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Clips from HouseBroken (2021) - Who's a Bad Girl? (S01E01)

"‐ And as the neighbor was spraying us"
HouseBroken (2021)
"with a hose to separate us,"
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"my boyfriend Jimmy Chonga whispered into my ear,"
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""Now I know that dogs do have souls,"
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"because ours just mated.""
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"‐ All of that is a lie."
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"Those of you on Team Darla will be happy to know"
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"that she's quit Lindsay, that femme fatale of footwear,"
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"and has come back to me."
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"‐ Well, that's wonderful‐‐"
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"‐ Not ready for feedback. There's more."
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"Xavier is coming home from college."
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"‐ And Xavier is an upside down colander you hooked up with?"
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"‐ Xavier is my original human."
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"I was a gift to him on his seventh birthday,"
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"and we were inseparable until he left for college."
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"We were even in a band together,"
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"until I slept with one of the drumsticks."
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"‐ Jill is getting a puppy."
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"[all speaking at once]"
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"‐ Take that back, you scale‐faced sack of algae!"
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"And I‐‐I mean, what are you talking about, Bubbles?"
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"‐ It's true."
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"Jill has been on her lap thing every night searching."
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"‐ There's no way Jill would make a decision like that"
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"without consulting me."
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"‐ Sexy new baby replace sexy older baby in prime."
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"It is Kit Kat all over again."
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"‐ All right. Enough."
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"We're not getting our news"
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"from an animal with a brain so small"
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"she doesn't even know how to pinch off a poop."
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"‐ This is not a poop."
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"It's a scarf that my butt makes,"
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"and you're all getting one for Christmas."
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"‐ Ooh! Are they all brown?"
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"[upbeat music]"
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"[all singing on "ruff"]"
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"♪ ♪"
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"[singing on "ruff" and "meow"]"
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"♪ ♪"
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"‐ Are you sure she was looking at puppies"
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"and not just on a dating site?"
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"‐ I may be a fish, but I know the difference between a puppy"
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"and a divorced real estate agent."
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"‐ But we have a puppy. Me. That's my role."
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"‐ Chief, you're six."
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"‐ That doesn't matter. I'm baby."
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"Me baby. Goo‐goo‐bow‐wow."
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"‐ I relate to the fear you're expressing"
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"through that cringy baby talk."
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"‐ Phank woo."
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"‐ But, you know, I've thought about it some more,"
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"and I think it could be good for us."
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"Besides, Jill may get other pets,"
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"but none will have our special connection."
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"Sometimes Jill will put her glasses on me."
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"Oh, and one time she tried on my collar."
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"‐ Go get the leash."
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"‐ If Jill is gonna get us a pet,"
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"why doesn't she do something cool like clone me"
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"so I can be successful at work"
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"while spending quality time with the kids?"
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"‐ What? ‐ My point is,"
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"me wub the way things awe."
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"‐ It's going to be okay. Twust me."
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"‐ Ugh, Honey, I just spent this whole conversation"
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"explaining why I don't want another baby in the house."
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"I mean, were you even wistening?"
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"‐ That baby talk should be a turn‐off, but‐‐"
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"[can cracks]"
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"‐ Come on, Tabs. It's dinner time."
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"‐ I‐I can't."
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"I made promise to myself,"
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"never again participate in Tuna Toes Tuesday."
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"[all meowing] Ugh!"
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"‐ I love my life."
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"‐ I know you're hungry,"
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"so I'm gonna share something with you"
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"that I've never shared with another cat."
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"‐ You own two‐story house? ‐ With my credit score?"
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"[laughing] I don't think so."
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"The lady that lives here puts out food for stray cats."
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"And if a person tries to take it,"
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"she calls the police."
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"It's hilarious. ‐ [gasps]"
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"Is that wet cat food? In crystal goblet?"
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"‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ [laughing]"
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"[chomping wildly]"
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"[purring]"
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"Hmm..."
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"[gasps] That is me."
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"[gasps]"
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"And that is me."
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"And that is guitar lessons,"
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"but underneath that is me. [gasps]"
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"Why would they use that picture?"
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"‐ Yeah, it's not one of your best,"
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"but the fact that they're using this less beautiful"
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"but more accurate picture shows how much they want you back."
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"Let me rephrase that."
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"See, they can't use one of your glamour shots"
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"because it wouldn't look like‐‐"
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"‐ I want to go."
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"‐ Aww, don't listen to me. I only have one eye."
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"[grunts]"
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"Sorry, ma'am."
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"‐ Honey, Chief, come."
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"I have a surprise for you next door."
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"‐ I love surprises. I hope it's a poop scarf."
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"‐ Little Cookie. She's cute, right? I found her."
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"‐ She's the sweetest little puppy."
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"‐ Ah. The puppy is for our neighbor."
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"Now don't you feel silly for getting so worked up?"
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"‐ [panting] ‐ Hey there, Little Cookie."
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"Aww, aren't you the female friend and daughter"
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"I've always wanted?"
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"Yes, you are."
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"Hold. Hold."
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"Now, tell that bitch who's boss."
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