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Clips from King Ralph

"The rain has stopped, Your Majesty. We should be able to continue with the portrait."
King Ralph
"So I should hope, Albert. First time we've had the whole family here for six years."
King Ralph
"Let's try and get one in. We'll need both banks to fill light."
King Ralph
"I've already strung the cables, sir."
King Ralph
"- All set up, sir. - Thank you. We're ready now, everybody."
King Ralph
"Please remember to look straight into the lens and keep your eyes wide and bright."
King Ralph
"Now, after three. One, two..."
King Ralph
"three."
King Ralph
"I know, at a time like this, it's difficult to apply oneself to any task."
King Ralph
"But a surviving heir to the throne must be found."
King Ralph
"The nation, the Commonwealth, and I dare say the known world await your findings."
King Ralph
"Good luck, gentlemen."
King Ralph
"Since when do we give a toss about this kind of bullshit?"
King Ralph
"Shut up, Dysentery. Where's your sense of national flippin' pride?"
King Ralph
"(SNORING)"
King Ralph
"Er..."
King Ralph
"- Excuse me, Sir Cedric. - Yes?"
King Ralph
"- I do believe we've found an heir. - That's wonderful, Duncan. Who is it?"
King Ralph
"His name is Jones. Ralph Jones."
King Ralph
"Ralph Jones. Is he everything we might have hoped?"
King Ralph
"Well, he has his strengths and his weaknesses."
King Ralph
"You see... he's an American."
King Ralph
"Quickly. The strengths?"
King Ralph
"(PIANO PLAYS)"
King Ralph
"And here's one from the great Don Ho, the godfather of Hawaiian soul."
King Ralph
"# Tiny bubbles"
King Ralph
"# In the wine"
King Ralph
"# Make me happy"
King Ralph
"# Oh, how they make me feel fine"
King Ralph
"And he's in there!"
King Ralph
"# Tiny bubbles"
King Ralph
"# Make me warm all over"
King Ralph
"Are you shittin' me?"
King Ralph
"# With the feelin' that I'm gonna love you"
King Ralph
"# Till the end of time"
King Ralph
"Thank you."
King Ralph
"- Brady, I got that 20 for you tomorrow. - Yeah, right!"
King Ralph
"Hey, Mitzi. Your show went a little better than mine."
King Ralph
"Hey, Ed, what are you doin' down here?"
King Ralph
"I've had it with you, Jones. We're not payin' you to watch television."
King Ralph
"Hello. My name is Duncan Phipps and this is Inspector McGuire."
King Ralph
"What did I do now? Couple cheques bounce?"
King Ralph
"No, he's here for your protection."
King Ralph
"Hey, Jones, get over here. I'm not finished talkin' to you."
King Ralph
"Come on in. I'll sign a picture for ya."
King Ralph
"Smashing show, by the way. Smashing."
King Ralph
"- We're not renewing you after this week. - What?!"
King Ralph
"- I'm puttin' Mitzi in your slot. - (MITZI GABBERS)"
King Ralph
"You little backstabbin' bitch."
King Ralph
"(BLOWS RASPBERRY)"
King Ralph
"- Just turn in your tux, Jones. - What?"
King Ralph
"Cos I wouldn't sing 'The Impossible Dream'?"
King Ralph
"Vacate your room by noon or we'll throw your stuff out."
King Ralph
"RALPH: Shit. Can you believe that?"
King Ralph
"It's beyond all comprehension, Your Majesty."
King Ralph
"But I have news that might bring you cheer."
King Ralph
"I doubt it."
King Ralph
"It is my glorious duty to inform you..."
King Ralph
"that you are the new... King of England."
King Ralph
"(MITZI SCREAMS)"
King Ralph
"You see, the late king's uncle, the Duke of Warren..."
King Ralph
"had a small dalliance with your grandmother, Constance..."
King Ralph
"who was a waitress at the hotel where he was staying."
King Ralph
"One Gastro Death-Dealer with onions, jalapeños and Tabasco."
King Ralph
"Thank you."
King Ralph
"At any rate, Constance had a son, your father."
King Ralph
"Now, since he and your grandmother are both dead..."
King Ralph
"you are the only surviving royal heir in your line."
King Ralph
"Look, even if I believed ya, which I don't..."
King Ralph
"I haven't got time to be the King of England. I gotta get a job."
King Ralph
"This is more than a job."
King Ralph
"I may put a band together, get back to playing rock and roll."
King Ralph
"But you can't refuse the throne. It's a sacred trust."
King Ralph
"- Yeah? What does a sacred trust pay? - You don't get a salary, as such."
King Ralph
"- As I figured. I pay you, right? - You don't need money."
King Ralph
"Everything's taken care of. The king has his own castle, five castles, in fact..."
King Ralph
"a fleet of cars, a yacht, a full staff of servants."
King Ralph
"Good God, the future of a nation's at stake."
King Ralph
"You're good, Dunc. Real good."
King Ralph
"- Do you remember your grandmother? - Connie? Yeah."
King Ralph
"Remember a ring she wore?"
King Ralph
"Sure, she'd brag about it all the time. She said she got it from some prince..."
King Ralph
"There's only one other like it... the Duke of Warren's."
King Ralph
"Was this the ring?"
King Ralph
"Holy shit."
King Ralph
"Yes!"
King Ralph
"Yes!"
King Ralph
"How long do you need me? I've never held a job for more than six months."
King Ralph
"PHIPPS: Well, you see, a king is a king for life."
King Ralph
"RALPH: No problem. My schedule's pretty open."
King Ralph
"# God save the king"
King Ralph
"# God save the king"
King Ralph
"# Rule Britannia"
King Ralph
"# God save the king"
King Ralph
"There it is, Your Majesty. Your new home."
King Ralph
"- Which room's mine? - Um... all of them."
King Ralph
"# God save the king"
King Ralph
"# God save the king"
King Ralph
"Excuse me, Sir Cedric. His Majesty is here."
King Ralph
"Very good."
King Ralph
"Allow me to introduce our sovereign lord, Ralph Jones..."
King Ralph
"King of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and all her other realms and territories..."
King Ralph
"Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith."
King Ralph
"How you doin'?"
King Ralph
"How do you do, Your Majesty?"
King Ralph
"- I'm Cedric Willingham. - Glad to meet ya, Ced."
King Ralph
"Have you ever been to England before?"
King Ralph
"No."
King Ralph
"But I have almost all the Rolling Stones albums."
King Ralph
"Well, then, you're practically a native."
King Ralph
"Dunc says you've been here 25 years. You must be a hell of a typist by now."
King Ralph
"I'm not that type of secretary."
King Ralph
"My duty is to instruct you in the arts of sovereignty, to make you a king."
King Ralph
"Uh, look, my 'duties' are mostly for show, right?"
King Ralph
"I hope you're not countin' on me to solve problems..."
King Ralph
"because I don't have a lot of experience."
King Ralph
"English law prohibits monarchs from solving problems."
King Ralph
"Unfortunately, it doesn't prohibit you from creating them."
King Ralph
"Good! That's a load off my mind."
King Ralph
"So... where do we start?"
King Ralph
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