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Clips from Scrubs - My Rite of Passage (S05E05)

"Import heroin into my bloodstream,"
Scrubs
"I would export vomit and urine into whatever alley would have me as a guest."
Scrubs
"The thing is, it's Jenny's sixth birthday on Monday,"
Scrubs
"Money's tight, I've got hospital bills that I can't pay."
Scrubs
"For God's sake, I've been working you from every angle!"
Scrubs
"That's the junkie who conned Elliot into giving him meds!"
Scrubs
"It just got interesting, people!"
Scrubs
"You tell me."
Scrubs
"Plus, my best friend was always around to back me up."
Scrubs
"Seriously, I'm taking off my stethoscope and my little name tag."
Scrubs
"You're a bit of a gossip."
Scrubs
"...but here. You should be there for your daughter's birthday."
Scrubs
"I can't take that."
Scrubs
"He tries to hold it back but he just can't because there's too much pain!"
Scrubs
"This is a little trust exercise that I really think's gonna connect us again."
Scrubs
"See your death. See your death."
Scrubs
"Why? They'll feel bad for you."
Scrubs
"- What's the dish? - I gotta go."
Scrubs
"- Nice to see you, sir. - You as well."
Scrubs
"Turkelton? You've dealt with him before."
Scrubs
"I love you too!"
Scrubs
"Ah. Coolio!"
Scrubs
"We were gonna do Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor Has a Fresca,"
Scrubs
"I wasn't sure if you wanted to give him more money"
Scrubs
"or skip the middleman and actually give him narcotics."
Scrubs
"When I first started, I lent my car to a patient to go pick up her kids."
Scrubs
"From now on, he's only gonna use my credit card for emergencies."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] I think it's always easier to be a jerk than a good guy."
Scrubs
"Did we do something wrong, Dr. Dorian?"
Scrubs
"You guys are fine. You're doing a good job."
Scrubs
"Still, good guy or not,"
Scrubs
"there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy the perks."
Scrubs
"You know what, I want the laughter back!"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] You can deal with anything,"
Scrubs
"I can't imagine what it would be like if I were all on my own."
Scrubs
"Turk, I'm gonna go get some coffee. Want one?"
Scrubs
"Dude! Oh, God!"
Scrubs
"[Panting] So, what did you want me to get you?"
Scrubs
"There's a guy waiting to have his spleen removed!"
Scrubs
"My favorite part is when you said, "Screw her!" and stormed out!"
Scrubs
"I'm gonna put Plexiglas down the middle of the car"
Scrubs
"Unfortunately, your door handle doesn't work from the inside,"
Scrubs
"Jorderoo?"
Scrubs
"Hello?"
Scrubs
"I'm in here! You can't see me!"
Scrubs
"Charlie, her co-fellow."
Scrubs
"Wanna work on osteogenesis imperfecta therapy with me?"
Scrubs
"I'll tell you the same thing I told you when you popped out of that HAZMAT bin:"
Scrubs
"Take a shower, man."
Scrubs
"That is an intern in a bald cap."
Scrubs
"Except for Mr. Woodson in 302. He's got that rectal tear..."
Scrubs
"We even built a house for the homeless."
Scrubs
"but they're in a timeout because one of them used the phrase,"
Scrubs
"Sir, I'd love to chat, but it's already eight. I gotta rock and roll."
Scrubs
"- I'm an attending! - Tell it to the wall, Newbie!"
Scrubs
"- The answer's two. - What?"
Scrubs
"That doesn't make any sense. Hank's an electrician."
Scrubs
"'cause you were doing that self-laugh you do"
Scrubs
"She never invites us to her hospital."
Scrubs
"- A lot of women suffer from that. - It's true. I even had it."
Scrubs
"Or that stupid Siamese twin thing you do?"
Scrubs
"- Here it is. - [Growls]"
Scrubs
"Mmm. That's headed right to our joint colon!"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Victory sip!"
Scrubs
"and I pretend you're someone else."
Scrubs
"Yeah, I usually pretend we're doing something else."
Scrubs
"So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip:"
Scrubs
"Oh, and he was choking me. Oh, it was so good."
Scrubs
"OK, I'm just gonna..."
Scrubs
"because I opened his chest with a buzz saw."
Scrubs
"I was thinking I'd come by and visit you tomorrow."
Scrubs
"but we'll definitely do it sometime, you know, in the future."
Scrubs
"Carla? What are you doing here?"
Scrubs
"Hey. Let me finish telling them this story."
Scrubs
"Oh."
Scrubs
"Go for it. There's guys here. They'll never think it was you."
Scrubs
"[Tiny squeak]"
Scrubs
"- Remember that, Elliot? - Yeah, I remember. Ha-ha."
Scrubs
"Hey! They have names."
Scrubs
"Tina, Marge, Sloppy and Mr. Snuggles."
Scrubs
"- What are you guys talking about? - Oh, we were just..."
Scrubs
"- Just go! - OK!"
Scrubs
"Not funny."
Scrubs
"I was going to be a psychiatrist, but I was a-Freud."
Scrubs
"I was gonna be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough."
Scrubs
"That's funny."
Scrubs
"You know, I was gonna have her bring you some chicken, but it was fowl!"
Scrubs
"I know."
Scrubs
"- Tell me about your kid. - Oh, how'd you know I was a mom?"
Scrubs
"As a parent, I can read the signs, you know?"
Scrubs
"Let us not forget the understated coffee mug we're carrying."
Scrubs
"Oh, that's so clever. I'm gay. Wow, that's good."
Scrubs
"I'm tired. Maybe he is from the International Pretentious Association,"
Scrubs
"and he's here to remove your goatee."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] The perfect setup to a joke, but no one's around to hear!"
Scrubs
"[Screams] No! Dude!"
Scrubs
"A small one-pump mocha?"
Scrubs
"I know. I was leafing through a magazine"
Scrubs
"and watching you on the security cameras."
Scrubs
"But then you came back 'cause you realized I have the keys."
Scrubs
"Jordan, now that you work here every day, if the carpool torturing persists,"
Scrubs
"so you can't drive me crazy. You can't, you can't."
Scrubs
"which simply means that if we're in a fiery crash,"
Scrubs
"you won't be able to get out."
Scrubs
"However, that's a risk I'm sure willing to take."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Not everyone was in hell at theirjob."
Scrubs
"There was only one thing Elliot didn't like about her new hospital:"
Scrubs
"Good morning, Charlie."
Scrubs
"I work alone, and you have somebody else's blood on your neck."
Scrubs
"[EIliot sighs]"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Hippocratic oath on three!"
Scrubs
"- One, two, three! - "First do no harm"!"
Scrubs
"There it is! All right, kick some ass today, guys!"
Scrubs
"How'd that go?"
Scrubs
"Rex."
Scrubs
"In my defense, who wears a tie to a construction site?"
Scrubs
"I believe in team-building. And I'd make my interns agree with me,"
Scrubs
""Let's rock and roll.""
Scrubs
"When you're an intern, you get treated like crap."
Scrubs
"When you're in a position of power, you do the same."
Scrubs
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