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Clips from Seinfeld - The Abstinence (S08E08)

"-Pooh. -Poo."
Seinfeld
"No, it's Winnie-the-Pooh."
Seinfeld
"So the hospital called."
Seinfeld
"Turns out some stupid intern screwed up my test."
Seinfeld
"I never had mono."
Seinfeld
"So now we can, you know."
Seinfeld
"So, what did you do?"
Seinfeld
"I told her I would have to think about it."
Seinfeld
"But ultimately you're gonna choose in favor of sex, right?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. Perhaps I can better serve the world this way."
Seinfeld
"You mean, not subjecting women to your sexual advances?"
Seinfeld
"A simple joke from a simple man."
Seinfeld
"So you're never gonna have sex again?"
Seinfeld
"Well, Jerry..."
Seinfeld
"...there was a pretty good chance I was never gonna have sex again anyway."
Seinfeld
"You ready for the assembly and what you'll say about the Yankees?"
Seinfeld
"Sports are so pedestrian. I prepared some science experiments..."
Seinfeld
"...that will illuminate the mind and dazzle the eye."
Seinfeld
"I wrote a 20-minute bit about how homework stinks."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my vacation was restful, resplendent, magnificent."
Seinfeld
"In fact, next time I'm planning on going to Corfu."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no."
Seinfeld
"-We gotta talk. -No way, Kramer."
Seinfeld
"You brought me only misfortune and humiliation. Now, get out."
Seinfeld
"-But, Jackie. -I said, out."
Seinfeld
"Jackie, I think I got a case against the tobacco companies."
Seinfeld
"-The who? -The tobacco companies."
Seinfeld
"I've been wanting a piece of them for years."
Seinfeld
"Did that cigarette label mention any damage to your appearance?"
Seinfeld
"-No, no, it didn't say anything. -So you were a victim..."
Seinfeld
"...and now your face is sallow, unattractive, disgusting."
Seinfeld
"-So, Jackie, you think we got a case? -Your face is my case."
Seinfeld
"-Hey. -Hey, how are you doing?"
Seinfeld
"Not good. I'm a moron."
Seinfeld
"Don't worry about it."
Seinfeld
"Once he passes the test, you'll have sex and you'll be fine."
Seinfeld
"Well, that kind of brings us to why I'm here."
Seinfeld
"You got 1 1 minutes?"
Seinfeld
"What for?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on."
Seinfeld
"I just wanna clear my head. It has nothing to do with you."
Seinfeld
"I think it has something to do with me."
Seinfeld
"You could read the paper through the whole thing, if you want."
Seinfeld
"No, no, no. I'm sorry. This is too weird."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Is Kramer home?"
Seinfeld
"You know, Louise, I think you'll find this amusing."
Seinfeld
"-ln early Euclidean geometry they-- -George, I have to have sex."
Seinfeld
"I used to share that very same outlook..."
Seinfeld
"...but now I have so many things to occupy my mind."
Seinfeld
"-For instance, the atom. -Goodbye, George."
Seinfeld
"I hate you."
Seinfeld
"Fascinating turn of events."
Seinfeld
"Ms. Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen..."
Seinfeld
"...into a horrible, twisted freak."
Seinfeld
"Who could love me?"
Seinfeld
"I disagree. In fact, I feel Mr. Kramer projects a rugged masculinity."
Seinfeld
"Rugged? The man's a goblin."
Seinfeld
"He's only been exposed to smoke for four days."
Seinfeld
"By the time this case gets to trial, he'll be nothing more than a shrunken head."
Seinfeld
"All right, Mr. Chiles, you'll have our offer by tomorrow."
Seinfeld
"-Good day, gentlemen. -Yeah, bye-bye."
Seinfeld
"Jackie. Jackie, you did it. We're rich."
Seinfeld
"You better believe it. Jackie's cashing in on your wretched disfigurement."
Seinfeld
"Congratulations! You passed."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, Elaine, I don't think we should see each other anymore."
Seinfeld
"What? You're breaking me up with me?"
Seinfeld
"But I sacrificed and supported you while you struggled."
Seinfeld
"What about my dream of dating a doctor?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor..."
Seinfeld
"...I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better."
Seinfeld
"That's the dream of becoming a doctor."
Seinfeld
"Lookit. Are we gonna have sex or not?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, when the glee club's finished singing, George goes on, then you."
Seinfeld
"-Hey. -Where have you been? You're on next."
Seinfeld
"I got lost on the way over."
Seinfeld
"Got lost? We went to school here for three years."
Seinfeld
"What are these? Take me to your leader."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God, you had sex."
Seinfeld
"-You had sex with Louise. -No, the Portuguese waitress."
Seinfeld
"The Portuguese waitress?"
Seinfeld
"I calculated my odds of ever getting together..."
Seinfeld
"...with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"George, George, you're on."
Seinfeld
"-Oh, I'm not going on. -What did you come down here for?"
Seinfeld
"To tell you about the Portuguese waitress."
Seinfeld
"It's good to have you back."
Seinfeld
"-One of you has to go on. -All right. I'll do it."
Seinfeld
"Hey, kids, what's the deal with homework?"
Seinfeld
"You're not working on your home."
Seinfeld
"That was a great lunch, Jackie. Thanks."
Seinfeld
"It's puzzling we haven't gotten that offer yet."
Seinfeld
"Well, Mrs. Wilkie from the tobacco company called me."
Seinfeld
"And we had a little powwow."
Seinfeld
"A powwow? Who told you to have a powwow?"
Seinfeld
"I didn't tell you to have a powwow."
Seinfeld
"-She made an offer. I took it. -How much?"
Seinfeld
"-No, no, no. There was no money. -No money? Then, what did we get?"
Seinfeld
"Check it out."
Seinfeld
"This is the most public yet of my many humiliations."
Seinfeld
"Cancelled? But I was supposed to be on tomorrow night."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, but then, some people were telling me about..."
Seinfeld
"...that little flap out there at the junior high school assembly."
Seinfeld
"And before that, you were bumped by a lizard?"
Seinfeld
"It was a-- Actually, it was a monitor lizard."
Seinfeld
"Those things, deadly, dangerous."
Seinfeld
"A long time ago, my uncle and a date are driving, like, through Mexico."
Seinfeld
"They see one on the road."
Seinfeld
"Drags him out of the car and chews his face off."
Seinfeld
"Listen. We'll call you if anything opens up. Okay, Jimmy?"
Seinfeld