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Clips from Derry Girls - Stranger on a Train (S03E03)

"Will this be enough? I thought you weren't going to bother"
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"making lunch, we were going to get something there. We are."
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"This is for the journey. It's an hour on the train, love."
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"Aye, better do a few more rounds."
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"No more rounds. For the love of God, put the knife down, woman."
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"Why have you got a surfboard, Joe?"
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"Jim across the road gave me the lend. I'll start again."
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"What are you planning to do with the surfboard, Joe?"
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"Surf. Something I always fancied doing,"
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"ever since I saw that film,"
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"the one where the lads try to catch thon big fish."
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"What film is that?"
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"You know, the big fish, the musical fish."
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"The musical fish?"
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"He hums a tune before he attacks people."
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"They try to catch him but their boat's too wee."
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"Are you talking about Jaws? That's the one."
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"Jaws made you want to take up surfing?"
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"Aye. Grand so."
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"Christ, is that the time?"
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"I've that much to do I'm passing myself here,"
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"and now my right ear has closed over."
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"What? I've been trying to put my earring in for 45 minutes,"
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"but no joy. Give us over an ice cube, will you, Mary?"
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"I'm going to freeze the lobe and ram a needle through it."
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"Please don't. Take them off, Orla, they're mental."
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"They're cracking. Are they really suitable, love?"
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"They won't let you on the disco swing if you don't meet"
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"the height restrictions, Aunt Mary. I simply will not risk it."
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"TV: Ian Paisley and the DUP say they will not enter any kind of talks"
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"with Sinn Fein unless the IRA decommission all arms."
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"I'm convinced they don't know where they are."
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"What's that? The IRA. Well,"
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"after the ceasefire they've all this stuff just lying about,"
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"you know, their guns, their Semtex,"
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"their other bits and bobs,"
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"and there's nothing worse than clutter."
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"Exactly like Mammy's Toby jug collection."
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"I was just thinking that, Mary."
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"I bagsed them all up, stored them somewhere safe, thought no more about them."
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"Six months later Daddy wants to plant some seeds in John Wayne."
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"Can I remember where I put them?"
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"Are you saying you think the IRA won't decommission"
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"because they've misplaced their balaclavas?"
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"I mean, they'll turn up, I'm sure. The balaclavas?"
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"The Toby jugs."
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"TV: It's a serious stumbling block"
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"in an already precarious peace process."
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"I just can't believe this."
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"Yeah. Let's hope they can work it out."
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"I've frozen the wrong lobe. I see."
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"Portrush, with a Protestant, Unionist majority,"
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"yet many Catholics from"
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"Derry risk travelling there every summer."
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"Why? Well, because it's got a cracking big dipper."
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"Get that thing out of my face, James,"
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"I haven't even got my eyes on yet."
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"Why'd you bring it, son? You're not going to be able to take it on any of the rides."
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"What are you laughing at?"
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"Is it because Uncle Gerry said "rides"?"
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"Speaking of rides. Seriously."
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"Don't be asking to go on that ghost train? Do you hear me?"
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"You'll be all Billy big balls at the time,"
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"but I'll have to deal with the fallout at three in the morning when you wake up"
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"screaming and crying about some fella with no head."
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"Oh, I love the fella with no head."
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"The fella with no head is the best bit."
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"I just wasn't expecting the fella with no head."
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"Now that I'm prepared for the fella with no head."
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"I don't want to hear about it, Erin."
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"I just want to get on that train, sit down,"
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"have a cup of tea and relax."
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"TANNOY: The 9:15 service from Londonderry"
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"to Portrush will now be arriving at platform two"
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"calling at Castlerock, Coleraine and Portstewart."
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"THEY CHEER"
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"HORN BLASTS"
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"TRAIN ANNOUNCER: Welcome aboard the 9:15 service from Londonderry to Portrush,"
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"calling at Castlerock, Coleraine and Portstewart."
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"Thought I was going to drop dead there at one point."
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"If only. Christ but I'm sweating like a hooker in mass."
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"Let's grab these. We're going to sit in a different carriage, Mammy."
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"I don't know about that. Come on, Mammy, we just want our own space."
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"We're not weans. We don't need to be constantly supervised."
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"Where's Clare?"
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"Shit."
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"CLARE SCREAMS"
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"TRAIN HORN BLARES"
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"The golden sands of Benone, the crashing of the Atlantic,"
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"the wildlife, the mountains, the birdsong."
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"Well, what's any of this without Clare?"
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"She hasn't snuffed it, Erin."
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"Yeah, I'm sure she'll get the next train."
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"And make the journey all alone because we abandoned her,"
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"because we left her behind,"
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"and I for one will never forgive myself for that."
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"Here comes the snack trolley. Oh, happy days."
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"Any drinks or snacks? I'll have a Coke and a KitKat and..."
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"I'll have a KitKat as well. Yeah, me too."
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"No KitKats, I'm afraid."
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"I can see the KitKats. They're display KitKats."
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"- Display KitKats? - They're display only."
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"I don't have any in the drawers."
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"Well, can we buy the display KitKats?"
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"No. Why the fuck not?"
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"Because if I don't have them on display, how will people know they're available?"
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"They're not available. This is what I'm saying."
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"I'm really fucking confused, lads. OK, Fra, is it? This is ridiculous."
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"I would like to speak to your manager, please."
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"I am the manager."
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"You're the train manager?"
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"Yeah. You're the train manager"
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"and you also operate the snack trolley. That's right."
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"I suppose you drive the train as well, do you, Fra?"
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"- Sometimes. - I'm sorry?"
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"I own the train. I own all the trains."
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"Fuck me, there's wiser eating grass."
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"Jesus Christ!"
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"You're upsetting the passengers."
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"You're upsetting the passengers."
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