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Clips from Veep - Crate (S03E03)

"You've got no skills."
Veep
"Your uncle controls a lot of votes, sure."
Veep
"But you? If you tried to clap, you'd miss your hands."
Veep
"Well, those votes can be very useful to someone..."
Veep
"No, we're way ahead on the living dead."
Veep
"We don't need your uncle or you."
Veep
"Okay, well, it's not just me."
Veep
"I have an entourage."
Veep
"- You can bring senior staff? - Absolutely."
Veep
"Like who?"
Veep
"He's not gonna know."
Veep
"- Boom, Isabella Herrera. - Mm-hmm."
Veep
"- Boom, Liz Graham. - Okay."
Veep
"Ace up the sleeve... booya... Ally Craig."
Veep
"Well, that's very interesting."
Veep
"So are we gonna stop dancing? You gonna make me an offer?"
Veep
"take your crazy eggs, stick 'em up your ass."
Veep
"Meanwhile, I can now confidently spread the story"
Veep
"that the Maddox camp is hemorrhaging like a burst dog."
Veep
"Have a nice day."
Veep
"Oh, let me pick this up. I still have a job."
Veep
"Oh, my God. It's like this thing is glued to the ground, Dan."
Veep
"Just try to make it look like a regular crate, Gary,"
Veep
"not Thor's hammer."
Veep
"I like that T-shirt."
Veep
"- Ma'am? Quincy Carter... - Yes."
Veep
"The editor of the New Hampshire Globe is here to speak with you."
Veep
"Oh, God. That Dickensian shitstack?"
Veep
"Yeah, well, that shitstack can swing the entire New Hampshire vote."
Veep
"That's why they call him The Endorser."
Veep
"- Mr. Carter. - Ma'am, a pleasure."
Veep
"I see you've brought your soon-to-be-famous crate."
Veep
"- Ooh. - See our online diary piece for details..."
Veep
"- Crate Expectations. - Oh, I love it!"
Veep
"- Gary, bring the crate over here. - Okay, yeah."
Veep
"So, what's the piece gonna say?"
Veep
"Oh, that it's been reinforced with titanium."
Veep
"- Yes, it has. - And that it cost $1,200 to make."
Veep
"What? No, it didn't."
Veep
"You'd have to be out of your mind"
Veep
"to spend that kind of money for a crate."
Veep
"Well, according to the manufacturer."
Veep
"Uh, no, we don't want... we don't want..."
Veep
"Yeah. Okay."
Veep
"- Um... - Go get Mike."
Veep
"- The thing is, Mr.Carter... - Mm-hmm."
Veep
"You don't want to put your foot through a crate."
Veep
"She thinks it looks folksy,"
Veep
"but she really looks like Dustin Hoffman on a crate."
Veep
"Stop it. That's mean."
Veep
"All right, I gotta get going."
Veep
"I gotta go make noises out of my face hole or whatever it is I do."
Veep
"You know, Quincy's retiring."
Veep
"The Globe is gonna need somebody who's willing to be sucked up to"
Veep
"and who likes to eat a lot of lunches."
Veep
"Think you're man enough for that?"
Veep
"Leave Selina? That's not possible."
Veep
"Is it? You would see a lot more of me."
Veep
"Oh, no. That's not good."
Veep
"I could go look at houses."
Veep
"Hey, Wendy. Mike, I know it seems weird, but you're actually needed."
Veep
"- Let's go. - Actually, I want to finish my muffin"
Veep
"and then I'll go get... are you...?"
Veep
"I'm helping you out. Let's go. No, let's go. Come on."
Veep
"- That's kinda mean. - That's very rude."
Veep
"Oh, I so wish we could talk longer,"
Veep
"but I'm afraid, yes, we've got this... we've got..."
Veep
"- Quincy? - Michael!"
Veep
"Thank you for the recipe."
Veep
"Did you have a nice vacation?"
Veep
"The Globe is doing a piece on the crate."
Veep
"Oh, yeah, like it cost a million dollars or something crazy."
Veep
"No, no, no, there's no story there, Quincy."
Veep
"Right, that's what I was saying to him."
Veep
"- Yes, exactly. - I'll take care of this."
Veep
"Okay, great. Great."
Veep
"- What? - Oh, my God. I cannot stand that affected butt plug."
Veep
"If I could lift the fucking crate, I'd beat him to death with it."
Veep
"- Okay, we will get rid of him. - Good news."
Veep
"Quincy's agreed to do a more substantial in-depth interview."
Veep
"We'll schedule it for tomorrow."
Veep
"That would be the other option."
Veep
"- Splendid. - Yes."
Veep
"Now I am away to lunch."
Veep
"Wine and branzini wait for no man."
Veep
"- Oh, my goodness. - Until we meet again."
Veep
"- Okay, bon appétit. - Merci."
Veep
"- You fucking douche. - He is a character, though."
Veep
"I hate those. Hate."
Veep
"All right, so where is Kent?"
Veep
"Uh, I think he's still with FLOTUS."
Veep
"Oh, God. I hope he doesn't give her a crate to stand on."
Veep
"Otherwise she's gonna hang herself"
Veep
"from the nearest light fixture."
Veep
"All right, call me anytime."
Veep
"Honey, come help Mom sort her pills."
Veep
"You used to love that."
Veep
"I screwed up, Mom."
Veep
"I should've never joined Maddox."
Veep
"And now he's finished and I've come home to die."
Veep
"Well, can your DC friends help?"
Veep
"I don't have any friends in DC, Mom."
Veep
"They all call me a dick behind my back."
Veep
"But, like, right behind my back so I can hear them."
Veep
"Like you always said, honey, Haters gonna hate."
Veep
"Right, exactly."
Veep
"One day, they'll wish they had listened to me."
Veep
"God, I wish I had a dirty bomb."
Veep
"Mom, do you think that you could talk to Uncle Jeff for me?"
Veep
"- No. - I want a job on my own merits"
Veep
"and I think that he's the guy to get it for me."
Veep
"You know, we're not on good terms."
Veep
"You don't have to fuck him, Mom. You just have to call him."
Veep
"- What? - Don't give me that look."
Veep
"- All right. - It's how DC people talk."
Veep
"- I know. - If you wanna walk the walk, you have to talk that talk."
Veep
"Okay."
Veep
"It's not a radical stance on immigration at all."
Veep
"It's really more of a practical stance."
Veep
"Ma'am, that is going to fly with our readers."
Veep
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