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Clips from Scrubs - My First Day (S01E01)

"Did you actually just page me"
Scrubs
"to find out how much Tylenol to give to Mrs Lenzer?"
Scrubs
"I was worried it could exacerbate..."
Scrubs
"It's regular-strength Tylenol. Here's what you do."
Scrubs
"Open her mouth, take a handful and throw it at her."
Scrubs
"Whatever sticks, that's the correct dosage."
Scrubs
"Under no circumstances are you to compromise our no-talking agreement."
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso is always saying..."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna say this as carefully as possible,"
Scrubs
"so I don't overstate it."
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet"
Scrubs
"and may in fact be Satan himself."
Scrubs
"It's just that this isn't what I expected."
Scrubs
"Most of my patients are..."
Scrubs
"older and sorta checked-out, mentally."
Scrubs
"Pumpkin, that's modern medicine."
Scrubs
"Advances that keep people alive who should've died a long time ago."
Scrubs
"Back when they lost what made them people."
Scrubs
"Your job is to stay sane enough so when someone does come in that you can help,"
Scrubs
"you're not so braindead you can't function."
Scrubs
"For the love of God, what?"
Scrubs
"Should we be talking about this in front of..."
Scrubs
"Her? She's dead."
Scrubs
"Write this down. If you push around a stiff,"
Scrubs
"nobody'll ask you to do anything."
Scrubs
"You've been like a father to me."
Scrubs
"If they find out nurses are doing your procedures,"
Scrubs
"you'll be kicked out so quick, your head'll spin."
Scrubs
"And there it is."
Scrubs
"Have a terrific day."
Scrubs
"I'm not really dead."
Scrubs
"Bambi, here's Mrs Lenzer's tox screen."
Scrubs
"Is Turk having the same experience I am?"
Scrubs
"- I am such a stud. - Probably not."
Scrubs
"I had my hands inside of a guy's chest."
Scrubs
"I couldn't even see them. I should not be allowed to do stuff like that."
Scrubs
"Wassup?"
Scrubs
"- You weren't scared? - One way or another,"
Scrubs
"everyone stops bleeding."
Scrubs
"- That is so deep. - No, it isn't."
Scrubs
"It's a little deep."
Scrubs
"- About the apartment... - T-Man!"
Scrubs
"Word up, boy. How you doin'?"
Scrubs
"- All right. - Todd, JD."
Scrubs
"- JD, this is my man Todd. - What's goin'..."
Scrubs
"I was back in high school."
Scrubs
"Surgical interns are all slice 'em and dice 'em."
Scrubs
"Medical interns are trained to think about the body."
Scrubs
"Diagnose, test. Medical interns..."
Scrubs
"You got a stain."
Scrubs
"...we're the chess club."
Scrubs
"I just have bad gas. What are you testing me for?"
Scrubs
"To see if your gas could be harmful to others."
Scrubs
"He's just scared. Talk to him."
Scrubs
"Look, Mr Burski, I heard a systolic murmur in your heart,"
Scrubs
"which is most likely nothing, but if I don't check you out,"
Scrubs
"- I'll worry about you all day. - Then I'll do it. For you."
Scrubs
"You're a good man."
Scrubs
"I'm waiting for someone."
Scrubs
"The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open."
Scrubs
"Maybe a penny's stuck in there."
Scrubs
"- Why a penny? - I don't know."
Scrubs
"- Did you stick a penny in there? - No, I was making small talk."
Scrubs
"If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down."
Scrubs
"Welcome to rounds, kids."
Scrubs
"Elliot is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind."
Scrubs
"She is my dream girl."
Scrubs
"The necrosis and infected stool most likely indicate what, Dr Dorian?"
Scrubs
"I don't know."
Scrubs
"Sir, I have no idea."
Scrubs
"Dr Reid, can you help him out?"
Scrubs
"Superior mesenteric insufficiency."
Scrubs
"That's my girl. Patient number two."
Scrubs
"''Superior mesenteric...''"
Scrubs
"Draining stomach fluid will get my spirits up."
Scrubs
"- Circles for you. - Shut up and do it."
Scrubs
"Fantastic. Now just suck out the fluid with the giant needle."
Scrubs
"Needle's too big. I'm gonna get a nurse."
Scrubs
"Come on, man. Learn by doing."
Scrubs
"Why couldn't I do that? I hated him at that moment."
Scrubs
"OK, maybe the needle was a little too big."
Scrubs
"- You think? - What's going on?"
Scrubs
"Nothing. This is totally normal."
Scrubs
"So are you gonna move your stuff in?"
Scrubs
"That's why I came by. I think it's better if we both branched out."
Scrubs
"Tell him that's stupid. Tell him you need him."
Scrubs
"I feel the same way."
Scrubs
"What's it like being a young hotshot doctor?"
Scrubs
"Did you ever go see a movie everyone told you was great"
Scrubs
"and because of all the expectations, you were disappointed?"
Scrubs
"Movies nowadays have too many special effects."
Scrubs
"That was my point."
Scrubs
"My first code. Someone's heart fails, they beep everyone."
Scrubs
"The first doctor in has to run the room,"
Scrubs
"decides if a patient lives or dies."
Scrubs
"What, am I crazy?"
Scrubs
"You chicken."
Scrubs
"Don't worry. Turk was there, ''learning by doing''."
Scrubs
"- Charged. - Clear."
Scrubs
"The guy was just sleeping, attached to a faulty monitor."
Scrubs
"I thought we cared for each other."
Scrubs
"You just wanna sleep with me."
Scrubs
"I don't wanna sleep with you now."
Scrubs
"Do me right here."
Scrubs
"See?"
Scrubs
"Right. Pass me a trach kit."
Scrubs
"Thanks."
Scrubs
"Our date is totally cancelled."
Scrubs
"I was sitting on the floor for two reasons."
Scrubs
"One, I tried to lock Elliot in that supply closet and she kicked me. Hard."
Scrubs
"And two, the on-call room was locked."
Scrubs
"Come on, I got ten minutes to sleep."
Scrubs
"Wait."
Scrubs
"Tell me if I'm going too fast, OK?"
Scrubs
"Lose the clothes."
Scrubs
"I heard Turk was gonna move in with Todd."
Scrubs
"I'm surprised that freak isn't in there with him."
Scrubs
"Damn, this is hot."
Scrubs
"Nice."
Scrubs
"Your turn."
Scrubs
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