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Clips from The Simpsons - The Blue and the Gray (S22E22)

"Uh, what's a wingman?"
The Simpsons
"A wingman is a friend... Whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"You need someone who's secretly on your side,"
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"making you look good to women."
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"But he can't more handsome or appealing than you. Okay,"
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"let's take a flip through the old Moe-lodex."
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"Ooh."
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"Bingo. That was a weird day."
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"Sir, would you be my wingman?"
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"at the "Faculty Follies" after-party."
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"One thing-- what if there's a woman we both like?"
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"Well, we'll use the time-honored "I saw her first" rule."
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"What if I see her hand at the same time you see her face?"
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"Face beats hand!"
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"So, after dinner I cut his hair,"
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"and he readjusted my mortgage."
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"That's what he does."
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"And how was your Valentine's Day?"
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"Very romantic."
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"Homer had the basketball game muted the whole time."
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"Mmm."
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"Marge, it's time I told you the truth."
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"You've been grayer than a Seattle Cinco de Mayo"
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"for years now."
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"Yes, the dye not only colors your hair,"
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"but the fumes wipe the experience from your mind."
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"Jimothy, Aquanetta,"
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"is touch-up time!"
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"Let's go! Crinkle, crinkle!"
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"Whoa! Whoa!"
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"Oh, Janis, I'm so sorry."
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"It's a battle of the Blue and Gray here,"
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"and I am Gaybraham Lincoln, baby."
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"Oh, that's okay. I only needed a touch-up."
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"My husband and I can use the time"
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"to take a long, romantic walk."
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"Hmm, she doesn't seem so worried about her gray hair."
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"Oh, her self-confidence doesn't come from a bottle."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"A little of that."
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"Mix it up."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"Hmm."
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"I brought home fried chicken."
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"And a completely new hairstyle."
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"A completely new hairstyle."
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"She wants an honest answer. What do we do?"
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"I don't know. I don't know!"
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"We could fake a stroke."
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"The last time we faked a stroke,"
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"it led to a real one."
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"We're running out of time, people."
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"We need an answer, and it has to be great!"
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"So... chicken."
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"Hmm."
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"Well, what do you kids think of the real me? Huh?"
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"I love it."
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"I know I use the word "empowering" a lot,"
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"but this time, it really is that."
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"I just have one question about hair."
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"Where does mine start?"
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"Head, head, head, hair."
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"Where's the border?"
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"Oh, my God. Me, too!"
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"What are we?"
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"What do you think, Homie?"
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"Sweetie, you've always been beautiful,"
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"but now you're my silver belle."
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"Let me get the camera we use for precious moments"
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"and insurance claims."
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"What has she done?"
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"I feel like I'm married to Richard Gere."
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"I can't talk now. I'm talking to myself."
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"No, no, Homer. Go ahead."
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"Thanks, Homer. It'll just ba a minute."
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"What's up? Hey, wingman,"
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"you're supposed to be here like you promised."
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"Oh, thank you, prior obligation."
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"I can't take it."
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"I'm just going to draw a hairline on."
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"So, basically,"
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"my job is to make you look good by comparison."
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"Like West Virginia does for Virginia."
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"The good doctor has just the prescription."
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""Jumping on the Grenade:""
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"the wingman engages the less attractive friend,"
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"isolating the target. Voop!"
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"You ever notice that pizzas have gotten so small lately?"
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"They're like dimes."
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"Yes, that's exactly it!"
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"Well, a girl could starve to death!"
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"Wow, your friend did something I could never do."
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"What's that?"
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"Walk away from you."
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""Taking Down a Rival," aka "Talk Blocking.""
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"So, Lenny, ever get that rebar out of your head?"
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"No, they just sawed off the ends"
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"Hey, where you going, baby?"
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"Oh, no, you don't."
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"Would you be willing to wingman for me?"
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"Well, I don't know. It's a lot of work."
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"Oh, I just ordered this bottomless pitcher of beer"
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"and circumference-less platter of nachos."
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"Deal!"
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"Need some cooling down, hot stuff?"
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"Okay, just imagine she's a Bond girl."
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"Oh! Judi Dench?!"
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"Kiss me, 007."
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"Good show,"
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"Mr. Bond."
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"Help! My macaroni Marconi!"
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"Hmm?"
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"Bart, what happened to your Mom's hair?"
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"Did she see something scary like that vampire on Sesame Street?"
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"They should warn you when he's coming."
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"I don't want to talk about my Mom's hair."
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"Right. It's just weird."
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"Normally, I think your mom is hot..."
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"Take that back! I'm sorry."
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"What I mean is, she's not hot anymore."
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