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Clips from 30 Rock - Hard Ball (S01E01)

"No, Liz, he heard me wrong. You know I love the troops."
30 Rock
"Do you remember that Fleet Week after I broke up with David?"
30 Rock
"Oh, God, this is bad. Nobody reads the articles in these things, right?"
30 Rock
"- No. - Maybe no one will pick it up?"
30 Rock
"These Holly-weirdoes from La-Ia Land, like Jenna Moron-ey, are just un-American."
30 Rock
"So we are calling for a boycott of NBC, General Electric,"
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"and their parent company,"
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"the Sheinhardt Wig Corporation!"
30 Rock
"- Jack, I was misquoted. - This is my fault."
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"I never should have let her do "Maxim" in the first place."
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"We'll nip this thing in the bud."
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"- You know what that is, don't you? - Yes. Should I prepare a song?"
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"What?"
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"Does my vulva look swollen?"
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"Come here."
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"I just want to warn you, as a friend, about this contract thing."
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"Jack is gunning for you."
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"- Really? - Don't worry. You're not going anywhere."
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"Jack said advertisers love you"
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"because you test great with women 12 to 24."
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"Which advertisers? Could I get free ChocoStix?"
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"Just don't be pushy about your contract, and I promise we will get through this."
30 Rock
"Yeah, Alan actually told me not to talk to anybody about this."
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"Alan? Who's Alan?"
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"Yeah, a Jacuzzi, the whole nine yards."
30 Rock
"Good to see you. I'm Josh Girard's agent."
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"Oh, really?"
30 Rock
"re: Josh's contract offer."
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"We've got some serious troubs, my friend."
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"We are not smiles times."
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"What's your sched mañana?"
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"'Cause this is gonna be one serious negosh."
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"My sched is wide-open, Alan."
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"Hasta mañana."
30 Rock
"So, entourage, what's on the schedule for today?"
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"- I have us pencilled in for "Halo." - I love "Halo"!"
30 Rock
"I love "Halo" so much, I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant."
30 Rock
"Why are you guys laughing so hard? That's the same joke Mr Jordan said earlier."
30 Rock
"I don't think so, K, 'cause I like to keep my material fresh."
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"I like to keep things fresh so much"
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"that I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant."
30 Rock
"Whoa, who just killed me? That's never happened before."
30 Rock
"- I did, Mr Jordan. - That's impossible."
30 Rock
"I've beat all the world's best players..."
30 Rock
"Grizz, Dot Com, my publicist, my stylist."
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"Oh, well, I just killed you again."
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"You're cheating, and I don't want to play no more!"
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"And I just want the troops to kill everyone"
30 Rock
"Pretty good, but this is "Hardball," Jenna, so you might want to be more specific."
30 Rock
"You could say that you support the troops,"
30 Rock
"but you feel that the war was poorly planned and started under false pretences"
30 Rock
"and that we should have used those resources to hunt down Osama bin Laden."
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"I'm just worried I'm gonna sound like I don't know what I'm talking about."
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"Hey, would Sharon Stone worry about that?"
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"- Would Richard Gere? - No."
30 Rock
"Then you go out there, and you voice your opinions like a star."
30 Rock
"OK, what are you gonna do if they ask you about '08'?"
30 Rock
"Well, of course I want Hillary to be the first woman president."
30 Rock
"No, Obama. You support Barack Obama."
30 Rock
"Remember, you liked those pictures of him at the beach?"
30 Rock
"Oh, right. Obama... what is he, Hispanic?"
30 Rock
"- No, he's black. - And he's running for president? Good luck."
30 Rock
"Is this new furniture?"
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"- This is my negotiation set. - What?"
30 Rock
"Gentlemen, please, sit down."
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"All right."
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"Let's skip the foreplay and get right to the penetrashe."
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"and time off for every Jewish holiday, no matter how ridiculous."
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"I mean, Yaznacht is coming up."
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"That seems pretty reasonable, right, Jack?"
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"Here's my counteroffer."
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"One dollar."
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"- What? - Oh, boy."
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"- That's absurd. - You know what's absurd?"
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"These photos I found of Josh roughhousing with Lance Bass at SeaWorld."
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"It keeps getting lower. I think we should take it."
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"Relax."
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"Look, Jack, we know about the testing."
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"Women from 12 to 24 love my guy."
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"Who told you that?"
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"- Oh, Liz did. - Shut up."
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"- What? - That was privileged information."
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"That's what I thought."
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"Awse. We are back in the game."
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"Yo, Kenneth. We need to talk, man."
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"Oh, I've had this conversation before."
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"You're marrying my mom, aren't you?"
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"You're beating him at "Halo," you're not laughing at his jokes."
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"He's the king around here. You got to respect that."
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"Hey, I got next game."
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"Hold up."
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"- How are you beating Kenneth, Grizz? - I don't know."
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"If Kenneth can beat me, and you can beat Kenneth,"
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"then by the transitive property, you should beat me, too."
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"Have you been letting me win?"
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"Just at some things."
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"Things? Plural?"
30 Rock
""What is the world's only egg-laying mammal?""
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"Right again."
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"That's a green pie piece."
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"Amazed."
30 Rock
"Oh, yeah! What, cat?"
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"Have you two been treating me like a child all this time?"
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"Tucker Carlson, you heard what Jenna Maroney had to say."
30 Rock
"- She supports the troops. - Well, here 's a question, Chris."
30 Rock
"She's another empty-headed, self-involved member of the Hollywood ignorati."
30 Rock
"You know, for someone who's super, super hot, you're really cranky."
30 Rock
"I have just as much right to my opinion as you or Chris."
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"I'm not sure you do. You've been on this show for 20 minutes now."
30 Rock
"You sang six bars of something called "Muffin Top"..."
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"Thank you."
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"...And then told a disgusting story about Fleet Week."
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"This is the state of political discourse in this country nowadays, and that's fine."
30 Rock
"Let's have our policies determined by former CableACE Award nominees."
30 Rock
"First, I was great in that "Arliss.""
30 Rock
"Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror,"
30 Rock
"Hey, Jack, I was totally gonna call you."
30 Rock
"Which of your massive screw-ups should we discuss first?"
30 Rock
"- How about the Jenna situation? - That is taken care of."
30 Rock
"I have written an op-ed piece for "The New York Times" under Jenna's name,"
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