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Clips from Arrested Development - Shock and Aww (S01E01)

"Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother."
Arrested Development
"- Yeah. No, I meant specifically with Maeby. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"You'd think that would turn him off to the entire concept."
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"- This isn't right. - I know. You're right."
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"Besides, I'm not gonna rush out and marry somebody just because you think my son would like it."
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"- I'm sorry. - No, no. It says it's a shower scene."
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"Welcome. I'm Ms. Baerly, the ethics teacher."
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"I'm not supposed to be in a shower scene. It has nudity."
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"My goal is to teach your children about the preciousness oflife..."
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"Tobias was a never-nude, which is exactly what it sounds like."
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"that can be lost by the mindless pulling of a trigger."
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"I don't do nudity. It says that right on my rÈsumÈ. Okay?"
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"Mmm. No ring."
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"What... What do you think I wear these for?"
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"I was never actually clear on that."
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"And so Michael got to know his son's ethics teacher."
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"So, you're, uh... you're not with Marta anymore?"
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"Ethics... right and wrong."
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"Well, my plan is to get her wanting me but bad, and then I spring it on her."
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"How can one thing can be right and another one be wrong?"
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"I know you've been cheating on me, and you just cost yourself one fine man..."
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"I mean, which is which, you know?"
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"- and one fine CD of him singing Love is in the Air. - Well, I would never, uh..."
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"I guess that's the Rrrr of it."
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"You know, so frustrating."
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"do this while you were still going out, but, uh..."
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"if you're done with her, I'd sure like a crack at her."
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"I don't know. I mean, they just threw this class at me after Mr. Daniels had a stroke."
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"Right, right. That sounds great. Go for it, buddy."
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"I had him, Mr. Daniels. How is he?"
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"- Oh, he, you know, had a stroke. - Oh."
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"But you know that she's kind of used to being with me, right?"
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"- Thought you were joking. - No, I was just laughing 'cause you were laughing."
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"So, it'd be sort of like going from prime rib to..."
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"- Right. No. Yeah. Gosh. Hmm. - Yeah."
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"I don't know... weird brother of prime rib."
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"- Do you even know her? - I met her. I fell for her."
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"- Rrrr! - Rrrr!"
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"I've been watching her program, El Amor Prohibido... The Love That Is Forbidden."
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"- But, you know, l-l... I really am antiwar and antiviolence. - Uh-huh."
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"- And I think I'm an ethical person. - Right."
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"She is the love that's forbidden."
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"Here's an ethical question."
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"The love of my hermano."
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"Wait a second. What? You know Hermano?"
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"Can-Can a parent take a teacher out for a drink? Or..."
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"Hermano is brother in Spanish. As in, Hey, hermano."
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"I don't know. Uh, do you have a wife?"
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"- Huh. - Brother?"
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"- Yeah. But she's dead. - Oh."
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"- Hermano means brother? - Yeah."
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"Have you ever been married?"
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"Well, sounds like hermano is about to get his ass kicked."
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"Yeah, she died."
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"Well, this is what I said I wanted."
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"Ohh. God, why are we laughing?"
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"So, all right. Let's get it over with. Huh!"
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"I don't... Well, it's the Mr. Daniels stroke thing..."
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"Uh, so, are you gonna hit me?"
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"all over again."
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"No, I'm not gonna hit you. You're not the brother Marta's cheating on me with."
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"- Let's go get that drink. - Yeah, it could only help."
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"- Oh. Oh, who is? - How the hell should I know, Buster?"
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"- Rrrr! - Rrr!"
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"You know, there is a guy who plays her older brother on her show."
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"George Sr. was dealing with his own admirer."
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"I think his name is Tio."
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"Oh, I've already told you so many of my sins."
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"Tio."
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"Maybe you could tell me some of yours."
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"Well, sounds like someone who you think's name is Tio..."
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"Uh, well, there are legal implications to that."
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"is about to get his ass kicked."
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"But, uh, back to your sins. Uh, do that one about the, uh..."
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"Thanks for the tip, Buster."
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"ladies' shower..."
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"All right, Mom. I'll be sure to tell Buster. Right. Bye. Mom wanted me to tell you..."
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"in your college dorm again."
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"that she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead..."
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"she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in the blue sweater."
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"And Michael was on his way to what would be his second date..."
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"with Ms. Baerly."
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"- Damn! I hate the blue sweater. - She said it would look nice with the gray pants."
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"Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him."
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"- Damn it! She's right! - Where's Gob?"
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"At least, I think it's a him."
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"- I think he's heading down to the set of Marta's soap opera. - What?"
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"You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you can even tell."
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"She may be cheating on him with the guy who plays her brother."
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"I mean, I still like her, but we're gonna have to deal with this."
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"Yeah, Mom. I just spoke to Social Services..."
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"and although they don't like to do this..."
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"- I gotta go stop him. - And I've got a blue sweater to steam."
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"- Good luck. - Thanks."
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"if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child..."
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"Gob raced to confront Tio, with Michael in hot pursuit."
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"and I would suggest saying what you just said to me, don't change a word..."
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"George Michael, having failed to get the information he needed from anyone else..."
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"- they will take him back. - Ha, ha, ha. Uh, don't get too comfortable."
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"Shoes on, mister! Shoes on!"
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"made the ultimate sacrifice and went to the keeper of the family secrets."
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"He's out of control."
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"- So, uh, it's about Maeby. - Oh! That's a lost cause."
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"Hold on."
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"- But you get what you pay for, huh? - Yeah."
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"I'm back."
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"- Wait. What-What do you mean, pay? - Fertility tests, lab fees..."
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"Who's that?"
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"donors and implants."
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"This is Annyong, who your father and I have adopted."
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"She's not real. She was made in a cup."
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"What, I'm gone for a couple days and you find a new son?"
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"Like soup... a hundred and thirty thousand dollar cup of soup."
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"Lucille could see that her son was concerned, even jealous."
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"How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone?"
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"And she knew how it felt to be overlooked."
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"Yes. Annyong is your brother now."
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"All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den."
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"Yes, Annyong. Excuse me. Oh, Michael?"
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"So are you saying we're not directly related?"
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