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Clips from Veep - The Choice (S03E03)

"look who I found in a basket at our front door."
Veep
"Jonah, what are you doing here?"
Veep
"What's up, Mike? You gonna introduce me?"
Veep
"Uh, yeah. Walt, Randall, this is Sasquatch."
Veep
"The edible garbage is out back in the alley."
Veep
"What's up, y'all punk-ass bitches? I'm Jonah Ryan."
Veep
"Wow, bitches. All right, we're gonna have dinner soon."
Veep
"And then I taped The Great Escape for later."
Veep
"- Oh, 17? - 17."
Veep
"So wrap it up soon."
Veep
"So, you're probably bumming you can't be"
Veep
"out on that boat in Baltimore Harbor with the Veep, huh?"
Veep
"- Honeymoon. - Yeah."
Veep
"Hey, is she going to her campaign headquarters in Maryland after?"
Veep
"Yeah... but it's not a campaign office."
Veep
"It's a real estate acquisition."
Veep
"Oh, yeah. Of course, right."
Veep
"- Keep it quiet. - A PAC-quisition, huh?"
Veep
"Big man, up top. For the win."
Veep
"Hey, Mike, serious talk."
Veep
"The reason I'm here is because I'm opening up a consulting firm"
Veep
"- and I want you on board. - Consulting on what?"
Veep
"How to delete your Internet search history?"
Veep
"So, Jonah,"
Veep
"- heard you got canned. - Yeah."
Veep
"But you know what? It was for the best."
Veep
"I was telling Mike about it. It's gonna be called Ryantology."
Veep
"DC insider turns DC outlaw,"
Veep
"energizing democracy,"
Veep
"taking from the powerful and giving to the pitiful."
Veep
"- Know what I'm saying? - Why are you at our house, then?"
Veep
"Maybe he needs a start-up."
Veep
"Remember that random dude who used to hang out on our street"
Veep
"- asking Mom for money? - That was Mike."
Veep
"Very funny. Good one, guys."
Veep
"You know what, honey? I am gonna replace"
Veep
"your lemonade with an ice-cold beer."
Veep
"Grazie."
Veep
"You've got her well trained already, Mike."
Veep
"Your business model sucks. I'm out."
Veep
"Hey, Wendy, if you're grabbing beers, would you mind grabbing..."
Veep
"Okay, that's fine."
Veep
"Remain still, sir. Hands where we can see them."
Veep
"Wow. We need to get a photo of me"
Veep
"with him surrendering. Is that wrong to do that?"
Veep
"No, it's just a shame they couldn't arrest someone a little more photogenic."
Veep
"We can just pixelate him... the face."
Veep
"- That's fine. - I have no idea how to do that."
Veep
"Hey, I voted for you!"
Veep
"Thank you very much, sir,"
Veep
"but I'm afraid you have to go to prison!"
Veep
"Ma'am, we need to get back. POTUS has made a statement."
Veep
"What? What now?"
Veep
"Sir, can you explain this?"
Veep
"- Gary. - You gotta get a shot of this."
Veep
"- Ma'am... - Swords. He's got swords."
Veep
"Fuck the swords. POTUS just announced that he's now pro-life."
Veep
"- What? - Our POTUS? The POTUS?"
Veep
"Institute of Medical Ethics after-dinner speech..."
Veep
"20-week cutoff!"
Veep
"He's pro-choice! Now all of a sudden, he's pro-life?"
Veep
"They're already calling him PRO-TUS,"
Veep
"which is stupid because both sides have pro at the start."
Veep
"- Gary! - Yeah."
Veep
"- Go get Dan! - He's downstairs."
Veep
"Below deck, Amy. You gotta say, below deck."
Veep
"He says, Maybe it's time we give back"
Veep
"a little freedom to those who cannot choose."
Veep
"Okay, Amy, I do not mean to sound paranoid,"
Veep
"but he is trying to kill me."
Veep
"We need to turn this boat around."
Veep
"Right, exactly. We gotta figure out what I'm gonna say."
Veep
"Yeah, I just gotta..."
Veep
"We are pro-choice, but we're not controversial, right?"
Veep
"Yeah, they got first trimester, second trimester,"
Veep
"third trimester..."
Veep
"You're listing trimesters. Stop it!"
Veep
"Let's go downstairs and figure out what we're gonna say."
Veep
"It's below deck! We gotta go below deck!"
Veep
"We've got to figure this out. Come on."
Veep
"Hi, Sue. Is the vice president around?"
Veep
"She is not, sir. She's on a coast guard boat"
Veep
"meeting and greeting fish."
Veep
"Ah, the salty sea."
Veep
"Sue, forgive me, but have you altered your hair, perhaps?"
Veep
"I got it chemically relaxed. It was enormously painful."
Veep
"Well, it seems to be working for you."
Veep
"Thank you."
Veep
"Damn it. The president's gone rogue."
Veep
"Sue, apologies. We will continue our pleasant chat at a later date."
Veep
"Abortion calls."
Veep
"Ma'am, I swear to God,"
Veep
"we all thought he was gonna just eat some shrimp,"
Veep
"rattle off a few platitudes, go home,"
Veep
"watch Full Metal Jacket for the millionth time and fall asleep."
Veep
"Kelly, tell Mike to climb off his wife and get on the speakerphone, now."
Veep
"Do you know what this is?"
Veep
"Let me explain something to you."
Veep
"This is POTUS trying to screw me, okay?"
Veep
"This is the unflushable turd"
Veep
"that is left in the can for the next person..."
Veep
"e.g., me."
Veep
"- The toilet's still broken, FYI. - Has POTUS gone nuts?"
Veep
"We can't have a crazy president."
Veep
"In Italy they do."
Veep
"We have to get all of the special interest groups in."
Veep
"Right, we have to bring them all in,"
Veep
"and I'll listen the shit out of every one of those morons."
Veep
"This issue is toxic. So keep the groups apart..."
Veep
"pro-choice in the morning, pro-life in the afternoon"
Veep
"so nobody shoots any doctors."
Veep
"Ma'am, listen, you're going to end up pissing somebody off."
Veep
"It's better to just take a stand now."
Veep
"Putting through Mike."
Veep
"Hi, guys. How was that coast guard boat, huh?"
Veep
"- That's my bad. - Just put it through on this one."
Veep
"- Incompatibility issues. - Just bring it over here, please."
Veep
"- Hang on, Mike. - Hello?"
Veep
"- It doesn't reach. - Would you please move?"
Veep
"- Yes. - You hold this here."
Veep
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