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Clips from Lucifer - A Priest Walks Into a Bar (S01E01)

"Not in the mood, Maze."
Lucifer
"Trust me."
Lucifer
"You don't want to miss this one."
Lucifer
"♪ You know this world is full of an evil ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ It'll bury you under the steeple... ♪"
Lucifer
"You wanted to speak with me?"
Lucifer
"♪ So I'm sending this out to all my people ♪"
Lucifer
"Lucifer Morningstar."
Lucifer
"Father Frank Lawrence."
Lucifer
"(laughs)"
Lucifer
"A priest walks into a bar."
Lucifer
"I've heard this one before. Never seen it, though."
Lucifer
"At least not here."
Lucifer
"Padre, how did you"
Lucifer
"of all people find me?"
Lucifer
"Don't let the collar fool you."
Lucifer
"I have friends from all walks of life."
Lucifer
"People who tell me"
Lucifer
"you're the man to see when you run out of options."
Lucifer
"Ooh, what kind of nasty trouble"
Lucifer
"have you gotten yourself into then?"
Lucifer
"Pinched too much from the collection basket?"
Lucifer
"I'm here about a neighborhood youth center."
Lucifer
"Sounds dreadful."
Lucifer
"It is.... when you realize"
Lucifer
"it's being used as a front for an illegal drug operation."
Lucifer
"The center's director,"
Lucifer
"Lenny Arietta, is recruiting kids"
Lucifer
"from my church to move his product."
Lucifer
"Ah, so this is about young boys, of course it is."
Lucifer
"One in particular."
Lucifer
"A kid named Connor."
Lucifer
"He's had it rough."
Lucifer
"Lost both his parents at six."
Lucifer
"Bounced from home to home, some juvie."
Lucifer
"But deep down, a good kid."
Lucifer
"So, diddling this one, are you?"
Lucifer
"(chuckles)"
Lucifer
"How about I not dignify that with an answer,"
Lucifer
"and instead ask my favor?"
Lucifer
"I was wondering when you'd get to it."
Lucifer
"I want you to talk to Arietta"
Lucifer
"before Connor gets involved."
Lucifer
"And why not go to the police?"
Lucifer
"Got something to hide, do you?"
Lucifer
"They were useless."
Lucifer
"Couldn't find anything on Arietta."
Lucifer
"Why not ask your boss then, hey?"
Lucifer
"The Almighty Himself."
Lucifer
"I already have."
Lucifer
"Oh, no luck?"
Lucifer
"On the contrary,"
Lucifer
"I believe he led me to you."
Lucifer
"I highly doubt that."
Lucifer
"So that's it, is it?"
Lucifer
"Stop a drug ring to help some kid get out of trouble."
Lucifer
"What's in it for you?"
Lucifer
"What is it you really want?"
Lucifer
"That dirty dark desire I can"
Lucifer
"see you struggling to hold in."
Lucifer
"What I really want..."
Lucifer
"Yeah?"
Lucifer
"...is to put my fist through Arietta's face."
Lucifer
"Ha!"
Lucifer
"And there it is."
Lucifer
"Wrath."
Lucifer
"Ooh, not so high and mighty now, are you?"
Lucifer
"We all have demons inside."
Lucifer
"My demon tends the bar."
Lucifer
"So come on, what else are you hiding?"
Lucifer
"Hypocrites like you always have something."
Lucifer
"- You don't know anything about me. - Oh, I know plenty."
Lucifer
"You and I are natural sworn enemies."
Lucifer
"So, you gonna help me or not?"
Lucifer
"My answer to you, Father,"
Lucifer
"is a big fat no."
Lucifer
"Handle it yourself."
Lucifer
"♪♪"
Lucifer
"CHLOE: You're lucky I don't have any active cases,"
Lucifer
"or else I'd send this to Narcotics."
Lucifer
""Narcotics"? No, no, no, no."
Lucifer
"I don't give a damn about the drug dealer."
Lucifer
"We're here to investigate the priest."
Lucifer
"Priest?"
Lucifer
"I thought we were here to talk to the youth director."
Lucifer
"We are. To get dirt on the priest."
Lucifer
"He must be hiding something."
Lucifer
"And what better to way to stick it to dear old Dad"
Lucifer
"than prove that those who speak on His behalf"
Lucifer
"aren't as virtuous as they pretend to be."
Lucifer
"You thought it'd be a good idea"
Lucifer
"to rope me into your imaginary family feud?"
Lucifer
"Great."
Lucifer
"Look, am I mistaken or do you catch bad guys?"
Lucifer
"Now, this priest is up to something."
Lucifer
"Something nefarious-- I can feel it."
Lucifer
"Last I checked, your feelings don't count as probable cause."
Lucifer
"Well, isn't the fact that he came to me"
Lucifer
"probable cause enough?"
Lucifer
"Or I could just interrogate"
Lucifer
"this youth director by myself."
Lucifer
"No, just let me do the talking."
Lucifer
"Mr. Arietta?"
Lucifer
"Hmm."
Lucifer
"Well, if I were trapped in here with these vile children,"
Lucifer
"I'd lock my door as well."
Lucifer
"Detective."
Lucifer
"He's dead."
Lucifer
"Wow."
Lucifer
"Told you the priest was up to something."
Lucifer
"(chuckles)"
Lucifer
"♪♪"
Lucifer
"(indistinct chatter)"
Lucifer
"M.E. puts the time of Arietta's death"
Lucifer
"between 11:30 and 12:00 this morning."
Lucifer
"Cause was multiple hits with a baseball bat."
Lucifer
"There are some abrasions on his face."
Lucifer
"So it looks like he struggled before he died."
Lucifer
"And I found this."
Lucifer
"Ooh, what's that?"
Lucifer
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