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Clips from Scrubs - My Cookie Pants (S08E08)

"I didn't go. I don't want the job."
Scrubs
"J.D.: Or a question you wish you didn't know the answer to."
Scrubs
"J.D.: For Jo, it was just gonna be a good, old-fashioned verbal beat-down."
Scrubs
"but I promise you, you are gonna regret this mistake for the rest of your..."
Scrubs
"Sorry to interrupt."
Scrubs
"Jo, I'm sorry."
Scrubs
"God, I'm a good apologizer."
Scrubs
"From now on, I'm gonna stop riding you and let Jo be Jo. Sound good?"
Scrubs
"No. Sounds great."
Scrubs
"He said, "Janitor, every time an angry woman storms out,"
Scrubs
"What are you doing?"
Scrubs
"I'm introducing myself. Because, clearly,"
Scrubs
"That pansy-assed little tattletale."
Scrubs
"Bob, so help me God, you fix this, or I will grab you by your muffin top"
Scrubs
"and stomp on your withering man-parts until your eyes pop out."
Scrubs
"Twenty years ago I would have thrown you on this table"
Scrubs
"and made love to you right here."
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"And I would have loved it!"
Scrubs
"Ooh! What if I dripped hot candle wax on his chest?"
Scrubs
"No. Tina Two-Kids tried it and burned off his treasure trail."
Scrubs
"Okay, okay. Let's just keep spit-balling. What if I strangle him a little?"
Scrubs
"Matter of fact, I don't want to talk about this anymore, all right? I'm out."
Scrubs
"Angry woman out."
Scrubs
"Damn it!"
Scrubs
"You better not be making me one of your stupid Janitor jokes."
Scrubs
"Hey, I'm glad I found you."
Scrubs
"I need your approval to cut down some lollipop trees"
Scrubs
"- outside the Sea-Monkey hut. - What are you talking about?"
Scrubs
"These decisions have to go through you"
Scrubs
"because you're the Mayor of Crazytown."
Scrubs
"Okay, fine, but you're supposed to be working,"
Scrubs
"so would you mind checking the patient in bed six for dementia?"
Scrubs
"I know. I think you're crazy. It was a two-fer. Pow-pow."
Scrubs
"You're aware I could kick your ass, right?"
Scrubs
"I'm sure I'd get in some slaps."
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"Look, I know I'm horrible with patients."
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"and now you're not gonna push me anymore to be better?"
Scrubs
"Okay, you're not the Mayor of Crazytown, you're the Emperor."
Scrubs
"At least when you gave me crap I knew you were trying to help."
Scrubs
"But now you're just giving up on me?"
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"What do you care? You don't even listen to me."
Scrubs
"What? I've been busting my ass trying to be more caring with the patients."
Scrubs
"Remember when Mr. Lawton was uncomfortable?"
Scrubs
"- That must have been so hard for you. - Yeah, I'm still mad thinking about it."
Scrubs
"- What's with the yarn? - I'm gonna use it later."
Scrubs
"Yeah, she mentioned that before. It's disturbing."
Scrubs
"Why aren't you taking the job, Perry?"
Scrubs
"- And I don't want to be miserable. - You love being miserable."
Scrubs
"- I don't want everyone to hate me. - Everybody already hates you."
Scrubs
"You wanna know the real reason why you don't want the gig, champ?"
Scrubs
"- Because you're a fraidy-cat. - Beg your pardon?"
Scrubs
"- Don't push me, Bob. - You're right. I'm sorry."
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"Yeah, I told you I was gonna use it later."
Scrubs
"No. Look, I don't care that I'm not that feminine."
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"I still look rocking hot when I'm naked so I can get it whenever I want it."
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"- Okay, now that was feminine. - Shut up."
Scrubs
"I became a doctor because I love the nuts and bolts of it all."
Scrubs
"Like that woman over there? I am fascinated by the way"
Scrubs
"her heart pumps blood through her body like a machine."
Scrubs
"The way her axons are covered in a thin layer of myelin,"
Scrubs
"like an insulated electrical wire."
Scrubs
"But tell me to empathize with her, to be totally open and vulnerable?"
Scrubs
"No, I can't even do that with my own family, let alone a total stranger."
Scrubs
"I'm not sure I can get past that."
Scrubs
"What makes you think you're so special?"
Scrubs
"Every doctor in this place has flaws"
Scrubs
"they've been dealing with since they were a little kid."
Scrubs
"Hell, the guy who taught me is constantly getting in his own way."
Scrubs
"Who needs a promotion anyway?"
Scrubs
"I'm dating a girl who's always fighting her own neuroses."
Scrubs
"Come on, Turk! Talk to me!"
Scrubs
"And you saw my biggest flaw in action today."
Scrubs
"I was willing to let a patient I liked go without an endoscopy"
Scrubs
"because I wanted to spare him a painful procedure."
Scrubs
"Sometimes I care a little too much."
Scrubs
"And so does your cold, bitchy thing."
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"It'll protect you from letting all this stuff weigh you down."
Scrubs
"- Do you remember his name? - No. Not even a little bit."
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"Jack Fremont."
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"You're so in touch with your emotions, and I can't really get to mine."
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"Not really getting that simile, Jo, but if it works for you, awesome."
Scrubs
"You're gonna do this on your own."
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"Elliot, Todd and I are in the middle of teaching our interns"
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"I just want things to be different with J.D. This time, to be better."
Scrubs
"You wanna know what's so special about Carla and me?"
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"Turk!"
Scrubs
"It's kind of like being really drunk, only in a very sad way."
Scrubs
"More than comfy shoes and a warm place to crap."
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"- Yeah. - But you're gonna take this job."
Scrubs
"but mostly because, if you don't, I will always remind you"
Scrubs
"that you are a sac-less little fraidy-cat."
Scrubs
"I had to tell you the truth to prepare you."
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"If I'd fluffed it up, you would have tortured me forever."
Scrubs
"So you really think I'm the man for the job?"
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
Scrubs
"- Too fast, Bob. - Yeah, I knew when I said it."
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"Look, the nurse said that Mr. Lawton's having"
Scrubs
"- Lf he cries, I'm gonna hit him. - Don't mess it up."
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"What the hell is happening?"
Scrubs
"Still too soon?"
Scrubs
"I can't imagine what it's like to have cancer,"
Scrubs
"J.D.: Others might finally be able to stop trying so hard"
Scrubs
"Especially in cookie pants."
Scrubs
"That one's for you, Pop-Pop."
Scrubs
"He's not dead. He's upstairs. Dying."
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"- J.D.: Is he a patient here? - Yeah. He's in the psych ward."
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"He says he's an owl, but I can't believe a word he hoots."
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"That one's for you, Grandpa."
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"He's not dead. He's on the roof."
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"He thinks he's a mountain lion."
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"He said, "Janitor, don't marry a German. They have monkey feet.""
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"You're just holding your hand to your ear."
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"Still no Chief of Medicine, huh?"
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"Why did you put my piano mat here?"
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"Worth it."
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"I'm no Superman"
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"I think we should do it right now."
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"- What was that, sweetheart? - A giant buzzkill."
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"Chronic heart disease. Buzzkill."
Scrubs
"They're offering me the Chief of Medicine job."
Scrubs
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