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Clips from Girls5eva - Tour Mode (S02E02)

"Everybody waits here."
Girls5eva
"- Really? - Really."
Girls5eva
"- Shit, I'm down to one."
Girls5eva
"[tense music]"
Girls5eva
"- Mm-hmm. - But her eyebrow game"
Girls5eva
"can definitely come up."
Girls5eva
"- What if I donate an Instagram wall"
Girls5eva
"with "swole" written in AstroTurf?"
Girls5eva
"- Well, we'll get her a STEM tutor--"
Girls5eva
"you know, selfies, TikToks, emojis, and memes?"
Girls5eva
"- Mm-hmm. - Dang it!"
Girls5eva
"- Dang it to fuck! [gasps] Kev."
Girls5eva
"- What did you just say? - Nothing."
Girls5eva
"I don't even know that word."
Girls5eva
"- [sighs] Okay, Kev, look."
Girls5eva
"I know that Stevia is incredibly disappointed."
Girls5eva
"- What about Larry's hype house?"
Girls5eva
"- What? - Or an evangelical birthright"
Girls5eva
"where she visits the condo in Orlando"
Girls5eva
"where Jesus was born?"
Girls5eva
"- Stop it! Stevia can just stay here."
Girls5eva
"- No, you stop it!"
Girls5eva
"I am not going to be a single dad."
Girls5eva
"- Oh!"
Girls5eva
"- I've only ever been a weekend dad."
Girls5eva
"What do you do on a Wednesday? Is that when she eats?"
Girls5eva
"- She eats all the days! - Oh, slow down, Sum!"
Girls5eva
"I am not a natural caretaker. All my crabs died."
Girls5eva
"Their chalky white paste is on my hands."
Girls5eva
"Crabs don't have traditional blood."
Girls5eva
"I can't take this on. I'm dealing with a lot!"
Girls5eva
"Realtor!"
Girls5eva
"I live in a basement, and I'm afraid of the dryer."
Girls5eva
"I'm sorry, ex-babe. You can't go on tour, ex-babe."
Girls5eva
"- [gasps]"
Girls5eva
"[car honks]"
Girls5eva
"- * New York City moms *"
Girls5eva
"* Nobody waits longer than *"
Girls5eva
"* New York City moms *"
Girls5eva
"* Delayed conception, mm *"
Girls5eva
"* Scheduled C-section *"
Girls5eva
"* Held off in that department *"
Girls5eva
"* Till they got themselves a two-bedroom apartment *"
Girls5eva
"* Had to wait till they made partner *"
Girls5eva
"* To pull the goalie with their partner *"
Girls5eva
"* Bumps poking out of Eileen Fisher *"
Girls5eva
"* Judged by their husband's out-of-town sister *"
Girls5eva
"* But they're all doing mighty fine *"
Girls5eva
"* They're all doing fine *"
Girls5eva
"* Squeaking it in under nature's stupid deadline *"
Girls5eva
"* Gray-bies having babies *"
Girls5eva
"* They're New York *"
Girls5eva
"[saxophone flourish]"
Girls5eva
"* City moms *"
Girls5eva
"* *"
Girls5eva
"- Nothing wrong with that egg."
Girls5eva
"- Guys, I am in for the tour, and I wanna learn saxophone."
Girls5eva
"- But..."
Girls5eva
"what if we're in France and your baby gets "Taken"?"
Girls5eva
"Scott doesn't have the skills for that, Dawn."
Girls5eva
"You think he's gonna get it back"
Girls5eva
"by rearranging books by color?"
Girls5eva
"- Wickie, what is wrong with you?"
Girls5eva
"- And, Gloria, you just rekindled your relationship"
Girls5eva
"with the luminous and irreplaceable Cindy."
Girls5eva
"- Caroline. - Well, you abandon her,"
Girls5eva
"and the nightmare starts."
Girls5eva
"Mark my words. Cynthia will stray."
Girls5eva
"She's got the stubby thumbs of a serial cheater."
Girls5eva
"- You just called her luminous."
Girls5eva
"- I know that camp doesn't start till July."
Girls5eva
"I was just wondering if maybe there was"
Girls5eva
"an off-season groundskeeper."
Girls5eva
"- And, Summer,"
Girls5eva
"you can't leave Stevia with Kev!"
Girls5eva
"She'll kill him!"
Girls5eva
"- What the hell is going on with you?"
Girls5eva
"- Why are you trying to kill the tour?"
Girls5eva
"- [gasps]"
Girls5eva
"I'm in love!"
Girls5eva
"Okay? I'm in love."
Girls5eva
"I'm in love--I'm in love with the stupid lunch lord."
Girls5eva
"- Who? [table rattles]"
Girls5eva
"- Oh. - Oh, my God, he's--"
Girls5eva
"he's cute, and he's honest... [laughs]"
Girls5eva
"And I can't stop thinking about him"
Girls5eva
"even though he owns zero planes and a mug that says,"
Girls5eva
""Keep calm and hate the Dodgers.""
Girls5eva
"He even likes my busted foot."
Girls5eva
"- Eww. But is he, like, too into it?"
Girls5eva
"- No, he's only fine with it."
Girls5eva
"It's normal levels of acceptance."
Girls5eva
"I blame you for this!"
Girls5eva
"You did this to me. You made me evolve."
Girls5eva
"You are the Galapagan insects"
Girls5eva
"that smooshed my finch beak!"
Girls5eva
"Damn it!"
Girls5eva
"[doorbell chimes]"
Girls5eva
"- Wickie is right."
Girls5eva
"I can't leave Stevia with Kev."
Girls5eva
"And my parents can't watch her because they're"
Girls5eva
""building churches in Haiti.""
Girls5eva
"But this bible quote they just posted is geotagged"
Girls5eva
"at the "Dirty Fox Casino and Clothing-Optional Waterpark.""
Girls5eva
"- Ooh, they're backsliding. - Yeah."
Girls5eva
"Ugh!"
Girls5eva
"How am I the grown-up in my world?"
Girls5eva
"Oh, wait, honey."
Girls5eva
"Could you watch Stevia?"
Girls5eva
"- I'm going on the tour with you."
Girls5eva
"- Ugh, right."
Girls5eva
"- The tour's gonna be a nightmare."
Girls5eva
"Wickie's right."
Girls5eva
"I'd leave, Caroline would feel neglected,"
Girls5eva
"so she goes and gets drunk one night,"
Girls5eva
"and she slips up, and then I'm devastated."
Girls5eva
"- Oh."
Girls5eva
"- And then I have guilt-free permission"
Girls5eva
"to explore everything that's out there for me."
Girls5eva
"Why aren't you doing a proud face?"
Girls5eva
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