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Clips from Scrubs - My ABC's (S08E08)

"Dr. Kelso was retired..."
Scrubs
"so he still came to the hospital every day."
Scrubs
"Hey, Anderson, before I retired, we never got to have a heart-to-heart."
Scrubs
"I'm not really a touchy-feely type, but,"
Scrubs
"J.D.: As usual, Turk and I were working our asses off."
Scrubs
"I wanted to watch... Oh, nice, it's already on."
Scrubs
"J.D.: And Dr. Cox was once again torturing the new interns."
Scrubs
"Before we start rounds today, who watches Deal or No Deal?"
Scrubs
"name the three possible causes of this patient's hematemasis."
Scrubs
"Actually, they already found someone."
Scrubs
"Mine neither."
Scrubs
"I grew up on the street."
Scrubs
"No, not the hood, the Sesame Street."
Scrubs
"- I like it. - Thank you, Perry."
Scrubs
"Plus we've got the same hair."
Scrubs
"You mean like the kind of energy that seeps out of every pore in your body?"
Scrubs
"Elliot, why?"
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"I thought it would hurt less coming from me."
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"Well, buddy, you have no idea how psyched I am to hear that."
Scrubs
"so I wouldn't dare threaten all the male teachers"
Scrubs
"I could drop a deuce right here."
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"Well, don't do that here, Denise, 'cause this is a hospital."
Scrubs
"It's Ed?"
Scrubs
"So, Ed, after you place a central line on that patient,"
Scrubs
"come and find me and let me know whether or not you killed him."
Scrubs
"Great."
Scrubs
"You don't have to do that."
Scrubs
"- Really? - Oh, my God, my first week here,"
Scrubs
"I totally screwed my best friend, J.D., just to look good in rounds."
Scrubs
"Well, not literally screwed. I mean, yes, later, we did it,"
Scrubs
"But we are dating again. Don't tell anyone."
Scrubs
"Got it."
Scrubs
"I just... I used to be a DJ."
Scrubs
"- Wow! - Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis."
Scrubs
"- Right now? - Yeah."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Lesions."
Scrubs
"Anyway, we've just been feeling so positive"
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"Okay? We're gonna run some tests."
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"Throw her a bone so she knows she's growing on you."
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"Denise, call me J.D. Dr. Dorian's my father."
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"Well, was Mr. Dorian. He's dead, Jo. He's never coming back."
Scrubs
"Just a little butch. I like banging dudes. So."
Scrubs
"- or even fungus. - Plus it's hard to look at."
Scrubs
"Grover five."
Scrubs
"this oncologist asked me to assist him with his research"
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"So then he offers it to this other girl, Gina,"
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"You know, at least until we found out"
Scrubs
"Bear claw."
Scrubs
"- Did he say "back in the dizzay"? - No."
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"Perhaps the problem lies within."
Scrubs
"By creating false hatred for others,"
Scrubs
"you don't have to face the fact that you really hate yourself."
Scrubs
"I chill at the food court on the weekend. Donny, I'm out."
Scrubs
"Hey, what are you guys looking at?"
Scrubs
"Thank you."
Scrubs
"Would you do me a favor and consider her"
Scrubs
"Got to go tell Denise."
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"No, it is not just me. He is hateful."
Scrubs
"Oh, sorry, man. I'm listening to The Da Vinci Code on audiobook."
Scrubs
"Okay."
Scrubs
"That was that guy?"
Scrubs
"J.D.: For me, I was just hoping to figure out a way to tell Denise"
Scrubs
"No. I'm straight."
Scrubs
"she barely even reacted."
Scrubs
"That sucks."
Scrubs
"I mean, not me, personally, but I am best friends with his wife"
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"I never really had a shot anyway."
Scrubs
"Maybe you're right."
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"Hey, back to this intern that I hate."
Scrubs
"It's no fun. Nobody ever wins."
Scrubs
"Look, you and I are alike in a lot of ways."
Scrubs
"and the urge to become a master criminal."
Scrubs
"- We don't. - We do."
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"You hate people, and I hate people."
Scrubs
"What nobody gets is that we never hate indiscriminately."
Scrubs
"Plus he's only 25,"
Scrubs
"and earlier I heard him use the phrase, back in the day."
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"Go get him too."
Scrubs
"that her husband doesn't have much longer."
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"She's gonna want us to do whatever we can to keep him alive,"
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"but we both know that putting him on a respirator"
Scrubs
"She's got to learn how to show some compassion."
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"I'm throwing her in the deep end."
Scrubs
"Elmo would love to help."
Scrubs
"Denise, could you come here for a second?"
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"Don't worry, buddy. I'm gonna take care of you."
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"I get it now."
Scrubs
"Yay! She gets it! She gets it!"
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"What is Elmo? A seal?"
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"and then said, "This is for Elliot," then took a nap."
Scrubs
"You're a sexist."
Scrubs
"You ain't moving fast enough, Rhonda."
Scrubs
"That's ridiculous."
Scrubs
"Carla's your wife and Margaret's your mother."
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"I mean, I know what it feels like to get passed over"
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"I didn't wanna do it anyway."
Scrubs
"The only reason I signed up was I have this three-way pen"
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"Looks cool, right?"
Scrubs
"Way to go. Wanna borrow my plunger?"
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"It's the cancer."
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"His body is basically shutting down."
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"He's dying?"
Scrubs
"I'm sorry."
Scrubs
"See. There must be something that you can do."
Scrubs
"Well, we can make him comfortable,"
Scrubs
"So you'll put him on a machine."
Scrubs
"I'm not sure you wanna do that."
Scrubs
"Why? Why wouldn't I wanna do that?"
Scrubs
"we'll probably also have to shove a catheter in his lung"
Scrubs
"and that sort of thing usually leads to an infection and antibiotics,"
Scrubs
"we're still not gonna slow down his cancer."
Scrubs
"so she could get ahead?"
Scrubs
"and Katie was the first intern to sign the sheet."
Scrubs
"See you tomorrow, everybody."
Scrubs
"Syphilis."
Scrubs
"You zwa'd the hell out of me, Dr. Cox. Just like you promised."
Scrubs
"but, trust me, I've never seen an intern"
Scrubs
"with the time to just hang out in a coffee shop."
Scrubs
"that I finally realized why I hate you."
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"You are doing better than most."
Scrubs
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