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Clips from Avenue 5 - This Is Physically Hurting Me (S01E01)

"(SCANNER BUZZES)"
Avenue 5
"What are you doing?"
Avenue 5
"Uh, well, I'm-- I'm just--"
Avenue 5
"You just swipe it like this. It's really not hard, you know?"
Avenue 5
"-Okay. All right. Sorry. -DEVON: Jesus."
Avenue 5
"Problem paying?"
Avenue 5
"Uh, yes. I don't know why. It just seems to--"
Avenue 5
"It doesn't come up. Uh... Is it-- Is it okay"
Avenue 5
"-if I take this and just-- -Sorry, sir."
Avenue 5
"I can't allow you to do that."
Avenue 5
"You're down as a passenger now."
Avenue 5
"-So... just-- -I'm-- What? I'm not--"
Avenue 5
"Oh, I see what he's done."
Avenue 5
"So, what do I do? I just eat the furniture?"
Avenue 5
"Hey. Everything okay?"
Avenue 5
"He doesn't have any Judd Bucks in his account."
Avenue 5
"Matt, tell him, will you?"
Avenue 5
"-I'm gonna take care of this. -Okay."
Avenue 5
"Come here."
Avenue 5
"I'm probably gonna have to call security on you,"
Avenue 5
"but I promise I'll give you a big head start."
Avenue 5
"And don't try to hide in your cabin."
Avenue 5
"'Cause Judd gave it to Spike."
Avenue 5
"Right. So that's his game, is it?"
Avenue 5
"Okay, well, I've got another game"
Avenue 5
"that I'm playing. It's called..."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, it's okay. Names are hard."
Avenue 5
"No, I've got it. It's called..."
Avenue 5
"It's called "Fuck You in the Stupid Fucking Face"
Avenue 5
"and I Hope Your Spaceship Fucking Crashes."
Avenue 5
"-Fuck You" is what it's called. -Yeah."
Avenue 5
"That sounds like a good game."
Avenue 5
"This has got to be"
Avenue 5
"the greatest yard sale of all time."
Avenue 5
"Hello. Hello, thank you for your service. Yes. Yes."
Avenue 5
"You know, this is how I made my first ten bucks."
Avenue 5
"I thought you stole it from your dad."
Avenue 5
"Yeah. Yeah, I know. I get confused."
Avenue 5
"That's what happens when you write three autobiographies."
Avenue 5
"-(WHISPERS) Don't worry, I got this. -Uh-oh."
Avenue 5
"Oh, Fudd. I know."
Avenue 5
"What do you know? Your own limitations?"
Avenue 5
"Oh, no. I know about the shuttle, small balls."
Avenue 5
"There's no space on that shuttle."
Avenue 5
"What shuttle? Fuck, shit."
Avenue 5
"You should have said the second part"
Avenue 5
"and not the first part."
Avenue 5
"When this is over, you'll be in prison,"
Avenue 5
"doing business via a phone stored up your own asshole"
Avenue 5
"whilst I'll be running my new space travel company,"
Avenue 5
"one that gets its passengers home"
Avenue 5
"before their kids die of old age."
Avenue 5
"-(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) No, you arsehole. -What--?"
Avenue 5
"-You'll be making children... -What are you d--?"
Avenue 5
"...and yanking on your knickerbocker"
Avenue 5
"-while it makes goof juice. -That-- None--"
Avenue 5
"-None of that is English. -You know what I'll be doing?"
Avenue 5
"(NORMAL VOICE) I'll be back in my home rebuilding my empire."
Avenue 5
"With what? Your own dung?"
Avenue 5
"No, not my dung. Idiot."
Avenue 5
"Ooh, zing."
Avenue 5
"You let me in on the shuttle, and I'll drop all my lawsuits against you."
Avenue 5
"Back off, buddy, or you will feel my wrath."
Avenue 5
"And I am fire. Literally fire."
Avenue 5
"I will burn the jelly in your fat eyes,"
Avenue 5
"and use your tongue to wipe surfaces with."
Avenue 5
"I want you both to know that I am not afraid of women."
Avenue 5
"I simply now choose to walk away."
Avenue 5
"-You mincing narcissist. -(QUIETLY) Iris."
Avenue 5
"You've erased me. What am I supposed to do?"
Avenue 5
"What am I supposed to eat? Where am I supposed to sleep?"
Avenue 5
"I'm as mad as a fucking bear."
Avenue 5
"Call security. There's a bald hobo threatening me."
Avenue 5
"-IRIS: I just did. -Wow. They shaved Samson."
Avenue 5
"I have more hair than him."
Avenue 5
"Oh my god! What has happened to you?"
Avenue 5
"Did security do this to you?"
Avenue 5
"-I quit. -I fired him."
Avenue 5
"So, you don't have to teach me how to bloody fly!"
Avenue 5
"-Why would he quit? -I fired him."
Avenue 5
"-Why would you fire him? -Well, technically, he quit."
Avenue 5
"-You can't fly? -MIKE: You're British?"
Avenue 5
"Boom, and the fourth wall shatters."
Avenue 5
"What else isn't real?"
Avenue 5
"I mean, he's out of his hair and makeup."
Avenue 5
"He doesn't have his costume on. We're in a reality show."
Avenue 5
"-(ALL MUTTERING) -MAN: I bet we're not even in space!"
Avenue 5
"Wow, you guys are stupid, even for rich people."
Avenue 5
"Hey, hey. Don't talk to rich people like that."
Avenue 5
"We could just walk out the airlock, huh?"
Avenue 5
"-Whoa, whoa! No, no, no! -BILLIE: No, no, no, no!"
Avenue 5
"-Come on! Let's get outta here. -No, no, no, no, no!"
Avenue 5
"-You can't walk, okay? -No! No, no, no! No, no."
Avenue 5
"You can't do that because you'll die."
Avenue 5
"Okay, you're just saying that to keep us here"
Avenue 5
"-on your ridiculous space show. -What?"
Avenue 5
"Oh, great, the captain's here."
Avenue 5
"I just found out something freaky about the bridge."
Avenue 5
"Yes, that it is incredibly high tech and sophisticated--"
Avenue 5
"The crew is being prompted."
Avenue 5
"Someone is telling them what to say."
Avenue 5
"What? You mean the crew isn't real?"
Avenue 5
"Well, the captain's not even American."
Avenue 5
"-He's British. -Yeah!"
Avenue 5
"Look, we all put on accents when we're in character."
Avenue 5
"That's what actors do."
Avenue 5
"Like this, for example, is me just being Sarah."
Avenue 5
"But this is me being "Sarah.""
Avenue 5
"So, you are an actor?"
Avenue 5
"-Wait. You are? She is? -It sounded the same."
Avenue 5
"No, no, it's very subtle. She's doing with her eyes."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, I don't want to give the game away."
Avenue 5
"Okay, so it is a game. Okay, let's go."
Avenue 5
"No, no, no, no. Please, please, don't listen to her."
Avenue 5
"She doesn't know anything. She's legally a simpleton."
Avenue 5
"Billie, distract her."
Avenue 5
"-Shine a torch at the ceiling or something. -SARAH: Why so rude?"
Avenue 5
"Wait a second, so are you an actor?"
Avenue 5
"Well, if you're noticing me acting,"
Avenue 5
"then I would say that actually, I'm not doing my job properly."
Avenue 5
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