watch all episodes of Betas,"
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"exclusively on Amazon Prime Instant Video."
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"- This is so great. - Perfect."
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"♪"
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"(sighs)"
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"
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"- I thought you measured. - I eyeballed it."
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"Then you need glasses."
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"This is a John Holmes-Kristi Yamaguchi type situation, bro."
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"What if we took off the door and removed the hinges?"
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"You, sir, are a fucking visionary. (chuckles)"
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"Place is a shit hole, though, right?"
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"Guess The Murch isn't forking over the big bucks yet."
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"No, this is a huge opportunity, man."
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"You know what companies have been through this accelerator?"
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"You can't wipe your ass with opportunity."
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"Cash, on the very hand-- very absorbent."
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"So stoked you're finally in the city, bro-bro."
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"You gotta come over."
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"Deshawn's got, like, a 60-inch plasma,"
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"plus we're like a block away"
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"from the best ice cream in San Fran."
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"I'm lactose intolerant."
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"HOBBES: Oh, fuck! Aah, sorry!"
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"They got hibiscus sorbet, gluten-free cones."
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"- Mitch, beer us. - Yep."
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"(man muttering unintelligibly)"
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"I like to sell my recipes all around the yard."
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"- (chuckles) - (man mutters)"
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"I question this neighborhood's gentrification status."
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"Oh, this hood is Ponyville."
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"When I lived in the Tenderloin,"
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"a crack-head set my landlord on fire."
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"Gentlemen, if I may..."
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"Tomorrow, shit gets real."
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"And when we win, when we crush this,"
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"it'll be because we came together"
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"to cram a giant couch through a tiny fuckin' doorway."
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"- To BRB. -BRB, whoo! - Mad inspirational!"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"This is great, this is so great."
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"Please stop."
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"- (laughs) - (grunts)"
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"Such a proud people."
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"♪ I'm a broken man, I'm damaged goods ♪"
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"♪ Lock me in the basement with furnace soot... ♪"
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"Guys, I hear The Murch makes every team that goes through"
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"the program do these, like, weekly talent shows."
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"- Is that true? - Stop scaring him."
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"(chuckles)"
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"Mitch, this isn't a fuckin' speakeasy. Where is it?"
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"Uh, email says, "Enter through the alley.""
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"Oh, boom! Murch's secret lair."
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"All right, let's do this."
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"That's nice."
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"Oh..."
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"Hey, now..."
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"Yeah, I could work here. (laughs)"
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"There are over 300 applicants"
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"for the four spots in this class."
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"So you've already proven you're special."
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"Velocity will give you the tools,"
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"the mentors and the access"
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"to put you on the fast track to success."
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"On Demo Day, you'll present your work"
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"to some of the most motivated investors in the Valley."
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"Translation? You've got three months to get your shit together"
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"and to change the world."
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"Okay, enough yapping."
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"I'll see you at the class mixer on Thursday."
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"And remember, intoxication is mandatory."
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"(applause and cheering)"
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"Hey, is that Jordan Alexis from ValleySmash?"
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"Ooh, I thought I felt my balls ascend into my abdomen."
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"Does anyone still read that rag?"
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"No, just everyone in the Valley."
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"She must be blogging about the new class."
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"We need to get a sit-down."
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"She's a Gremlin, T."
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"Do not feed her after midnight."
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"So, Jeff from Teq-we-la is in the conference room."
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"You know, he's got a really compelling business model."
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"- I actually think... - Crowd-funded tequila?"
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"Come on, the only thing compelling"
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"about Jeff is his jawline."
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"(text alert)"
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"Oh, wait, it's Rob. We keep missing each other."
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"Oh, Mr. "Sleepless in Chicago." How's that working out?"
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"- Long-distance is tough. - True."
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"Well, if it goes tits-up at least you're"
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"surrounded by all these potential rebounds."
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"- (laughs) - Jordan?"
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"Hi, I'm Trey Barrett, CEO of BRB."
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"Wow, that's a lot of letters. You must be someone important."
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"- Well... - Ha-ha!"
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"- Kidding! - Ah! Funny!"
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"I... I'd love to get together"
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"sometime, tell you what we're up to."
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"Not a good time, Trey. Uh, Jeff's waiting."
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"So, what, you don't think we're blog-worthy?"
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"Last I checked, BRB was a PowerPoint"
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"piggy-backing on an illegal hack of Facebook."
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"That's a bit reductive, don't you think?"
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"Until you have a beta, a user base, some monthly revenue,"
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"something real... I think publicity is beside the point."
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"Now is this you talking or The Murch?"
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"As far as you're concerned, we're one and the same."
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"- Hmm. - Huh."
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"SikJeans has a hundred thousand unique visitors a month,"
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"and Discountess is in talks with Google,"
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"- so we are so far behind. - You're missing the point."
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"The Murch hand-picked us."
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"We've got a direct line to the man upstairs."
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"Open your eyes, Mad Max."
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"The Murch just wants to sit around"
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"and watch us all tear each other to pieces."
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"This place is Thunderdome."
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"All we need to do is get the word out,"
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"you know, build some brand awareness."
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