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Clips from Silicon Valley - Binding Arbitration (S02E02)

"just to make things easier."
Silicon Valley
"You know, Gavin, if you don't want my help,"
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"then I guess we'll just see what happens."
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"All right, Richard."
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"So what do we do here?"
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"I don't know."
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"What do we do here?"
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"Paul, are you there?"
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"Ron?"
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"- Hey, buddy. - Sam and Melinda there, too?"
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"They are. They say hi."
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"Hey, Ron."
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"What up, kids?"
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"Let me hit you back in 10"
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"and we'll sidebar this."
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"Binding arbitration? What's that?"
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"Well, it's like a trial but massively accelerated."
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"Next week we're gonna go in front of a retired judge"
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"and argue our whole lawsuit in just two days, and then we're done."
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"So this will all be resolved next week?"
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"I've always wanted to go to binding arbitration."
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"A weird thing to have always wanted to do."
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"Everybody who's ever sued me"
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"has settled out of court. Pussies."
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"Now finally I'll be able to take the stand,"
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"be a part of the big show."
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"No show. This is a serious"
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"legal proceeding, okay?"
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"And speaking to that, Ron Laflamme has got us a new litigator"
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"and we are meeting him in an hour."
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"Um, how are we gonna pay this person?"
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"Our guy has agreed to wave his entire fee"
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"until our case is resolved."
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"Oh, it's some wet behind the ears noob straight out of law school."
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"No, he is said to be very experienced,"
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"one of the best in the biz."
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"Then why the fuck would he take our case on spec?"
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"Was I in possession of cocaine, amphetamines,"
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"amyl nitrate, also known as poppers, at the time of my arrest?"
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"In large quantities."
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"Did I have consensual intercourse"
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"with two women under the age of 18?"
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"Repeatedly. I admit this."
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"Did I violate the Mann Act and transport them"
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"across state lines for sexual purposes?"
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"Alleged but not proven."
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"And, boy, they tried. They tried."
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"Therefore, I was incarcerated and I was disbarred."
Silicon Valley
"Wait, hold on. You were disbarred?"
Silicon Valley
"So you can't practice law?"
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"Not in open court in the State of California."
Silicon Valley
"That's correct. But this is arbitration."
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"I'm really grateful for the opportunity."
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"I'm turning my life around."
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"I've served my time."
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"Questions?"
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"I guess I have one at least."
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"Um, what does amyl nitrate do?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, it dilates the anus."
Silicon Valley
"That is accurate."
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"Also produces euphoria."
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"Okay, thank you, Pete and Jared."
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"- Sure. - Anal dilation aside,"
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"what do you think of our case?"
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"You think we're gonna go in there and just dick-slap"
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"those Hooli pieces of shit?"
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"I have reviewed your case"
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"and it is extremely strong."
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"Thank God."
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"I do, every day of my life."
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"It's only by His grace that I was able to survive"
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"that plunge into the ravine and 11 months in the state penitentiary."
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"I'm sorry, were you in an emotional ravine"
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"or did you actually go into a ravine?"
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"Both."
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"Now, with your approval,"
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"I would like to move forward."
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"I currently am not in possession of an office"
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"and I'm residing in a halfway house,"
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"so I would like to give Hooli legal your home address."
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"Why?"
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"They need to send over their discovery documents,"
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"all of them."
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"All of them?"
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"This is craziness."
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"Couldn't they have just emailed all this?"
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"I mean, it's mostly just printed-out emails anyway."
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"Yeah, of course they could have."
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"And it would have been digitally searchable,"
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"and that is the point."
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"It's a classic document dump."
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"But what they didn't take into account is"
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"the power of us."
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"So grab a box, guys."
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"Start pulling anything you think is relevant."
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"And you may have to work pretty hard,"
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"but it will free us from this lawsuit."
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"Are you saying, work will set you free?"
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"Yes. They have the manpower."
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"We have the perseverance. Triumph of the will."
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"He's the most cheerful person"
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"I've ever heard quote Hitler."
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"So Hooli's entire intellectual property claim"
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"boils down to three simple questions."
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"Did your work on Pied Piper at any time overlap"
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"with your scope of work or Hooli business?"
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"Uh, no."
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"Did you ever do work on Pied Piper on Hooli time?"
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"Uh, no."
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"And at no time did you ever use Hooli equipment"
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"to develop Pied Piper in any way?"
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"No, never."
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"We're on our way then. You just tell that"
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"honestly to the court, and we're home free."
Silicon Valley
"Okay."
Silicon Valley
"Unless, of course, you've offered"
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"a conflicting version of that to anyone..."
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"A friend, your parents,"
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"a girlfriend."
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"No, no, and not possible."
Silicon Valley
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