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Clips from Derry Girls - Stranger on a Train (S03E03)

I'm still single. Ah.

"I'm still single. Ah."

Derry Girls

Sure, who'd take me on?

"Sure, who'd take me on?"

Derry Girls

Don't say that. You're a fine-looking woman.

"Don't say that. You're a fine-looking woman."

Derry Girls

Stop it. I'm serious.

"Stop it. I'm serious."

Derry Girls

You could slice your hand on those cheekbones.

"You could slice your hand on those cheekbones."

Derry Girls

Well, I mean,

"Well, I mean,"

Derry Girls

there was someone once, but, he's married now, so.

"there was someone once, but, he's married now, so."

Derry Girls

But not to you.

"But not to you."

Derry Girls

Sure it's only what I deserve, after what happened.

"Sure it's only what I deserve, after what happened."

Derry Girls

Isn't that what everybody thinks?

"Isn't that what everybody thinks?"

Derry Girls

Is it? But sure, who hasn't made a mistake in their time, girls?

"Is it? But sure, who hasn't made a mistake in their time, girls?"

Derry Girls

Don't talk to me.

"Don't talk to me."

Derry Girls

I had a perm in '85 that made me look like Leo Sayer.

"I had a perm in '85 that made me look like Leo Sayer."

Derry Girls

Dark days. Very dark days.

"Dark days. Very dark days."

Derry Girls

Anyway, enough of my woes.

"Anyway, enough of my woes."

Derry Girls

We've not heard much out of you, Joe. How's life been treating you?

"We've not heard much out of you, Joe. How's life been treating you?"

Derry Girls

Ah, not great, I'm afraid. I caught dementia.

"Ah, not great, I'm afraid. I caught dementia."

Derry Girls

Dementia? Riddled with it, so I am.

"Dementia? Riddled with it, so I am."

Derry Girls

Ach, that's awful. I can't remember a bloody thing.

"Ach, that's awful. I can't remember a bloody thing."

Derry Girls

I am so sorry to hear that, Joe.

"I am so sorry to hear that, Joe."

Derry Girls

Thanks, love.

"Thanks, love."

Derry Girls

Fair play, Joe.

"Fair play, Joe."

Derry Girls

DEEP BREATHING I'm sorry, can nobody else hear that?

"DEEP BREATHING I'm sorry, can nobody else hear that?"

Derry Girls

What? The racket you're making.

"What? The racket you're making."

Derry Girls

I'm just breathing.

"I'm just breathing."

Derry Girls

It sounds a bit like when you let the air out of a bouncy castle.

"It sounds a bit like when you let the air out of a bouncy castle."

Derry Girls

It's average. It's normal, average breathing.

"It's average. It's normal, average breathing."

Derry Girls

It's English breathing, James.

"It's English breathing, James."

Derry Girls

It is a bit oppressive, actually.

"It is a bit oppressive, actually."

Derry Girls

Fine. I'll just sit on my own, then, shall I?

"Fine. I'll just sit on my own, then, shall I?"

Derry Girls

Yeah, thank you.

"Yeah, thank you."

Derry Girls

What is taking you so long, dick splash?

"What is taking you so long, dick splash?"

Derry Girls

This isn't my bag.

"This isn't my bag."

Derry Girls

Are you sure? Unless I forgot

"Are you sure? Unless I forgot"

Derry Girls

the fact that I packed a shit-ton of cash and a gun.

"the fact that I packed a shit-ton of cash and a gun."

Derry Girls

What?

"What?"

Derry Girls

And a pair of pliers, some hairspray,

"And a pair of pliers, some hairspray,"

Derry Girls

a toothbrush, and one of those wee face hats.

"a toothbrush, and one of those wee face hats."

Derry Girls

A face hat?

"A face hat?"

Derry Girls

Jesus Christ, Orla.

"Jesus Christ, Orla."

Derry Girls

And a bag of Tayto. What flavour?

"And a bag of Tayto. What flavour?"

Derry Girls

Salt and vinegar. Can we focus here, please?

"Salt and vinegar. Can we focus here, please?"

Derry Girls

There's at least a grand in here.

"There's at least a grand in here."

Derry Girls

And a gun. An actual gun.

"And a gun. An actual gun."

Derry Girls

That guy.

"That guy."

Derry Girls

When he was moving he must have taken my bag by mistake.

"When he was moving he must have taken my bag by mistake."

Derry Girls

Just put it back.

"Just put it back."

Derry Girls

What? The bag. Just put it back.

"What? The bag. Just put it back."

Derry Girls

And what about my bag?

"And what about my bag?"

Derry Girls

It has my camera in it, my swimming trunks.

"It has my camera in it, my swimming trunks."

Derry Girls

Just swim in your cacks. I don't want to swim in my cacks.

"Just swim in your cacks. I don't want to swim in my cacks."

Derry Girls

This is more important than your cacks.

"This is more important than your cacks."

Derry Girls

He's dangerous. Just put it back exactly as it was.

"He's dangerous. Just put it back exactly as it was."

Derry Girls

He can't know that we have touched anything.

"He can't know that we have touched anything."

Derry Girls

Fantastic.

"Fantastic."

Derry Girls

Right, so that's five cups of tea,

"Right, so that's five cups of tea,"

Derry Girls

a juice for the wean. I'll take a KitKat.

"a juice for the wean. I'll take a KitKat."

Derry Girls

No KitKats, I'm afraid. Yeah, there's some there.

"No KitKats, I'm afraid. Yeah, there's some there."

Derry Girls

Those are display KitKats. Display KitKats?

"Those are display KitKats. Display KitKats?"

Derry Girls

They're for display purposes only, bird brain.

"They're for display purposes only, bird brain."

Derry Girls

I'll get these. Indeed you will not. Put your purse away.

