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Clips from The Simpsons - Judge Me Tender (S21E21)

"Judge my baby!"
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"Say something cruel about me!"
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"Would you do my kid's birthday party?"
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"Wow, they love me for my bile."
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"And I got a spleenful!"
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"Hel-lo!"
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"...is what I'll say tomorrow morning!"
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"Moe, you were hilarious."
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"Ah, I was just doin' what comes naturally to me;"
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"being mean to animals."
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"Uh, excuse me, sir."
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"I was wondering if you would judge"
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"an outrageous beard contest I'm in tonight."
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"Well, uh, anyone can get a laugh"
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"at the expense of an ugly dog."
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"That's where the big boys play."
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"Can you make it sound like girls askin' me?"
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"Oh, Moe, please do it! Oh! Please? Moe, please?"
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"Okay, you crazy dames, I'll do it!"
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"Which means this joint is closed for the night."
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"Don't be that way! You kidding me?"
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"You can't close!"
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"I'll have to go home and drink better beer"
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"at half the price in natural lighting!"
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"I didn't want to have to do this."
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"Yeah, that's right! Scatter, ya cockroaches!"
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"Mr. Szyslak, would you like to buy some band candy?"
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"That doesn't work on me."
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"Oh, yeah?"
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"How 'bout this scary face?!"
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"I can see that down deep is a decent man."
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"Fine."
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"Oh, can't a guy rush home from work"
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"to see his beautiful..."
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"Moe's is closed, huh?"
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"Yeah."
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"We can enjoy each others' company."
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"Okay."
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"Mr. Szyslak, you want to buy some band candy?"
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"Even in the thought bubble, I gotta buy band candy?"
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"Looks like you ate"
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"a Rastafarian, and he's comin' back up on ya!"
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"Now looky here."
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"I'm no judge of talent,"
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"And in my judge judgment,"
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"you have a talent fojudging talent."
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"You talk like my ass plays harmonica."
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"You should share"
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"♪ Why can't you be nicer to me? ♪"
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"♪ My pride is dying ♪"
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"♪ I think I'm all done lying, oh... ♪"
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"I didn't see you come in."
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"Well, since Moe's is closed again,"
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"I thought I'd help you cook dinner."
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"but you can keep me company."
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"You know what?"
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"I'll just cook this later."
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"What are we watching?"
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"Uh, I'm gonna go read a book."
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"Huh?"
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"After the title page, it's Bob Dole's memoirs."
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"I've seen better stitching on a baseball glove!"
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"Can I have another corpse?"
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"They weren't corpses."
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"Moe Szyslak?"
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"I'm from U.C.A.A., the Uncreative Artists Agency."
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"We represent some of the biggest stars on TV."
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"Yes, sir. Never been crappier."
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"and you're that mythical creature"
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"you're mean, you're funny and you're not British!"
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"Don't let this pasty face and bad teeth fool ya."
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"Perfect!"
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"So, what kind of reality shows"
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"are we talkin' about here?"
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"Well, to name just a few:"
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"America's Ripest Bananas, So You Think You Can Judge,"
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"American Idol, Dancing With Cars of the Stars,"
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"America's Drunkest Nobody, Let's Make a Veal..."
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"Love that show."
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"Somali Pirate Apprentice."
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"Fix Andy Dick."
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"It's about time."
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"Bottom Chef, My Life On Kathy Griffin,"
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"Pimp My Crypt, Are You Fatter Than a Fifth Grader?"
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"and Grave Robbers of Orange County."
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"Geez, that's, uh, quite a list."
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"Hang on. I'm getting a text."
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"Ooh, those were all just canceled,"
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"Did you just say "Armenian Idol"?"
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"No, no, no, no, no, American Idol."
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"Who's their Egor Glumov?"
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"Randy Jackson."
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"Ah, good enough."
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"Uh, hey, driver, could you put on a song"
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"about California or Los Angeles?"
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"Ah, they all suck."
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"But here's a great one about Alabama!"
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"♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪"
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"♪ Where the skies are so blue ♪"
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"♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪"
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"♪ Lord, I'm coming home to you. ♪"
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"I thought I would do you a huge favor."
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"That's nice."
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"What kind of favor?"
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"I organized the kitchen."
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"I labeled everything with a labelmaker..."
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"and I mixed all the spices together into one super spice!"
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"Hyper!"
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"Wow, Marge,"
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"I can't believe you're taking me to a sports bar."
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"Well, it's been such a blessing having you around the house."
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"Making my life easier, as you so put it."
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"So I thought you deserved a reward."
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"Watching hockey."
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"Watching them pass that puck."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Lacrosse, idiot."
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"Hey, man, can you settle a bet?"
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"What was the greatest XFL team"
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"that never won a championship?"
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