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Clips from Human Resources (2022) - The Addiction Angel (S01E01)

"My presence is my present."
Human Resources (2022)
"I've been there for that little fucking hairy freak for five seasons."
Human Resources (2022)
"That's the game, Maury."
Human Resources (2022)
"As long as the kid's power-washing the inside of his Calvins,"
Human Resources (2022)
"corporate don't give a rat's ass who's helping him aim the hose."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Hear that, Maury? -We keep his Calvins soaked now."
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah, that's right."
Human Resources (2022)
"But Andrew doesn't even wear Calvins."
Human Resources (2022)
"His Hormone Monster should know that his mom buys his panties"
Human Resources (2022)
"by the bushel at Costco."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Well, look at that."
Human Resources (2022)
"I guess we'll have to finish our victory lap later."
Human Resources (2022)
"Andrew's ready to go, go, go."
Human Resources (2022)
"Again? We just got back. I mean, his crotch is still pulsing."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Duty calls, Joe."
Human Resources (2022)
"I'm gonna grab us a couple of string cheeses for the road."
Human Resources (2022)
"Yo. Your plan makes exercise feel like a game."
Human Resources (2022)
"I told you we'd have some fun."
Human Resources (2022)
"Hey! You think this is what it's like to have a 30-pound dong?"
Human Resources (2022)
"That weight is actually 14 kilos, but, yes, if you had a big, heavy penis"
Human Resources (2022)
"and used the power of your legs and glutes to swing it around,"
Human Resources (2022)
"it would feel just like this. And time!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Follow-up question. Would my balls be heavier,"
Human Resources (2022)
"and would that mean I could hold more pee in there?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Uh… Okay, a couple of things…"
Human Resources (2022)
"Doug, what are you doing?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, hey, Rochelle."
Human Resources (2022)
"I'm getting ripped!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah, and it is working, innit?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah. "In-nit"?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Doug, honey, we're supposed to be writing your vows right now."
Human Resources (2022)
"Right. I forgot. I just really needed to bang out this workout."
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah. We gotta get him in that suit."
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah, and that's what you wanted. Right, sweetheart?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Don't fucking call me sweetheart. -Okay. Doug, how about a weigh-in?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Should I B.M. first? -I absolutely leave that up to you."
Human Resources (2022)
"Pete, why are you listening to this creep? He's gonna ruin everything."
Human Resources (2022)
"He's not a creep. He's my buddy."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Oh no! I gained 25 pounds. -You're still holding the kettlebell."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Oh, yeah. -You've actually lost six pounds."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Yes! -Wow. So healthy."
Human Resources (2022)
"See, Rochelle? Doug's bros have it handled."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Ugh. -Hey, give me a bigger weight."
Human Resources (2022)
"Maybe I'll lose more."
Human Resources (2022)
"On the house, Dante."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Thanks, love. -These are free?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Yeah. -I've never gotten a free drink before."
Human Resources (2022)
"This is so fun."
Human Resources (2022)
"You know what could make this night even more fun?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-If we talk shop."
Human Resources (2022)
"Yes, please. I love when work bleeds over into non-work hours."
Human Resources (2022)
"You know, I was thinking that this supplement"
Human Resources (2022)
"could really supercharge Doug's workouts."
Human Resources (2022)
""Zoom-Zoom Gut Shredder"? Um… Aren't these basically speed?"
Human Resources (2022)
"No. They're harmless."
Human Resources (2022)
"It's just like putting a Ferrari engine in your chest."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh. Heh. I don't know. I'm more of a Volvo kind of guy."
Human Resources (2022)
"Now, see, I don't think that's true. I think there's a Ferrari in there"
Human Resources (2022)
"-and a Lamborghini in your weenie. -Really?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Five hundred horsepower of cool dude just waiting to be let out of the garage."
Human Resources (2022)
"All you need are the keys."
Human Resources (2022)
"And, looky, looky. I got 'em."
Human Resources (2022)
"Alright. Give me the keys."
Human Resources (2022)
"I want to swallow the keys."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Yeah, there you go. Down the hatch."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Okay, what do we do now? -You ever thought about getting a tattoo?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, it's all I've been thinking about since I took that pill."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Where should we put it?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Pete is acting crazy."
Human Resources (2022)
"We had a real thing going,"
Human Resources (2022)
"but now this asshole's got him under his spell."
Human Resources (2022)
"Addiction Angels do that."
Human Resources (2022)
"They make you feel like you're the only person in the world."
Human Resources (2022)
"That's how Dante got Emmy wrapped around his finger too."
Human Resources (2022)
"Well, it might not be his finger she's wrapped around."
Human Resources (2022)
"I hear he's got a triple dick."
Human Resources (2022)
"A triple dick? Is it like a cactus?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Wait. All three don't work at once, right? They can't."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, they can and they do."
Human Resources (2022)
"I can draw you a picture if you've got a full set of colored pencils."
Human Resources (2022)
"Ugh. You disgust me."
Human Resources (2022)
"Ooh, I really get under your shell, don't I?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Boy, don't flatter yourself."
Human Resources (2022)
"Your little mind games may work on Pete, but not on me."
Human Resources (2022)
"Sonya, Rochelle. Look at the awesome tattoo Dante gave me."
Human Resources (2022)
"-It's right on the crest of my pubis. -"Live más"?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Yup, it means "Live more.""
Human Resources (2022)
"Jesus, Pete. That's the Taco Bell slogan."
Human Resources (2022)
"Even better. They are the third most popular dining brand in America."
Human Resources (2022)
"Watch your back, Chick-fil-A."
Human Resources (2022)
"Jesus. Three in a row."
Human Resources (2022)
"Great work, Andrew. That-- That it for tonight, then?"
Human Resources (2022)
"'Cause we might head out."
Human Resources (2022)
"Actually, I just got a few flashes"
Human Resources (2022)
"-from an old Toyotathon commercial. -Sure."
Human Resources (2022)
"I think the Toyota lady is in a red sweater"
Human Resources (2022)
"and she's playing a trombone off-key"
Human Resources (2022)
"right in some new mom's face. You guys remember anything like that?"
Human Resources (2022)
"No. You-- You got it. Is our focus the Toyota lady or the new mom?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Must it be one or the other?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, God. I-- I'm sorry, but I cannot handle this, Gil."
Human Resources (2022)
"Fine! Let's just focus… …on the mom!"
Human Resources (2022)
"No, I can't handle Andrew."
Human Resources (2022)
"I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a week."
Human Resources (2022)
"This kid's mind is a dumpster of slime, and we're his fucking garbage men, Gil."
Human Resources (2022)
"-What are you talking about? -Garbage men!"
Human Resources (2022)
"We haul away the sex trash every single day,"
Human Resources (2022)
"but the pile just keeps getting bigger."
Human Resources (2022)
"Don't you see? There's nowhere else to put it!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Snap out of it! Don't you wanna win that trip to Anal Island?"
Human Resources (2022)
"What about the sharts, Joe?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Think of the sharts!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Fuck the sharts! I'll see the sharts at the Shit Aquarium like I normally do."
Human Resources (2022)
"I-- I'd rather get fired than spend another second with this filthy lunatic."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Well, any luck?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Uh, the-- the-- the mom was wearing tan slacks."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Tan! I'm done."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Let's do Toyota lady."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, look at all this angel dust."
Human Resources (2022)
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