"I'll get these. Indeed you will not. Put your purse away."

Derry Girls

I've got it. Here, son.

"I've got it. Here, son."

Derry Girls

Ah. Here, hold on, son.

"Ah. Here, hold on, son."

Derry Girls

You've done yourself. That's 50p too much.

"You've done yourself. That's 50p too much."

Derry Girls

God, you'd never know he had dementia.

"God, you'd never know he had dementia."

Derry Girls

Aye, it comes and goes.

"Aye, it comes and goes."

Derry Girls

Thanks. And thanks for being so nice.

"Thanks. And thanks for being so nice."

Derry Girls

Not everyone has been glad to see me back.

"Not everyone has been glad to see me back."

Derry Girls

People can be so judgmental.

"People can be so judgmental."

Derry Girls

I bet you were shocked at the time, too.

"I bet you were shocked at the time, too."

Derry Girls

You must have felt like you didn't even know me.

"You must have felt like you didn't even know me."

Derry Girls

Who really knows anybody?

"Who really knows anybody?"

Derry Girls

You can ask me about it, girls. I know you must be dying to.

"You can ask me about it, girls. I know you must be dying to."

Derry Girls

Ach, sure, is there any point in raking it all up again?

"Ach, sure, is there any point in raking it all up again?"

Derry Girls

Ask me.

"Ask me."

Derry Girls

I have irritable bowel syndrome.

"I have irritable bowel syndrome."

Derry Girls

I'm sorry? Don't be. It's just one of those things.

"I'm sorry? Don't be. It's just one of those things."

Derry Girls

Aye, mine's playing up, now you mention it.

"Aye, mine's playing up, now you mention it."

Derry Girls

You have trouble with your bowels as well, do you, Sarah?

"You have trouble with your bowels as well, do you, Sarah?"

Derry Girls

I'm crippled with them, Gerry, as well you know.

"I'm crippled with them, Gerry, as well you know."

Derry Girls

Do you fancy a game of Guess Who?

"Do you fancy a game of Guess Who?"

Derry Girls

Maybe it wasn't a robbery. Maybe he's a hit man

"Maybe it wasn't a robbery. Maybe he's a hit man"

Derry Girls

and that stash is his blood money.

"and that stash is his blood money."

Derry Girls

We don't have hit men. We have Provos.

"We don't have hit men. We have Provos."

Derry Girls

We had Provos, but ever since the ceasefire,

"We had Provos, but ever since the ceasefire,"

Derry Girls

paramilitary work has been drying up a bit,

"paramilitary work has been drying up a bit,"

Derry Girls

so maybe people are branching out.

"so maybe people are branching out."

Derry Girls

You're welcome. Huh.

"You're welcome. Huh."

Derry Girls

The display KitKats?

"The display KitKats?"

Derry Girls

How did you get the display KitKats?

"How did you get the display KitKats?"

Derry Girls

I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Derry Girls

What sort of offer? Let's just say everybody has their price.

"What sort of offer? Let's just say everybody has their price."

Derry Girls

Orla. You know the money that was in that bag with the gun?

"Orla. You know the money that was in that bag with the gun?"

Derry Girls

Go on.

"Go on."

Derry Girls

Please tell me you did not swap that money for those KitKats. No.

"Please tell me you did not swap that money for those KitKats. No."

Derry Girls

Oh, thank God.

"Oh, thank God."

Derry Girls

I mean, not all of it.

"I mean, not all of it."

Derry Girls

How much of it?

"How much of it?"

Derry Girls

500 or something. Fucking hell, Orla.

"500 or something. Fucking hell, Orla."

Derry Girls

Shit. Look. He's going to open the bag.

"Shit. Look. He's going to open the bag."

Derry Girls

He's going to open the bag. He's going to realise it's the wrong one

"He's going to open the bag. He's going to realise it's the wrong one"

Derry Girls

and he's going to come over here, he's going to find his bag,

"and he's going to come over here, he's going to find his bag,"

Derry Girls

he's going to look inside,

"he's going to look inside,"

Derry Girls

he's going to see that there's 500 quid missing.

"he's going to see that there's 500 quid missing."

Derry Girls

Then he's going to kill all of us

"Then he's going to kill all of us"

Derry Girls

with his actual gun that he actually has.

"with his actual gun that he actually has."

Derry Girls

We need to get out of here.

"We need to get out of here."

Derry Girls

Christ, this is desperate.

"Christ, this is desperate."

Derry Girls

I know, Mary. We're in too deep. There's only one thing for it.

"I know, Mary. We're in too deep. There's only one thing for it."

Derry Girls

OK, let's do it. What are you playing at?

"OK, let's do it. What are you playing at?"

Derry Girls

I thought we were making a run for it. We can't do that.

"I thought we were making a run for it. We can't do that."

Derry Girls

Why not? We're in the back arse of nowhere, for one thing,

"Why not? We're in the back arse of nowhere, for one thing,"

Derry Girls

and we can't just abandon Gerry, Daddy and our own weans.

"and we can't just abandon Gerry, Daddy and our own weans."

Derry Girls

Are you sure?

"Are you sure?"

Derry Girls

No. We can't desert our family

"No. We can't desert our family"

Derry Girls

because we got ourselves into a slightly embarrassing situation.

"because we got ourselves into a slightly embarrassing situation."

Derry Girls

Slightly embarrassing? I'm turning inside out here.

"Slightly embarrassing? I'm turning inside out here."

Derry Girls

We have to tell the truth.

"We have to tell the truth."

Derry Girls

We have to tell her we can't remember who she is. Oh.

"We have to tell her we can't remember who she is. Oh."

Derry Girls

Jesus, just hand me a spade and let me bury myself.

"Jesus, just hand me a spade and let me bury myself."

Derry Girls

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