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Clips from Seinfeld - The Abstinence (S08E08)

"...and the part obsessed with sex."
Seinfeld
"Now, granted..."
Seinfeld
"...you have extracted an astonishing amount from this little scrap."
Seinfeld
"But with no-sex Louise, this previously useless lump..."
Seinfeld
"...is now functioning for the first time in its existence."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"I just remembered where I left my retainer in second grade."
Seinfeld
"I'll see you later."
Seinfeld
"-Hey, I need some more matches. -What is going on in there?"
Seinfeld
"I met some people smoking on the street..."
Seinfeld
"...so I invited them up to my apartment to smoke."
Seinfeld
"-Why? -Somebody had to."
Seinfeld
"Just because a person's a smoker doesn't mean he's not a human being."
Seinfeld
"It doesn't?"
Seinfeld
"These people aren't gonna let themselves be flicked..."
Seinfeld
"...into the ashbin of society."
Seinfeld
"-Why not? -Well, you can confine them."
Seinfeld
"You can punish them. You can cram them into the corner..."
Seinfeld
"...but they're not going away, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"-All right. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
"When they hand out those cadavers..."
Seinfeld
"...do you choose if it's a man or woman?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. Dead bodies really gross me out."
Seinfeld
"-Oh, my God. -What's wrong?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's Sue Ellen Mischke, this old braless friend I hate."
Seinfeld
"-Elaine? Hi. -Oh, hi, Sue Ellen, hi."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Rick, this is an old, old friend of mine. Elaine Benes."
Seinfeld
"Rick is a periodontist. He does Giuliani's gums."
Seinfeld
"Well, this is my boyfriend, Dr. Ben Galvant."
Seinfeld
"-Oh, well, I'm an intern. -Hey, stop kidding, Ben."
Seinfeld
"He's a doctor. He's a very good doctor."
Seinfeld
"Carlito's just passed out. Can anyone help?"
Seinfeld
"-Oh, there's a doctor right here. -No, there's not."
Seinfeld
"Can't you at least tell them what to do?"
Seinfeld
"-Like what? -Shouldn't he elevate his legs?"
Seinfeld
"Right. Elevate your legs."
Seinfeld
"I hope Carlito feels better."
Seinfeld
"-Ben really wishes he could've helped. -I thought he was a doctor."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he is."
Seinfeld
"You know, kind of."
Seinfeld
"I mean, I call him doctor."
Seinfeld
"George."
Seinfeld
"Of course, absolute zero."
Seinfeld
"-What? What is with all these books? -I stopped having sex."
Seinfeld
"All right. I'll see you, Phil. I've got room for two..."
Seinfeld
"...but the only thing I have is in the non-filter section."
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey, how you doing?"
Seinfeld
"What, you got a smokers' lounge in there?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, people really seem to be enjoying themselves."
Seinfeld
"You know, they come in once, it's like they're addicted."
Seinfeld
"Jerry. Oh, there you are. You didn't answer your phone."
Seinfeld
"I was out."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, great news."
Seinfeld
"-I got you an assembly. -An assembly?"
Seinfeld
"Two hours in front of the entire junior high, grades six through eight."
Seinfeld
"-That's sixth grade, seventh grade-- -I understand."
Seinfeld
"But what am I gonna talk about for two hours?"
Seinfeld
"And it is already in the school paper. They cancelled Rick James."
Seinfeld
"-Super Freak? -Yes."
Seinfeld
"What is your answer to number 74?"
Seinfeld
"-Metabolic acidosis. -No."
Seinfeld
"Hypokalemia."
Seinfeld
"Not metabolic acidosis."
Seinfeld
"Oh, man, I'm never gonna pass this thing."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yes, you are. We'll just stop having sex."
Seinfeld
"You guys. Hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics."
Seinfeld
"Calculate the velocity, V, in relation to the trajectory, T..."
Seinfeld
"...in which, G, gravity, of course, remains a constant."
Seinfeld
"-It's not complicated. -Now, who are you again?"
Seinfeld
"George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary."
Seinfeld
"Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?"
Seinfeld
"You wanna talk about hotels, or you wanna win some ball games?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, we won the World Series."
Seinfeld
"In six games."
Seinfeld
"So if you like to tell jokes, and you love to make people laugh..."
Seinfeld
"...stand-up comedy may be the career for you."
Seinfeld
"Thank you."
Seinfeld
"Nine minutes."
Seinfeld
"How am I gonna fill two hours?"
Seinfeld
"Hello? I could take an hour off your hands."
Seinfeld
"Let the kids see a real, live Yankee."
Seinfeld
"And give you the chance to see some real disappointed kids."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I take your order, please?"
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, darling, do l--? Do I detect a Portuguese accent?"
Seinfeld
"No, don't mention it."
Seinfeld
"-Portuguese? -Yeah, my cleaning lady is Portuguese."
Seinfeld
"I must have picked it up."
Seinfeld
"How come he's getting so smart?"
Seinfeld
"I stopped having sex with Ben three days ago..."
Seinfeld
"...and I don't know no Portuguese."
Seinfeld
"-Are you all right? -I don't know. I just--"
Seinfeld
"The last couple of days my mind has been kind of, you know..."
Seinfeld
"...not good."
Seinfeld
"Wait a second. I know what's happening."
Seinfeld
"The no-sex thing is having the reverse affect on you."
Seinfeld
"What? What are you talking about?"
Seinfeld
"To a woman, sex is like the garbage man."
Seinfeld
"You take for granted that when you put some trash on the street..."
Seinfeld
"...a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up."
Seinfeld
"But now, no sex, it's like a garbage strike."
Seinfeld
"The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked."
Seinfeld
"Nothing's getting through. You're stupid."
Seinfeld
"-I don't understand. -Exactly."
Seinfeld
"-Hey, buddy. -Hey."
Seinfeld
"Hey, you should come over. Tonight's pipe night."
Seinfeld
"-What happened to your face? -What?"
Seinfeld
"It looks like an old catcher's mitt."
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"Look at that. My face is all craggily. It's crinkly."
Seinfeld
"It's from all that smoke."
Seinfeld
"You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours."
Seinfeld
"What did you expect?"
Seinfeld
"Emphysema, birth defects, cancer, but not this."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, you know, my face is my livelihood."
Seinfeld
"Everything I have I owe to this face."
Seinfeld
"It's my allure, my twinkle, you know."
Seinfeld
"You know, and your teeth, your teeth are all brown."
Seinfeld
"Look away, I'm-- I'm hideous."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Ben, I need a four-letter word."
Seinfeld
""Winnie-the-" blank."
Seinfeld
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