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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Jerusalem Duality (S01E01)

"- Hey. - Hey."
The Big Bang Theory
"I've decided you're right."
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"- My career is not over. - Great."
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"But since Dennis Kim has rendered my research pointless..."
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"...I just have to find something else to focus on."
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"Great."
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"Great."
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"So, what exactly is it you do?"
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"I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention."
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"Right now, I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component..."
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"...of cosmic radiation at sea level, but I don't need help."
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"Oh, sure you do."
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"Now see, what's this here in the schematic, a laser array?"
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"- Yes. - Now, hmm...."
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"What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium-neon?"
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"- lt would blow up. - Are you sure?"
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"- Pretty sure. - "Pretty sure" is not very scientific."
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"Is this how you normally work? Just hunches and guesses and stuff?"
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"Okay."
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"I understand that you're going through a bit of a career crisis."
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"You're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive."
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"But I need to tell you something, and listen carefully."
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"- All right. - Go away."
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"If you're concerned about sharing credit with me, your name can go first-- I'm going."
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"It's a small brown paper bag, Ma."
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"I'm looking at it right now."
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"Why would I make that up? There's no Ding Dong in it."
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"How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow gonna help me today?"
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"So this is Engineering, huh?"
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"I'll talk to you later."
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"Engineering, where the noble semiskilled laborers..."
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"...execute the vision of those who think and dream."
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"Hello, Oompa Loompas of science."
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"Sheldon, what are you doing here?"
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"I just came by to say hello."
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"For three years, you've never come by to say hello."
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"Well, up until now, I've had better things to do."
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"A small payload support structure for a European science experimental package..."
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"- ...that's going up on the next space shuttle. - Really? How does it work?"
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"It will be attached to the payload bay..."
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"...and the sensor apparatus will rest on it."
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"Ah-ha."
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"So it's a shelf."
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"During acceleration, it needs to stay perfectly level and provide--"
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"Yeah, okay, it's a shelf."
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"I notice you're using titanium."
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"Did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes?"
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"They're lighter, cheaper and have twice the tensile strength."
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"Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a master's in engineering."
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"And you also have a note from your mother that says, "l love you, Bubula.""
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"But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes."
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"- Sheldon. - Yes?"
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"Go away."
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"Did Leonard tell you to say that?"
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"No, I thought of it all by myself."
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"Huh? Can't be a coincidence."
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"There must be some causal link I'm missing."
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"Go away."
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"Curiouser and curiouser."
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"- ls he here? - lf he were, I wouldn't be."
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"You know what he did? He watched me work..."
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"...and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me."
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"Is that even possible?"
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"As it turns out, yes."
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"- Something's gotta be done about him. - Like what?"
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"He'll never cope with the fact that some 1 5-year-old is smarter..."
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"...and more accomplished than he is."
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"What if something were to happen to him so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?"
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"Then our problem would be solved."
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"Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim?"
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"I'm not saying no."
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"We don't have to go that far. There are other means."
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"We can't send him back to North Korea."
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"He knows how to get out."
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"It won't happen. He is not interested in anything but physics."
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"- What about biology? - What?"
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"You know, biology."
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"The one thing that can completely derail a world-class mind."
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"- Howard, he's 15. - Yeah, so?"
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"When I was 15, I met Denise Palmeri..."
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"...and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8."
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"She was sleeping with you?"
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"No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did."
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"Oh, good, you're all here."
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"I've decided that if the three of you drop whatever you're working on and join me..."
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"...we could lick cold fusion in less than a decade, 12 years tops."
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"Go away?"
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"Hmm."
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"Could it be me?"
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"Hey, guys, what's up?"
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"- What? - Howard, that's racist."
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"Any 1 5-year-old girl will do the trick."
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"It's possible she may have misunderstood us."
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"- Dr. Cooper. Oh, are we interrupting? - No, no, please come in."
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"I think you'll appreciate this. This is very exciting."
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"- What are you working on? - Something remarkable."
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"Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in Physics have disappeared-- Thank you."
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"...to win the Nobel Peace Prize."
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"Look, I'm going to solve the Middle East crisis..."
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"...by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert."
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"To what end?"
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"You know, it's like the baseball movie. "Build it and they will come.""
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"Who will come?"
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"The Jewish people."
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"What if they don't come?"
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"We'll make it nice, put out a spread."
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"Okay, well, speaking of spreads..."
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"...we're having a welcoming party this afternoon for Mr. Kim..."
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"- ...who's agreed to join us at the university. - Of course he has."
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"The oracle told us little Neo was the one."
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"Okay, well, obviously, you're very busy with your, ah, um...."
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"Come, Dennis."
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"You'll have to excuse Dr. Cooper. He's been under a lot of, um...."
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"He's nuts."
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"They'll come, they'll settle And I'll win the prize"
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"I don't understand your objections, Professor Goldfarb."
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"Why wouldn't the Sonora Desert make a perfectly good Promised Land?"
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"Go away."
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"We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem."
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"Please go away."
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