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Clips from The Office - Downsize (S01E01)

"Can we keep a lid on this for the time being? I really don't want to worry people unduly."
The Office
"So what does redundancy actually mean?"
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"So you'd just go, would you?"
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"I know. They've gone mad."
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"This is Mr. Brent."
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"Ricky Howard from the temping agency."
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"Verna sent me to start today."
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""Ricky!""
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"Did she tell you I was mad?"
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"Yeah. She said you had a nervous breakdown."
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"- I haven't had a nervous breakdown. - That was a joke."
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"Part of my job description rite?"
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"Unofficially."
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"Ok. Let's get you started."
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"People could come to me and they could go,"
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""S'cuse me David, you've been in the business twelve years."
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""Can you spare us a moment to tell us how to run a team?"
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""How to keep them task-orientated as well as happy.""
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"But they don't."
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"This is the er... accounts department."
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"All right?"
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"Do not be fooled by their job descriptions."
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"They are absolutely mad, all of them."
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"Last place you'd want someone like that is in accounts."
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"Obviously we get through a lot of paper."
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"We make a lot!"
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"- Actually, we sell it. - Yeah."
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"It doesn't grow on trees!"
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"You know it is pulp, yeah?"
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"Yeah."
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"Two minutes. Thanks very much. Bye."
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"- What? - Gareth what are you doing?"
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"- It wasn't on your desk. - It was overlapping."
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"All right? One word, two syllables - demarcation. All right?"
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"That's just to cheer these lot up."
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"They can sometimes get, you know, a bit..."
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"Can we get some batteries for billy bigmouth? Take it out of petty cash."
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"Can't put a price on comedy. Er..."
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"I'm still not listening, so it's not offending me."
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"So you won't hear this. You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock."
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"You're a cock."
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"Here y'are, look."
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"This is the sort of work we're doing."
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"Cartoons."
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"Does my bum look big in these?"
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"It's not sexist. It's the bloke saying it."
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"all for that. All for that in the workplace."
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"You've met Tim, haven't you?"
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"Oh, careful. Watch this one. Gareth Keenan in the area!"
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"Yeah. I've got a tr3."
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"I bought it for 1,200, done it up, now it's worth three grand."
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"- The profit on that's just under... - new engine."
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"Oh, what is that?!"
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"- Whoa, whoa. - David? Right, that is it."
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"He put my stapler inside a jelly again."
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"That's the third time he's done it It wasn't even funny the first time."
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"- Why has he done that? - I told him once that I don't like jelly."
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"My stapler."
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"There's people starving in the world, which I hate. It's a waste."
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"How do you know it's yours?"
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"Coz it's got my name on it in tippex."
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"Yeah. Don't eat it now. Chemicals."
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"Right. You can be my witness. Give him an official warning."
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"- How do you know it was me? - It's always you."
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"The thing about practical jokes is, you've got to know when to stop as well as start,"
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"and now's the time to stop putting Gareth's possessions in jelly, all right?"
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"Gareth, it's only a trifling matter."
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"He's going to fit in. We're like vic and bob... and an extra one."
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"Oh, god."
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"Yeah. I'm more worried really about damage to company property."
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"I'm just trying to think of other desserts to do."
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"I like to have a laugh just as much as the next man,"
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"- Give it back. - I'm just using it for a second."
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"It says "garet" actually."
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"- Ask if you want to borrow it. - You always say no mate. Whats the point?"
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"Gareth, it was just there, ok?"
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"Ok."
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"Philip, get that off him!"
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"- Well, you won't so... - well, I have, so..."
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"what if that killed someone?"
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"Oh kill some..well..They'll think you're the murderer. It's got your name on it."
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"Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon?"
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"To stop people borrowing it."
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"I hate the fact you bring me down to this. I really resent it."
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"- Funny? - It's all right, yeah."
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"I got a bit of a scare earlier."
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"Did you?"
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"I thought I found a lump."
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"I examine myself regularly but... it's fine."
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"Testicular cancer."
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"- What's that? - It's a bit of brie."
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"- From down there? - Mmm."
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"saying that the figures I gave him are wrong, and..."
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"Well, I don't know. Circuitry? Sorry who is this I'm talking to?"
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"...redundancies. Now, it is true or not?"
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"- Ok. - Last in, first out."
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"Yeah."
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"52... equals..."
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"141."
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"All right. That time it was correct."
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"- There's nothing... - be straight with us."
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"I am..I am being straight with you. I'm going to be straight with you now."
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"I can't tell you at the moment."
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"But it's the effect he has."
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"I don't want to have to look at you, Gareth."
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"- You can't do that. - Why not?"
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"Health and safety."
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"Why? Crushed by cardboard or what?"
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"No. Number one, blocking out light."
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"This is why the whole redundancy thing doesn't bother me,"
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"because if I have to work with him for another day,"
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"You won't do it like that though."
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"You get the knife in behind the windpipe, pull it down like that."
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"Careful."
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"and I just want to take this opportunity to put the record straight."
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"I'm team leader! I should know first."
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"Yeah. I'm telling everyone now."
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"Just tell me quickly. Just whisper it to me."
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"- Can you just tell us? - Yeah. All right."
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"- Shall I tell them? - You don't know what it is."
The Office
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