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Clips from Scrubs - My ABC's (S08E08)

"But if that stops being the case, let me know."
Scrubs
"We always knew this day would come."
Scrubs
"How can I still not be ready?"
Scrubs
"We'll do our best to wake him up so you two can say goodbye."
Scrubs
"Like, "Always play nice.""
Scrubs
"No can do, other Indian guy. About to go get me some pizza."
Scrubs
"Yeah, you're right, he didn't last long at all."
Scrubs
"Didn't expect the waterworks."
Scrubs
"It's gonna be a long year."
Scrubs
"By then he would have suffered way more than he needed to"
Scrubs
"I'll let you think about it."
Scrubs
"The real Jo never would've done that."
Scrubs
"there you have the facts of life."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"J.D.: But he had also won free muffins for life,"
Scrubs
"well, hell, I'll just say it. You're a jackass."
Scrubs
"Aw, man. You and Izzy are here?"
Scrubs
"It's a good one. The letter's J."
Scrubs
"Get out."
Scrubs
"And you, Legally Blonde,"
Scrubs
"Peptic ulcer disease, esophageal varices,"
Scrubs
"or Zollinger-Ellison Syndrome?"
Scrubs
"- That's actually correct. - Yes."
Scrubs
"And if you're wondering why I say "actually,""
Scrubs
"you've proven to be such a vapid, helpless incompetent,"
Scrubs
"that for you to say something correct is a wild departure from the norm."
Scrubs
"Therefore, I decided I had better pick a word"
Scrubs
"that drew attention to the fact that it was such an extraordinary occurrence."
Scrubs
"And I went ahead and chose "actually.""
Scrubs
"Zwa!"
Scrubs
"Who made that noise?"
Scrubs
"I did."
Scrubs
"So I just went, "Zwa.""
Scrubs
"and you didn't know, I would say "zwa.""
Scrubs
"No, 'cause I know the answer. Esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Zwa."
Scrubs
"Good. But mark my words, I will zwa you by the end of the day."
Scrubs
"Now, since the rest of your brains are so tiny,"
Scrubs
"You. Bad doctors. Me. Good doctor. You follow."
Scrubs
"Hey, did you guys hear that they're starting to interview"
Scrubs
"for the new Chief of Medicine?"
Scrubs
"That's right, knuckleheads. There's a new Chief in town."
Scrubs
"That was a mistake."
Scrubs
"And guess what? My eyes never close."
Scrubs
"I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"Patient. Iron high. Heart swollen big."
Scrubs
"You. What make sick?"
Scrubs
"Could it be hemochromatosis?"
Scrubs
"Correct. Rounds over. You go."
Scrubs
"Thoughts on the beard?"
Scrubs
"Of course, I'm totally in favor of anything"
Scrubs
"So, which intern are each of you guys gonna choose this year"
Scrubs
"to be your personal protégé-slash-lackey?"
Scrubs
"I'm going with Katie because she's not a jerk anymore."
Scrubs
"At first I thought I was gonna mentor both Neil and Garrett,"
Scrubs
"because they always ask me to go rollerblading..."
Scrubs
"Let it go. We don't have the time."
Scrubs
"And then I thought, why not pick a woman?"
Scrubs
"Have a little feminine energy in my life."
Scrubs
"You knew that he was gonna say it."
Scrubs
"All right, Denise, I'm going to kick your butt with scut work for a while,"
Scrubs
"still I really want you to be yourself around me."
Scrubs
"Do you really mean that, sir?"
Scrubs
"I mean every word, young miss."
Scrubs
"I mean, I spent four years in med school talking like this"
Scrubs
"who pee their pants every time they're even near a strong woman."
Scrubs
"What in God's name just happened?"
Scrubs
"By the way, how can you stand these scrubs?"
Scrubs
"Mine are so far up my butt right now I can taste them in my throat."
Scrubs
"You know, you don't have to be yourself all the time,"
Scrubs
"just some of the time."
Scrubs
"Sometimes I go by Big Ed."
Scrubs
"Big Ed."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox, I just wanted to tell you I really enjoyed rounds this morning"
Scrubs
"and I'm gonna work harder so you don't just think of me as a..."
Scrubs
"A helpless, vapid, incompetent ass-kisser."
Scrubs
"Actually, I don't remember the ass-kisser part."
Scrubs
"That's 'cause I just added it now."
Scrubs
"That's great. Makes it hurt more."
Scrubs
"Katie."
Scrubs
"I know, it's disgusting."
Scrubs
"You're just under so much pressure. I have been there."
Scrubs
"but that was for totally different reasons."
Scrubs
"Don't bother me, I'm busy."
Scrubs
"I can't make any promises."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox. Got those test results for you, man."
Scrubs
"You were totally right about that old dude in bed four."
Scrubs
"Syphilis."
Scrubs
"Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis."
Scrubs
"Get out of here, Ed."
Scrubs
"Come here."
Scrubs
"Why do I hate that guy?"
Scrubs
"So how long you two been dealing with the lung cancer?"
Scrubs
"Well, Jack's last cycle of chemo was about a year ago"
Scrubs
"and since then there's been no beta symptoms"
Scrubs
"and his last chest-scan showed no new lesions. So..."
Scrubs
"J.D.: Not the time to talk about your beard."
Scrubs
"that we haven't even told our son about the cancer yet."
Scrubs
"Hopefully this is just a minor infection right now."
Scrubs
"He needs a new chest scan right away"
Scrubs
"She really is like having my very own Jo from Facts of Life."
Scrubs
"Actually, he's Mr. Dorian."
Scrubs
"You called me Jo."
Scrubs
"Do you not like that as a new nickname?"
Scrubs
"Seems like it would be a host to a variety of infectious bacteria"
Scrubs
"I recommend it's removed immediately."
Scrubs
"Forget it, you guys. I'm keeping the beard."
Scrubs
"And you've only got it on two percent of your body."
Scrubs
"Hey, what is up, guys? Can somebody give me a high four?"
Scrubs
"Coming at you."
Scrubs
"Near!"
Scrubs
"Far!"
Scrubs
"Come on, buddy, let's go."
Scrubs
"- Hey, was that Dr. Turk? - Yeah, why?"
Scrubs
"because he's gonna pick an intern to do all the medical research"
Scrubs
"on a paper he's publishing."
Scrubs
"So did you put yourself up for that?"
Scrubs
"I'm not exactly super-confident right now."
Scrubs
"Katie, when I was an intern,"
Scrubs
"and I was too intimidated and so I said no."
Scrubs
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