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Clips from Scrubs - My Rite of Passage (S05E05)

"at my son's big gay wedding."
Scrubs
"# I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"[chuckling]"
Scrubs
"How many janitors does it take to change a light bulb? Two."
Scrubs
"- And you are not funny. - I'm very funny."
Scrubs
"I bet nobody laughed, but you didn't notice"
Scrubs
"when you think you're being funny."
Scrubs
"[Continues chuckling]"
Scrubs
"Anyhoo, have a good one, Lurch."
Scrubs
"And that meant one thing:"
Scrubs
"75 hungry employees, and one bottle of ketchup."
Scrubs
"- Got the ketchup. - And here is your burger."
Scrubs
"Oh, frick, I forgot my burger!"
Scrubs
"- No, she didn't. - [Both laughing]"
Scrubs
"She doesn't want you guys embarrassing her."
Scrubs
"Oh, maybe by diagnosing all your female patients with "Turk fever"?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, I think I've made my point."
Scrubs
"So tell me something, Carla, has she invited you to her new hospital, hmm?"
Scrubs
"Daphne, ketchup!"
Scrubs
"Jordan, you have to make other friends in this place."
Scrubs
"The only respite I get is when we're making love"
Scrubs
"- I gotta go talk to my boys. - And I have to go talk to Elliot."
Scrubs
"The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top,"
Scrubs
"My boys need the ketchup!"
Scrubs
"That's a lot of boys. Rex gets first dibs"
Scrubs
"We were having Mexican food, drinking margaritas..."
Scrubs
"We were at this tiny little ATM machine..."
Scrubs
"- Hnn-hnn? - Fft-fft."
Scrubs
"- I think that blonde girl just farted. - [Sighs]"
Scrubs
"Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts."
Scrubs
"Sloppy's bigger than Mr. Snuggles."
Scrubs
"Guess they all had someplace to be."
Scrubs
"Hey! If you feel like talking, I've got a dandy conversation starter."
Scrubs
"I have had someone else's fingers in four, count 'em, four,"
Scrubs
"Oh, must be your birthday."
Scrubs
"OK, gang, I'll meet you up in Radiology to talk about Mr. Heath's CAT scan."
Scrubs
"His tumor's getting so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor"!"
Scrubs
"Yes. And you're a terrible teacher. I'm not prepared to operate on anyone."
Scrubs
"Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they all laugh?"
Scrubs
"Everybody kisses the ass of the person above them."
Scrubs
"I was going to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart."
Scrubs
"I was gonna be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients."
Scrubs
"You get it now? Your relationship with your interns is a sham."
Scrubs
"- How do I know that guy? - Maybe you used to date him?"
Scrubs
"I have a little girl. I don't get to see her often enough."
Scrubs
"See, I don't know, a few years ago I had a little business problem."
Scrubs
"- What was your business? - Import-export."
Scrubs
"Sorry, that's a little smile I get when I'm silently judging someone."
Scrubs
"and I'm not really sure that I can fly out and make it."
Scrubs
"It's... it's hard to get a job, you know?"
Scrubs
"- Sam, I am so sorry. - Yeah..."
Scrubs
"I know who he is!"
Scrubs
"- One little problem... - Oh, my God! Just give me the drugs!"
Scrubs
"The Janitor was wrong."
Scrubs
"My interns weren't laughing at my jokes because I'm their boss!"
Scrubs
"It made me think about how some people don't wanna just open the door,"
Scrubs
"Why did you come here, Carla?"
Scrubs
"You're mad at me? Why didn't you want me to come to your job?"
Scrubs
"Hey, Bankfarter! If you want, we're all going down for lunch."
Scrubs
"After all, the truth can reveal the ugliest part of people."
Scrubs
"That guy has conned damn near everyone in this hospital. We've gotta warn her."
Scrubs
"She wanted to work here. Let her see what it's like to work here!"
Scrubs
"And for God's sake, will you be a man?!"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] As for me, I already knew exactly what the truth was."
Scrubs
"How funny is this joke?"
Scrubs
"That patient's tumor is so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor.""
Scrubs
""Threemor"! You are hilarious, Dr. D!"
Scrubs
"Awful. Awful!"
Scrubs
"Awful."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] OK, be cool. They're just kids."
Scrubs
"OK, guys, let's talk for a second as equals. All right?"
Scrubs
"We are in a hospital, man."
Scrubs
"OK, we're off the property. Now let's talk."
Scrubs
"- Shouldn't we wait for Gloria? - Coming!"
Scrubs
"We'll catch her up later. Have you guys been fake-laughing at my jokes?"
Scrubs
"Be honest. I promise, absolutely no ramifications."
Scrubs
"We've been kind of fake-laughing."
Scrubs
"I hope you die a violent death and bugs eat your corpse."
Scrubs
"Look, your jokes kind of suck, and when I laugh, you pick me to do procedures."
Scrubs
"Unbelievable. From now on, there is absolutely no laughing at my jokes"
Scrubs
"Talk about your Mission: Impossibles."
Scrubs
"Case closed."
Scrubs
"What is it with you and costumes?"
Scrubs
"Look, Carla, I didn't want you to come here because, well..."
Scrubs
"Look, there's so much great about you."
Scrubs
"you've shattered my preconceived notions about Chicanos!"
Scrubs
"So? I'm interested in people's stories!"
Scrubs
"Thanks to you, for the rest of my career I have the worst nickname!"
Scrubs
"Bankfarter's not so bad. It sounds German."
Scrubs
"Hey, Bankfarter, did you hear? Charlie found a successful gene therapy for O.I."
Scrubs
"How did he have time when he was torturing me?"
Scrubs
"Jealousy's an ugly color, Bankfarter."
Scrubs
"Anyway, we're discontinuing your fellowship."
Scrubs
"Frick. Frick, frick, frick, frick, frickety-frick-frick-frick."
Scrubs
"Frick..."
Scrubs
"I'm not sure how people go about doing nice things..."
Scrubs
"Come on. I can't even Botox an ear with this."
Scrubs
"Because nobody, but nobody, cries like Sammy."
Scrubs
"He leads off with the chin quiver."
Scrubs
"Then he goes right to the look-away."
Scrubs
"And then finally, he squeezes out one single... tear."
Scrubs
"Ladies and gentlemen, that is quality Crack Addict Theater!"
Scrubs
"I can't watch this."
Scrubs
"Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable."
Scrubs
"Remove your blindfolds, please."
Scrubs
"See your death."
Scrubs
"[Chattering]"
Scrubs
"Hey! Why don't you guys go upstairs and do some work?"
Scrubs
"OK, enough waving. You wave too much. You abuse waving. Go."
Scrubs
"I can feel your hatred like a cool spring breeze."
Scrubs
"- I can't believe I don't have a job! - Is that even yours?"
Scrubs
"I need your support right now, Carla!"
Scrubs
"Carla, you cannot tell Turk and J.D. About this until I get back on my feet."
Scrubs
"Seriously, if you tell, I will never trust you again with anything."
Scrubs
"- Where've you been? - Nowhere!"
Scrubs
"- What're you doing? - Nothing!"
Scrubs
"- How's Blonde Doctor? - Jeez!"
Scrubs
"My God, you got that saliva on your lip that says you know something juicy!"
Scrubs
"- No, I don't. - Here it comes!"
Scrubs
"[Turk] Yes!"
Scrubs
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