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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Kisses a Boy! (S01E01)

"Well, here we are, Cyndee."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Make-out point."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's so romantic, Brandon."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Stop!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If we really love each other, then we can wait."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Aw, come on, Cyndee!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I drove all the way out here!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have to pay for my own gas, you know."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Forget it. Let's just go home."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[laughs] Now I've got the real thing!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I get to kiss him and smell his chest. [sighs]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[sighs] Wow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So you're doing great, huh?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, my gosh. Super great!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm managing the pet store in town."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And Brandon and I are moving into a new house."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[gasps]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's got an above-ground pool and an in-ground trampoline."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Cool! Wait a minute! Did you get a tattoo?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, I saw it on a Chinese menu,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I just fell in love with it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It means "bean curd.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Brandon got a matching one for our one-month anniversary,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but there was a mix-up, so his is in English."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[Kimmy] Ah, wow. Matching tattoos."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah. It's real popular now,"
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"like taking pictures of your food or being biracial."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[Kimmy] Gosh, Cyndee."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I am so proud of you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're really living your life!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, it seems like you're doing pretty great too."
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"Yeah. [gasps]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This guy at work, we kissed today."
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"In the pantry!"
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"- [gasps delightedly] - This is boring!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So you kissed somebody!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Everybody kisses things."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"White people kiss their dogs."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You lived in a bunker."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Where did you go to the bathroom?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Did anybody try to eat anybody?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Was there ever a moment where you were like,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""The real prison is in my mind"?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[clears throat]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I am as God made me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Where have you been, mister?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I wanted to let you two catch up,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so I went and got you flowers"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"from the flower district."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And from the Meatpacking District..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Meat. - Ah, thank you!"
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"I love them. [sniffs]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hi, I'm Brandon."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus Andromedon. Star on the rise."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimberly, a word."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You asked me to help you keep an eye on Cyndee, correct?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, but now you don't need to."
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"I underestimated her."
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"She's got a job and a house"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and a guy who brings her the traditional meat and flowers"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of Indiana courtship."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, that boy's gay."
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"- What? - Gay as a penguin."
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"- [gasps] - Educate yourself."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Read a nature video. - He's not gay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Gay hasn't even gotten to Indiana yet."
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"There have been rumors in Ohio."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I know small-town gay, Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Brandon has a tan line where he usually wears a leather cuff."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He's from Indiana, but he weighs less than 200 pounds."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And there's a stain on his jeans that could only be"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"from re-varnishing an Edwardian escritoire."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- What? - It's gay for "desk.""
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"Ugh! You're being ridiculous, Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus! When are us guys going to talk about cars?"
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"Huh, Titus. Brandon is into cars."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimberly, a word."
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"That was smoke and mirrors, Kimmy,"
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"two things gay men love."
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"And I'd call him out on it if I knew anything about cars."
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"Did I say that right? "Curs.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- "Coors." - Stop it."
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"Why would a gay man even want to be with Cyndee, Titus?"
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"I... what would he possibly get out of that?"
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"Very well! I'm sure you're right."
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"There's no way Brandon's gay."
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"Which means you wouldn't care if I tried to seduce him."
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"- What? - I'm just saying."
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"Obviously, I'll fail."
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"Because Cyndee's boyfriend is super straight, right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Right. Do whatever you want."
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"The wheels are already in motion."
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"So, Brandon,"
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"tell me about yourself."
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"What do you like to do?"
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"I'm just a regular guy."
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"I like, uh, NASCAR and fishing,"
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"you know, quoting Borat,"
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"setting up universal remotes,"
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"and, of course, Vegas, baby."
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"[Cyndee] Come on."
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"Let's go someplace else."
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"Let's go to the fanciest place in Manhattan."
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"Did you know some places call shrimp "prawns"?"
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"I do now."
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"We could get a reservation anywhere."
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"Just call up and say we're Mole Women."
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"What? No."
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"I don't tell anyone about that."
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"Really? Kimmy, that's crazy."
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"Because when people find out you're a Mole Woman,"
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"they feel bad for you and they give you free stuff!"
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"Is that what you do in Durnsville?"
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"You get stuff because people feel sorry for you?"
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"Sure. I didn't finish middle school."
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"I'm not qualified to run a pet store."
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"I just said I liked dogs, so they..."
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"Oh, no, I forgot to get someone to cover for me while I'm here."
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"So... the clothes, the house, the "curs," the car..."
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"that is not an easy word."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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