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Clips from South Park - The Red Badge of Gayness (S03E03)

"- Hello, Baltimore! - Cartman, what the hell are you doing?"
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"Hey! You can't just hit a drum, you have to beat the... out of it."
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"- Your flute-playing sucks! - That's it, Cartman."
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"- You're not gonna get it by tomorrow! - Yes, I will!"
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"Does Cleveland like to rock? God damn it, yeah!"
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"- What? - Give me the drum,"
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"and I say you play the flute."
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"We just have a few things to go over"
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"First of all, I have great news. There are over 200 folks from around the state"
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"that have come to see this year's re-enactment"
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"let's bring up our master historian, Grandpa Marvin Marsh,"
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"re-enactment of 1924."
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"Wow, dude, your grandpa still isn't dead?"
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"- Dude, that's not cool. - Good morning, gentlemen."
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"Screw you guys, home."
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"dressed up like General Lee, fat-ass!"
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"- They lose the war! - The South is gonna win!"
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"And if the North wins you're our slave for a month?"
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"It's gonna be rad having Cartman be our slave!"
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"of the battle of Tamarack Hill."
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"The men in grey are the Confederacy from the South."
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"In the blue, the Union from the North."
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"It was a cold morning in 1862."
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"Forward!"
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"Let's bring those Confederate bastards down!"
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"Fire!"
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"Hey, I shot you, Ned! You have to fall down!"
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"Long live the Confederacy!"
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"- Hooray for the South! - Cartman! You can't do that!"
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"All righty, everyone, we're going to do the entire re-enactment again"
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"because of some confusion over the bell."
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"- capture the bell this time. - But why? Why should they get the bell?"
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"to our families and say, "We did it!"
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"and when we stand tall upon it, we hold our heads high and we yell,"
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""Not this year! This year belongs to the Confederacy!""
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"have had to spend the evening being ridiculed"
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"and made fun of by the Union re-enactors. Well, I'm sick of it!"
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"Yeah, why do we have to be their bitches every year?"
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"What are they doing?"
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"You Yankee sons of bitches!"
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"God damn it, what the hell are they doing?"
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"- The South wins? - The South wins!"
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"God damn it."
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"Come on, Randy, have some s'more schnapps!"
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"that the South doesn't win the war, and the South still didn't win the war, dip...!"
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"Yeah, too bad you're such a dumb-ass at history or you would have known that!"
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"The Confederates would have whupped ass in Topeka, too."
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"I'll bet we could take Topeka right now and prove them all wrong!"
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"I bet we could!"
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"Let's see. Yes, I remember. If the South wins,"
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"They're just drunk, Cartman. As soon as they sober up, they'll stop!"
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"Come, Kenny. Come fight for us"
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"Charge!"
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"These are blanks, but they still hurt like hell!"
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"We've taken Topeka!"
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"I guess it would be at the liquor store."
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"Excuse me."
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"Butters? Are you the only one that came back?"
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"I have a message for you from the battlefield."
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"What battlefield?"
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"It's probably the most fun I've had in several months."
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"Well, you gonna read your message or not?"
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"Dear guys, words cannot express how much I hate you guys."
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"Dude, what if Cartman really does succeed,"
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"and we really do have to be his slaves?"
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"I'll go get my grandpa, he'll help us."
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"I ain't supposed to tell you that."
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"and right-wing radical Jimbo Kern,"
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"Get me some more s'more schnapps, I'm gonna be sick."
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"- Oh boy, this is worse than I thought. - Well, come on, Billy,"
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"we gotta make these little peckers stop before they get themselves killed!"
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"They say we can either fight them or join them."
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"Well, I'm joining them. Those blanks hurt!"
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"Dad! Dad!"
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"- Mom wants you to come home! - Not now, Stan. I'm pillaging."
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"If the South wins, me and Stan have to be Cartman's slaves!"
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"- Whoops. - Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!"
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"We can't fire at them, sir. There are too many children."
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"Dear Ms McCormick, it is with a very heavy heart"
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"This war has taken something from all of us, and although your son appears"
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"Yours, General Cartman Lee."
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"We take the s'more schnapps, and by morning they'll all wanna go home."
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"Where did the Confederates go, son?"
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"Well, I guess to Fort Sumter in South Carolina."
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"What the... Hey, where's the s'more schnapps?"
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"Ned, I think I can say without any doubt"
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"Oh."
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"Oh, my head."
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"- Come on. - We can't go home!"
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"No! What about the Confederacy? What about freedom?"
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"Ha ha! You lose, fat-ass!"
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"Yeah, but you know, I think you've learned something today."
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"Oh, come on, guys, just one little drink."
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"A toast, to how far you came and all that you saw."
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"Well, I guess one little cheers is in order."
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"We just run around in circles and try to grab each other's asses!"
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"- Oh, no. - We'll never stop them now!"
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"Throughout 1861, the Confederate authorities tried to drive out"
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"to the Confederates, so Jefferson Davis decided to take action."
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"- Take the fort! - Charge!"
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"Attention, political activists."
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"for recruits. Some re-enforcements are bound to show up!"
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"All right, that does it! Blow the whole thing up!"
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"Wow! Look at that! The entire state of South Carolina showed up!"
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"- Oh, damn it! - We're ready to fight with you!"
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"Now our numbers are truly great! It is time!"
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"All right, government!"
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"You can't ignore our anguished cries any more! You hear that, government?"
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"- Oh, boy, this doesn't look good. - It's just like the Million Man March,"
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"What? Sir, there's not that many of them!"
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"Sir."
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"I'm so glad I don't have your job."
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"that we have to be Cartman's slaves."
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"But we've tried everything, Grandpa. What else can we do?"
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"Hey. Who's that?"
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"Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln. President of the United States."
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"Hey, come on, we should take a tour"
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"Yeah, and now you can take that stupid beard off!"
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"I want to commend you for stopping the rebel uprising."
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"- Don't touch me. - Well, Cartman. The South lost."
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