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Clips from Scrubs - My Rite of Passage (S05E05)

"Hey, lamb chop. Crazy story. I was..."
Scrubs
"I was taking a bus to my plane ticket, there was an accident,"
Scrubs
"and thank God I'm alive. I'd hug you, but I..."
Scrubs
"...ahh, you know. [Chuckles]"
Scrubs
"Jordan. This is one of our most famous con artist/drug addicts."
Scrubs
"'Cause he told me not to!"
Scrubs
"- This is gonna cost you. - Get off my back, I'm not in the mood."
Scrubs
"Say it again!"
Scrubs
"OK, I'm sure you know about it. Go ahead, take your shots."
Scrubs
"You've got bug eyes."
Scrubs
"Because you dye your mustache blonde doesn't mean it's gone."
Scrubs
"That's all that you have to say?"
Scrubs
"Excuse us."
Scrubs
"- Oh, my God! You kept a secret! - I know!"
Scrubs
"I almost told them, but I didn't because I love you."
Scrubs
"Oh! I... I had to tell Turk something, so you smoke a pipe now."
Scrubs
"[Both sigh]"
Scrubs
"- What's wrong? - [Both] Well..."
Scrubs
"but Turk got on my case about my interns!"
Scrubs
""That's the same thing you did with Dr. Cox.""
Scrubs
"Know what? Put our right hand in front of your face."
Scrubs
"Now talk to it!"
Scrubs
"Don't do it because they resent you. Not fair."
Scrubs
"Dude, get up. I gotta go to the bathroom."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] As I went to the men's room, praying he only had to go onesies,"
Scrubs
"[# Michael Tolcher: Sooner or Later]"
Scrubs
"So I went ahead and brought your ATM card and a heroin sandwich."
Scrubs
"It's not heroin, it's smoked turkey."
Scrubs
"You thought if you made me look like a fool, I'd quit?"
Scrubs
"Last time I ever saw that IROC."
Scrubs
"Remember that patient who stole your identity?"
Scrubs
"Darryl! He's cool."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God! You actually did something nice for me!"
Scrubs
"And you know what, I liked it when you waved."
Scrubs
"All right."
Scrubs
"Excuse me, can I please borrow your "Help Wanted" section? Thank you!"
Scrubs
"It was worth it."
Scrubs
"- Let's go, Per! - I have been waiting for an hour."
Scrubs
"Jordan! Oh."
Scrubs
"Fine. I'll just go."
Scrubs
"You seem to be developing a rapport with your interns."
Scrubs
"It's inevitable, like the tide, or the awkward toast I'm going to have to give"
Scrubs
"Mark my words: Eventually you'll treat them like dirt like the rest of us do."
Scrubs
"I beg your pardon?"
Scrubs
"Earlier, I made a killer "one-pump mocha" joke. Everybody laughed."
Scrubs
"Was that your nickname in high school?"
Scrubs
"Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor? Bite, please."
Scrubs
"Is this seat taken?"
Scrubs
"I am your new friend, so suck it!"
Scrubs
"it was about three days before my ovulation... yeah."
Scrubs
"I gotta get back to my hospital."
Scrubs
"Tomorrow's not great,"
Scrubs
"different orifices today."
Scrubs
"Yeah!"
Scrubs
"Ooh, not gonna lie to you, that hurts."
Scrubs
"What do you have, a boy or a girl?"
Scrubs
"Jordan! Whoa!"
Scrubs
"Except Gloria. What is her deal?"
Scrubs
"- I'm not a doctor right now. - You're still wearing scrubs."
Scrubs
"unless they're particularly hysterical."
Scrubs
"You're smart, you're loyal,"
Scrubs
"He basically cured the disease."
Scrubs
"- Really? - No! See your death!"
Scrubs
"There it is, just like I said."
Scrubs
"Ahh."
Scrubs
"- Hey, dude. - Why didn't you tell her?"
Scrubs
"Oh!"
Scrubs
"J.D., he's right. If you want to be a jerk attending too, go ahead."
Scrubs
"No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was a selfish act."
Scrubs
"as long as you have a group of friends around to go through it all with you."
Scrubs
"Hey, guys. What's going on?"
Scrubs
"Sam? What are you doing back here?"
Scrubs
"So, Jordan, I heard Sam got you. Don't worry, he totally suckered me once."
Scrubs
"Wasn't that your nickname in high school? Hello!"
Scrubs
"- [Slurps] - Ahh!"
Scrubs
"Get me a small one-pump mocha."
Scrubs
"I have to... you know..."
Scrubs
"Elliot, bring it."
Scrubs
"Would everyone please watch this?"
Scrubs
"[Cox fakes cries]"
Scrubs
"That's what she said! Zoom, zoom, zoom!"
Scrubs
"- [EIliot screams] - [Coffee splashes]"
Scrubs
"How would we embarrass her?"
Scrubs
"Ketchup is for winners, Ted."
Scrubs
"I borrowed it from my brother. He's a stripper."
Scrubs
"Yes!"
Scrubs
"# I'm no Superman #"
Scrubs
"He's mad because they're sucking up. I was sayin',"
Scrubs
"It's a rite of passage that you have to go through around here to be accepted."
Scrubs
"If other people talk to you, you won't have to talk to me!"
Scrubs
"- I'm... I'm here! - Gloria..."
Scrubs
"- Oh, OK, here's the scoop! - Yes, here is the scoop, indeed."
Scrubs
"I knew I shouldn't have had that chimichanga."
Scrubs
"[Jordan] Oh."
Scrubs
"walk in and see the truth."
Scrubs
"No, they'll be merciless."
Scrubs
"Cute."
Scrubs
"I hate ya, Charlie."
Scrubs
"[Zipping sounds]"
Scrubs
"Damn it!"
Scrubs
"J.D.! Ketchup!"
Scrubs
"Wait, don't leave me!"
Scrubs
"Have you been following me around all day dressed like an intern?"
Scrubs
"- [gust of wind] - [Chair squeaks]"
Scrubs
"[EIliot screams]"
Scrubs
"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] I had to skedaddle because today was burger day in the caf."
Scrubs
"[J.D. Laughing]"
Scrubs
"Wake up and smell the urinal I haven't cleaned in years!"
Scrubs
"That dog just laughed at a pun."
Scrubs
"[Speaking German]"
Scrubs
"No! But I looked up to you!"
Scrubs
"Keith. Don't worry, buddy, we're cool."
Scrubs
"And for God sakes, will somebody wake up Gloria?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Gloria..."
Scrubs
"Get off my back, I'm not in the mood?"
Scrubs
"I thought about the different methods people use to teach."
Scrubs
"That was nice. Why don't all of you just wave!"
Scrubs
"- You gotta promise not to tell. - [Turk] I know."
Scrubs