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Clips from Silicon Valley - Customer Service (S04E04)

"Richard: Well, uh, speaking of heaven,"
Silicon Valley
"that's probably where you'll think you are"
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"- Um, thank... thank you. - Richard: You, uh... yeah."
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"Listen, uh, I think I know what he's gonna say,"
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"but let me see if I can pull my CTO in here."
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"Can you... reel it in a little?"
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"We're trying to make a business deal, not get you laid."
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"I'm not trying to get laid, Richard."
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"Yes, because of the technology"
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"Look, can you just please, for once,"
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"keep your dick out of the equation?"
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"I really wish I could, but my dick is the abacus"
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"- upon which this equation will be... - Guys."
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"Erlich: Oh great."
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"Oh, oh."
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"Hello."
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"I'm Dan Melcher. Nice to meet you."
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"Hi, Dan."
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"Why don't I-I... I'll take this one from here."
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"- Okay? - Oh. Yeah."
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"What the fuck are you doing here?"
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"Very rude, Daniel."
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"Although, what can we expect after TechCrunch Disrupt"
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"when you sucker punched me in the God damn face?"
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"You fucked my wife."
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"Richard: Erlich, the customer is always right,"
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"Okay."
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"I need you to listen to me very carefully."
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"It took me a very long, long time"
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"but I've managed to find a home here, a life."
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"Okay, it's insurance. It's not ideal,"
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"but, you know, it... it's something."
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"And I don't care whatever it is that you're selling here."
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"I'm not buying it."
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"Well, it's a pretty groundbreaking technology."
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"Oh, shut the fuck up."
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"- Okay, yeah, d... uh... - Look at me."
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"Never gonna happen. Okay?"
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"- Never going to... - Dan?"
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"Did you give the dogs their medicine this morning?"
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"Uh, no, was I supposed to?"
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"- You two married? - Oh, not yet. We're engaged."
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"- Well, it was nice to meet you both. - Bye now, Liz."
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"(inhales deeply) Dan, Dan, Dan."
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"Dan Melcher? The guy who beat the piss out of you?"
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"The very same."
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"I looked him dead in the eyes, and I said,"
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"Care to go three for three?""
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"Needless to say, he did not."
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"So, to avoid being thrice made a cuckold,"
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"Well, uh, not yet. Melcher actually signed off on it,"
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"but his fiancée wanted to certify"
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"with their data-handling and security protocols."
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"Erlich: Ah, I can't wait."
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"Tomorrow the real fun begins."
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"- Uh, no. No. You're not coming. - Why not?"
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"Why not? Uh... jeez."
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"Well, you fucked Dan's last wife"
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"with absolutely no regard for what that meant to the company."
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"Because of the tech."
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"We're getting this deal because of the tech."
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"I know you're looking for something to do,"
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"What do you mean, I'm looking for something to do?"
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"You're lucky that you've garnished this much of my time."
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"I have plenty to do! Tons of lots of things!"
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"It is thriving."
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"Isn't it?"
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"Fuck you, guys."
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"Okay, so, how soon can we test our app on a phone?"
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"Look, uh, about all this Erlich stuff..."
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"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I-I... I don't wanna talk about him..."
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"or think about him... ever again."
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"But, Richard, I need you"
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"to look me in the eye and tell me that this is gonna work,"
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"It's... It's gonna work. I promise."
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"- Should we start with adjuster records? - Sure."
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"You guys said you were proficient in video files, right?"
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"Oh, that's exciting. Uh, yeah, I guess."
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"Um, in fact, actually, just as we were taking off, I walked away."
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"- Commitment issues? - Uh, I don't know."
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"thought that video chat was the best use of our compression."
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"- Ooh! - Settling."
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"- Richard: Yeah, our company can grow in ways... - Oh, fuck."
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"that we haven't even thought of yet."
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"I mean, I was going to spend the rest of my life"
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"just wondering if there was something better."
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"That's not really a way to live. (chuckles)"
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"Then I go to bed, and it's vidchat."
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"I wanna kill myself, you know?"
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"Monica: So, what do you think, Erlich?"
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"I love the smell of fresh Spackle and hope."
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"Yep. Two more weeks and Bream-Hall's in business."
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"they're running around with their hair on fire."
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"And after years of busting my ass, I'm finally doing it."
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"Look, "Monica Hall." Laurie!"
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"we can dispense with the mindless chitchat."
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"the opportunity to take me off the market."
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"what you're doing here, almost revere it,"
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"I'll be the first one here at 10:30 a.m."
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"paternity leave, if that goes well,"
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"and an umbrella insurance policy if that does not go well."
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"What do you say?"
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"I'd like a job, dears."
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"The singular function of this firm"
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"is to insure that our investors' money is in wise hands."
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"it is quite the opposite."
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"Therefore, no."
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"(phone clicking)"
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"Look, I... I know you're looking for something to do, but..."
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"Who... Who is pushing this false narrative"
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"that I am looking for something to do?"
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"and if she doesn't think you add any real value,"
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"I gave you weed, a lot of it."
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"(sighs) You want a fleece?"
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"Jared: God, there's something beautiful"
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"It's like watching a child take its first steps."
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"Well, let's see if our space-saver app actually saves us any space."
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"- All right. Done. - (beeps)"
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"Yeah?"
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"Why do I have a photo folder entitled "Cool Hairstyles"?"
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