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Clips from The Simpsons - Judge Me Tender (S21E21)

"Uh, the Long Island Iced Teas?"
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"I think you want the gay bar across the street."
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"As an eight-year-old girl in 21st-century America,"
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"I know how it is to feel insecure about your looks."
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"I'd kill for your sense of smell."
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"You have a nice firm handshake."
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"Now let's scoot together."
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"Wow, I can't believe I'm here."
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"The place where magic is made."
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"I really appreciate you showing me around, Simon."
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"Always happy to help the newbies."
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"And how do you like L.A.?"
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"Oh, it's a helluva city."
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"It's like somebody stepped on New York"
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"and scraped it off on the beach."
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"Clever."
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"Slightly nasty."
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"Very impressive."
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"You know, I don't say this often, Moe,"
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"but I actually think you're quite good at this."
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"Oh, well... Oh, nuts."
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"Here come the paparazzi."
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"Homie, I thought you were at that sports bar."
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"Well, that place was for die-hard sports fans."
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"Not guys like me, who are"
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"only fans when their team makes the playoffs."
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"So I decided to take apart the washing machine"
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"to see where that penny I left in my pants went."
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"Well, I am glad you're spending more time with us,"
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"but maybe you should get a plumber to help you with that."
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"They charge you for parts and labor?"
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"Pick one, buddy."
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"I can do this just fine by myself."
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"Don't worry, I got it."
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"At least in hell, the heat still works."
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"Well, I do know something that could occupy his time."
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"A lot of his time."
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"Seen it work with plenty of men my age."
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"Only thing is, you may not get him back."
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"What is it?"
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"Golf."
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"Hey there, neighbor."
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"Golf what is?"
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"Uh, you wanted to see me, Simon?"
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"Moe, as you know,"
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"I can't believe you gave me your home phone number."
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"That's my assistant's work number."
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"Now, Moe, I want to give you a friendly warning--"
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"don't do what I did."
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"Don't become the mean judge."
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"But it's brought you everything a man could want."
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"Uh, I bet you throw out your paper plates"
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"instead of reusing them till the food drops through."
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"That's true. Everything you said is true."
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"I'm lonely, Moe."
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"No one dares to be my friend,"
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"for fear I'll say something nasty."
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"But what we do is just kiddin' around, right?"
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"People know that."
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"Do they?"
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"They've been preparing a bio of you,"
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"Let's have a look."
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"Nasty."
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"Uncouth."
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"We hate you."
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"So does Stu."
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"Wow, I can't believe this, Simon."
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"Simon?"
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"Huh."
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"Was he really here, or was it just my imagination?"
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"I'm here."
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"My black tee shirt makes me blend into the shadows."
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"I'm here, I'm gone."
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"I'm here, I'm gone. I'm here, I'm gone."
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"I'm here. I get it. I get it. That-That's your thing."
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"♪ Happy birthday to... ♪"
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"♪ You! ♪"
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"This is it, Moe--"
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"America's going to learn just what sort of man you are."
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"Okay, Randy, what'd you think of that performance?"
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"A'ight, a'ight, you know what?"
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"I was feelin' that, dawg."
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"But "birth" was definitely a little pitchy."
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"But I gotta tell you something, you worked it out on "day," man."
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"And then when you hit that "to you", dude, that was the bomb."
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"You blew out all the candles, baby."
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"text the number at the bottom of the screen"
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"Giant secret charges may apply. Kara?"
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"I have to admit, I dn't think you could comeack"
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"made Mick Jagger retire from singing rever."
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"But you rocked it."
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"Ellen, what's your "ramble" on this?"
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"Ryan, I don't ramble anymore."
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"I used to think that they were "The Almond Brothe,""
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"which was ol, because I love nuts."
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"Except for filberts, which is weird"
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"because I love Dilbert--"
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"'cause when you're stuck workinin a cubicle,"
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"sometimes you just gotta dance."
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"♪"
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"Now let's hear from the new guy, Moe Szyslak."
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"Uh... Well, let's see here, um.."
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"Don't become the mean judge."
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"Security."
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"Uh, I'm afraid"
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"you're wasting your time on this stage."
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"...because you should be on Broadway"
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"chargin' a hundred bucks a ticket."
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"You're a natural talent."
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"I'm gettin' a little emotional here,"
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"because your voice, it opened up a little part of me"
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"that I thought was closed to truth and beauty forever."
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"If there's a God, I just hope that right now"
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"he's votin' your name on that 8-8-8 line."
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"It was, it was really beautiful."
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"Okay, that's four thumbs up."
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"And finally, because this show now has more judges"
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"than the Supreme Court... Simon, what do you say?"
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"Well, that was a truly a remarkable version of "Happy Birthday.""
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"Because when it was done,"
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