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Clips from The Simpsons - Bart the Mother (S10E10)

"- Think I can hit that bottle? - Yeah, probably."
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"Shows what you know."
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"That's my dad's shootin' car."
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"Just three more payments and it's ours."
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"- Oh, cool. Can I get a shot now? - Hang on!"
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"First, how about I try and peg you in the stomach? - Mmm, no, thanks."
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"- Bet you can't hit that bird. - Are you crazy? I don't want to shoot a stupid bird."
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"That's 'cause you know you can't."
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"You're not a superstud like me."
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"- Am too! - Are not!"
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"''Whoa, look at me! I'm Bart Simpson! I'm scared to use a gun!"
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"I want to marry Milhouse. I walk around like this-''"
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"# La la la-la la #"
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"Hey, quit it!"
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"Hmm."
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"- Oh, my God. - Whoa!"
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"Crooked sight?"
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"You are one cold-blooded killer, dude."
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"Right through the neck!"
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"Doesn't get any sweeter than that, Simpson."
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"- ## - I rolled up all the socks."
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"What's next?"
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"Ohh! I hate folding sheets."
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"That's your underwear."
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"Well, whatever it is, it's a two-man job. Where's Bart?"
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"It's okay, Marge. I'll get him."
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"Bart!"
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"- Where is he anyway? - Bart?"
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"Uh, he went to play with a friend."
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"He didn't go to Nelson's, did he?"
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"No, no. I'm pretty sure he's with Milhouse."
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"What?"
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"Tell Bart to come home!"
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"Who's Nelson?"
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"Nelson?"
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"I explicitly forbade Bart from playing with that little monster."
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"Oh, Bart is in deep, deep trouble."
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"Oh, yes, and punish Lisa for lying to us."
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"March yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer."
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"Get a little somethin' for yourself, sweetheart."
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"Shall we bury it or chuck it into a car full of girls?"
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"Hey, leave it alone!"
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"- Okay, okay! Don't kill me, killer. - Don't call me that!"
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"Relax, Simpson. It was either him or you."
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"No court would convict you."
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"Yes, sir. Because I killed an innocent bird."
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"We're knee-deep in our own droppings."
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"It's disgusting."
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"But since you've confessed to birdslaughter, we have no choice but to peck your face off."
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"I got bored, so I started slapping you."
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"All right! Finally, a real home!"
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"Not you. Bart."
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"Oh. See ya later, killer."
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"Mom, you were right. Nelson is bad news. Can we go home?"
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"What are you hiding there?"
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"Get- Get off. Get off."
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"Bart!"
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"Did you kill that poor bird?"
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"I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left-"
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"I know. I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished."
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"I punish and I punish and I punish, but it never sinks in."
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"Mom, wait!"
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"Oh, my God."
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"I'm not sure how to tell you this, but your mom was involved in an incident."
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"Mistakes were made... by me."
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"But don't worry. I'll take care of you."
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"You may remember me from such nature films as Earwigs- Eew.!.."
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"and Man vs. Nature- The Road to Victory."
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"In all the animal kingdom, no mother is more devoted than the blue jay."
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"Valuing her eggs above even her own life..."
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"the mother bird bravely fights off such fearsome predators as the badger and the mongoose."
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"Of course, one thing mother blue jay can't defend against..."
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"is a set of steel tongs."
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"Eggs. Precious eggs."
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"If they're to survive, they require the gentle warmth and tender love..."
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"Or better yet, a 7 5-watt bulb."
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"They look awfully hungry, Mr. McClure."
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"It sure is, Billy."
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"It sure is."
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"##"
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"You've checked this Bible out every weekend for the last nine years."
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"Hey, fellas, good news. I found an extra 7 5-watt bulb lying around."
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"##"
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"##"
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"Oh, yeah! Hope you like Pop-Tarts."
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"And you can call me Mother."
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"No, wait, that sounds kinda fruity. Just call me Mom."
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"##"
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"D'oh!"
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"- I don't know. Drug lab? - Drug lab?"
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"Or reading comic books. What am I, Kreskin? You tell me what he's doing."
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"I don't know, and I don't want to know. And I'm going to find out."
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"My good gray extension cord."
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"Oh, no!"
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"Gotta keep these warm."
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"How's this for later?"
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"Mom, listen- - Why are you sitting like that? What are you hiding this time?"
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"- Eggs? - That bird I killed was their mother."
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"I don't want her babies to die too."
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"Oh, come here."
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"- That never happened, Dad. - Sure it didn't."
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"Is the nest still warm enough, Mom?"
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"Hmm. It's starting to cool down. I'll bake another pie."
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"Ooh, how about cherry this time?"
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"Why is this taking so long?"
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"Really? Well, the time just flew by, didn't it?"
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"- Everybody come quick! They're hatching! - Hmm?"
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"Man, those are some funky lookin'birds.!"
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"Oh! You look like a little tiny dinosaur."
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"Dad, they aren't birds."
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"Sure, they are. They came from eggs in a bird's nest, therefore they're birds."
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"- And three- they're lizards! - You're a lizard!"
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"Enough bickering. I know how to settle this."
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"D'oh!"
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"Now, uh, people, there's been some confusion about our bird-sighting rules."
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"My God! A pigeon!"
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"That's the last bird on my list."
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"Excuse me. Can you tell us what kind of birds these are?"
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"Good heavens! I'm very glad you brought those in, Bart."
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"It feasts on bird eggs and lays its own eggs in the nest."
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