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Clips from The Office - Downsize (S01E01)

"All right. You tell them with my permission."
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"Permission granted. You do as you wish."
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"Head office..."
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"and Jennifer is talking of either"
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"downsizing the Swindon branch or this branch."
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"- Are you going to let her? - No, Malcolm."
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"- Coz' you didn't see me in there with her. - For his eyes only!"
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"I said, "if head office try and come here to interfere they've got me to contend with."
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""You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does""
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"But, David, if they do downsize here..."
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"It won't be out of my hands, Malcom, and that's a promise."
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"On his mother's grave."
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"Ok? And it insults me that you have to ask."
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"- It's just that... - I'm sorry Malcom. Dawn wants to speak. Go on Dawn."
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"Well, if you were in the meeting with Jennifer,"
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"Yeah. Information is power."
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"It is a question of trust. Do you trust me?"
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"- Do you trust me? Yes or no? - Yes. I trust you."
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"- So... meeting a-journed. - Good. Excellent."
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"I'd have said much the same. In fact..."
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"can I just ask? Do you trust me?"
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"But if there does have to be a cull, then so be it."
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"I mean, imagine a warehouse"
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"where a little midget fella is driving a forklift."
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"He can't see over the top."
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"Anton's a lovely bloke - don't get me wrong -"
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"Have you got a price for matt-coated sra1?"
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"If I can't see you, I can't hear you, Gareth."
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"- Just tell me, will you? - No. I can't hear you."
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"Hi. It's me, Gareth. I need a price on matt-coated..."
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"Er... I need a tonnage price on matt-coated sra1."
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"Obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself"
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"because they're filming."
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"That feels nice, actually."
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"- Do that bit with your nails. - Shh!"
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"- Hello, mate. - Nice to see you."
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"This guy does the best Ali-G impersonation."
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"Ai1 I can't. You do it."
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"- It's not you, it's the other one. - The other what?"
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"Ah."
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"No, I don't have a great many ethnic employees, that's true,"
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"but it's not company policy..."
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"orientals make very good workers, for example."
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"Do you like a drink at the end of a week?"
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"Yup."
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"Well, this is why we're going out..."
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"- when are you going out? - To have an end of the week drink."
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"- When? - Tonight, hopefully."
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"Er, yeah..."
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"- Are you ready yet? - Yeah."
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"Do you mind if I went out for a drink with this lot?"
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"No. C'mon let's go."
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"Ok. I'll be a couple of minutes because it's twenty past five."
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"- You should come. It'll be a laugh. - No I'd love to. We're all right seriously."
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"We got to get off."
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"Um..."
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"- Dreaded first day. - Yeah."
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"Oh, dear."
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"We work hard."
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"Um..."
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"Not in that way."
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"But, er...you know.."
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"and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third."
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"Hold on!"
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"Practical jokes, yeah?"
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"Right. Ok."
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"Practical joke. Don't give me away."
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"And then head office said... yeah."
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"- Fax for you. - Thanks."
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"Don't go, Dawn. Pull up a chair. I was going to call you in anyway."
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"I need a quick word."
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"as you are aware, there are going to be redundancies."
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"What?"
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"Why?"
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"Stealing."
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"Thieving."
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"- Thieving? - Yeah."
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"Post-it notes...?"
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"What are they worth, about 12p?"
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"Thou shalt not steal unless it's only 12p."
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"You steal a thousand post-it notes at 12p, you've made..."
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"a profit."
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"Why would I steal post-it notes?"
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"- Roaches. - Caught you, drug addict."
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"I can't..."
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"god..."
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"I've never stolen as much as a paper clip and you're firing me."
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"And the good news is I don't need to give you any severance pay"
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"because it's gross misconduct. So you can go straight away."
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"Oh, now..."
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"that was a joke there."
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"Good girl. It was a joke we were doing."
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"Practical jokes for the good."
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"Better do these now actually."
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"You wanker."
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"Come on."
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"Am I?"
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"Didn't know that."
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"What is the single most important thing for a company?"
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"My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profit by 17%,"
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"It was a young greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of english,"
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"didn't happen. We had to let him go."
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"He was rubbish. He was rubbish."
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"She has left him. I forgot about that."
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"- You haven't... - the wastepaper basket!"
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"Does it offend you?"
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"I could look at you and come up with something really witty and biting, like, "you're a bit...""
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"All right. What is it, time of the month?"
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"Oh, god. Absolutely mental."
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"What?"
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"Was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?"
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"- I did fax you one this morning. - Dont think we got a fax, did we Dawn?"
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"You put it in the bin that was a special filing cabinet."
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"she's in the studio with Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry and they've got their suits on"
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"and they're doing their bit counting the money,"
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"Temporary."
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"we all are, aren't we?"
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"The number bods."
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"Immidietly beneath me - as an actress said to a bishop!"
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"Slow down, you're moving too fast. Solomon's here. All part of the job. What's going on?"
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