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Clips from South Park - More Crap (S11E11)

"Guinness World Records America. How can I help you?"
South Park
"The biggest crap?"
South Park
"We actually don't keep track of that record, sir."
South Park
"Because we don't want to."
South Park
"Look, we get calls from men all the time"
South Park
"who believe they took the biggest crap"
South Park
"and we simply can't handle all the measuring and verification."
South Park
"You need to call the European Fecal Standards"
South Park
"and Measurements Office in Zurich."
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"Guinness World Records America."
South Park
"Yes, hello. My name is Randy Marsh"
South Park
"and I believe I took the world's biggest crap."
South Park
"and Measurements Office in Zurich."
South Park
"Their number is listed on their website."
South Park
"Herr President, take a look at this."
South Park
"It is a crap sent to us from the United States."
South Park
"Very nice."
South Park
"It appears to be legitimate, based on the photo."
South Park
"Hm, enshnusen?"
South Park
"Verron snusunarich."
South Park
"What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr. Marsh?"
South Park
"Mostly P.F. Chang's. General Tsao's Chicken."
South Park
"And a lot of Aunt Jemima's Frozen Sausage Biscuits in the mornings."
South Park
"Oh yes, I had a lot of kim chee."
South Park
"You have got to be kidding me."
South Park
"These guys are from Zurich, Sharon! They're Europeans!"
South Park
"- It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh. - For the love of God!"
South Park
"Your crap officially weighs 8.6 Courics."
South Park
"Courics?"
South Park
"The standard measuring unit for human feces."
South Park
"One Katie Couric is approximately two and a half pounds of excrement."
South Park
"The current record is a crap weighing 7.5 Courics."
South Park
"- But that means... - That's right."
South Park
"- You are the new world's champion! - Really?"
South Park
"Hey, Stan! Hey, Sharon! Hey, everybody!"
South Park
"and let him know his record has just been broken."
South Park
"He has won twenty-two Grammy's, countless humanitarian awards..."
South Park
"Thank you. Thank you so much for this newest award, it means so much."
South Park
"- Yes? - Yes, Bono."
South Park
"Sir, we wish to inform you"
South Park
"that your record for biggest crap has just been broken."
South Park
"What? That's impossible! How big was it?"
South Park
"We are here to honor the first American..."
South Park
"to bring home the distinguished EFSM medal"
South Park
"Hey look, Sharon, it's the President! Hey, hey, Sharon!"
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"To present the award I give you the dean of the EFSM, Sir Orloff Broloff."
South Park
"Thank you, Senator. For over a hundred years now,"
South Park
"the European Fecal Standards and Meas--"
South Park
"Herr Broloff! Herr Broloff!"
South Park
"Das shpoitenhoff?"
South Park
"Ah ladies and gentlemen,"
South Park
"I understand we have just received"
South Park
"a special video-taped announcement from Bono."
South Park
"Bono? Cool!"
South Park
"Could we play the tape on the big screen, please?"
South Park
"Hello everyone! I am Bono."
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"And today, I have very exciting news."
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"Last night, at twenty past eight, I took a crap weighing nine and a half Courics."
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"As you can see, it is one solid piece. It is my biggest crap to date."
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"And I swear to its authenticity. Thank you, and God bless."
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"You heard it, ladies and gentlemen!"
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"The official biggest crap is 9.5 Courics!"
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"Congratulations to Bono!"
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"Dad, um... I think dinner's almost ready."
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"I almost did it."
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"I almost made something of myself."
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"You know, when you get real close,"
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"I mean, this was something I made!"
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"Something that came from me! That was a a part of me!"
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"- Gee, thanks a lot, Dad. - You're welcome."
South Park
"And I just..."
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"I know that this late in my life,"
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"I'll never come so close to finally having meaning."
South Park
"Come on, guys. Lasagna's ready."
South Park
"Oh. Lasagna's ready."
South Park
"I can see through your sarcasm, Sharon!"
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"- What are you talking about? - You can say it, Sharon!"
South Park
"I know Bono's better than me!"
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"I'm sorry I'm not Bono, all right?"
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"Sorry that I don't have billions of dollars"
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"and a Nobel prize nomination!"
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"- Randy, this is ridiculous. - Oh, that's real mature, Sharon!"
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"Just a big joke! Don't touch me!"
South Park
"All this over what guy took the biggest crap."
South Park
"You don't understand, Mom. You just don't understand."
South Park
"Wha? Wha?"
South Park
"How come they just let that Bono guy send a picture of his crap?"
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"Because he's Bono, that's why."
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"But he could have faked it. It isn't fair!"
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"Oh yes there is! You could do it again."
South Park
"What?"
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"Imagine if you actually worked at it!"
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"Hey. Hey that's right."
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"No. I can't go through all that again. It's too much."
South Park
"Come on, Randy."
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"I'll bet you can crap that big again easy!"
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"It was a fluke crap. I'll never take one that big again!"
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"There's something inside you that made you able to do it!"
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"Randy, you have a gift. Now who knows why God chose you, but he did!"
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"And if you walk away now, you'll always wonder..."
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"how big a crap you could have taken."
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"- I would need a lot of help. - That's what we're here for."
South Park
"Come on, Randy, what do you say?"
South Park
"I say..."
South Park
"This is CNN Headline News."
South Park
"Tonight, a possible attack on Iran..."
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"may mean the beginning of a new war in the Middle East."
South Park
"Oh no."
South Park
"But first, the record for the world's biggest crap, will it again be broken?"
South Park
"Randy Marsh of Colorado is now three weeks"
South Park
"into his quest to make a new crap."
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"Is this really newsworthy?"
South Park
"You just don't understand."
South Park
"You're right. I don't."
South Park
"At the same time, some people are questioning"
South Park
"Bono's current record entry,"
South Park
"saying nobody has ever seen it in person."
South Park
"Bono could not be reached for comment"
South Park
"as he is currently in Africa helping the needy."
South Park
"Hello, hello."
South Park
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